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12-27-2011, 08:24 AM | #1 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Vermont
Posts: 90
| Exhausted, disgusted, resentful and VERY ANGRY Okay... now that I have your attention, I am looking for someone who knows what it feels like to have a parent in nursing home care and have the constant stress and pressure of being the decision-maker, go-getter, care coordinator and health care system advocate while the rest of the siblings " got their own lives to lead, ya kno". I am in desperate need of someone NOT directly involved, with whom I can share feelings and maybe advice. Xmas day was basically the last straw.
__________________ Smokey's personal assistant, Jeff |
Welcome Guest! | |
12-27-2011, 08:40 AM | #2 |
I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 37,147
| We dont have a parent in a nursing home but all the family type of responsibilities fall on us and Im sure when the time comes that one will to so I can relate.
__________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427 |
12-27-2011, 09:01 AM | #3 |
Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: MD
Posts: 10,908
| My MIL lived with us for 3 years. I was primarily her caretaker insofar as day to day. My hubby is an only child. We spent the better part of the 3 years disagreeing over a lot of the little things, such as how to get her involved with/in anything. It's very stressful and can be draining in many ways. I feel for you. I don't know if it was any easier that my dh was an only child but I can tell you that I wished he did have siblings to share in some of the care (I would like to think it would have been so).
__________________ www.kissecollar.com Soft Cone Collars for Post-surgery and much more! 10% (non-food) - Discount code YT10 |
12-27-2011, 09:17 AM | #4 |
Donating YT Addict Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: indiana
Posts: 944
| I can relate to exactly what you are going through. My mom is in AL for the past 4 yrs almost and i have been the primary care taker of her, and i have 3 other sibling's (brothers, i am the only daughter). If you would like to talk you can PM me. Sorry you are going through this, it is very hard.
__________________ abbey,munchkin,sadie,andy,serena,nik R.I.P. Moe 10/24/1998 - 3/2013 R.I.P. Macey 12/29/1997 - 4/2013 |
12-27-2011, 09:39 AM | #5 |
Donating YT 100K Club Member & Top YorkieTalk Poster! Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: western KY
Posts: 108,935
| I understand exactly what you are saying, I took care of my mom in my home for over 2 years before she passed, she was blind and lost both legs due to being a diabetic, yes i had 3 sisters & 1 bro. but they had more important things to do but i have never regretted it, after she passed i felt like a better person for being as good a daughter, as she was as a mother to me...its hard but just hang in there, its worth it in the end. I pray for your strength to see this through
__________________ Betty & Micah my love + Yogi |
12-27-2011, 12:21 PM | #6 |
YT 2000 Club Donating Member | Yes, I can relate, with now passed two parents, with Alzheimers, both in secured living arrangements. I was the daughter in town. My three other sisters, truly had no desire or will to try to be there for me on the day to day stuff. It is exhausting to say the least. I did finally realize, that I was grieving now, for the loss of my parents. Loss due to their ever dimishing mental capacities, their personality changes, et al. If you need an ear, I am here.
__________________ Razzle and Dara. Our clan. RIP Karma Dec 24th 2004-July 14 2013 RIP Zoey Jun9 th 2008-May 12 2012. RIP Magic,Mar 26 2006July 1st 2018 |
12-27-2011, 12:25 PM | #7 |
Donating YT 30K Club Member | I know how stressful that can be. I was the primary caregiver of my Dad for 3 years after my Mom passed away. I had 2 siblings that helped and one who did nothing!! The one thing I held on to when I had one of those days is that my parents had been wonderful parents and I would feel no regrets when their time came. Only terrible sadness. I was able to spend both of their final year/years with them. I hope you can get your siblings to help.
__________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html |
12-27-2011, 12:50 PM | #8 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: NJ
Posts: 1,812
| My mom was my grandfather's primary care giver for 25 years til his passing las year. She has 2 do nothing brothers. My grandfather went to assisted living for the last 2 years because there was no one that would be home all the time. She went through everything you are going through. She is being sued by her 1 brother for bull s**t reasons since his passing. The only help she had from family was me, my brother, and my dad. Her brothers, SILs, and the other 4 grandkids did nothing not even visit him for holidays or call to say "papa how ya doing" or take my grandfather for a few hours to a ball game or the park. They did nothing. By the way he paid for all 6 of his grandiose to go to college even though he did not ever see the other 4.
__________________ Beware of Nestle Purina Cozy (4/06), Roxy & Zoey (2/08), Lucy (4/09); Buddy 4/09- Rescued 12/11); Mika ('98) & Tallulah ('00) RIP Harley 4/2009; Lucky 11/2010; Zoey 4/2012 |
12-27-2011, 09:17 PM | #9 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: FtWorth,TX,USA
Posts: 3,269
| Im waving my hands and jumping up and down. My mother is in a facility. I am the only girl,however my brothers do their part. I am the one that talks to the Drs and the nursing staff,then passes the info on to my brothers. I am the first phone call if their are questions,no matter what the hour. Or if there is an emergency. We are going on 3yrs. The thing that I have figured out is that, a facility will never take as good care as we might,but my mother can NOT be in any of our homes. Feel free to PM me. |
12-28-2011, 03:45 PM | #10 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Central Texas
Posts: 2,624
| My mom lived with me for 8 years and then with my daughter for 2 years (I'm an only child). Now she is in assisted living and my daughter had to move away, so I am the primary caregiver. Mom fell and broke her leg in Oct. She was in the hospital several days, then in rehab for a couple of weeks. I ran myself ragged running back and forth from the hospital and rehab. Now she is doing better and back in her assisted living apartment, but I am still over to her place all the time. It is very very difficult. My daughter handles all her finances and that helps some. I completely understand what you are going through.
__________________ Rex & Rowdy's Mom |
12-28-2011, 04:00 PM | #11 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,685
| My mother passed Aug. 29th. I am the only living daughter, I have a younger brother and an older brother. Worthless is all I can say. They couldn't take time to help...they had a life they said. Mom lived with me the last 9.5 months of her life. I wouldn't have had it any other way....I have no regrets. My younger brother visited once a week for 60 minutes and my other brother..about the same. No one took her out for a drive except me, I did all the Dr. appts., stayed with her in the hospital most nights when she was there, stayed a few nights in the nursing home with her too. Now...they (my brothers) are even worse, just want to know when they are getting their inheritance, which isn't much mind you. She has a home in our hometown and a small one in Florida. Hopefully the estate will be settled soon, and then my family will dissolve. Didn't know they could be such a$$holes. I want them out of my life. I hope you can save your relationship with your siblings, but I'm just too tired to deal with mine anymore. Even if I could deal with them....I'll never be able to trust them ...without trust...there can be no relationship.
__________________ Janet |
12-28-2011, 07:12 PM | #12 | |
Donating YT 100K Club Member & Top YorkieTalk Poster! Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: western KY
Posts: 108,935
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__________________ Betty & Micah my love + Yogi | |
12-29-2011, 02:41 AM | #13 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Vermont
Posts: 90
| Thank you all for your stories and your insight. We have some legal complications that need to be worked out over the next few months and then, possibly, we can resume some semblance of order in our own lives while keeping Mom a top priority. Unfortunately, Dad didnt plan for long term care. There will be no inheritance; only the memory of who did right by Mom and who did not, the ramifications of which I leave in the hands of a higher power.
__________________ Smokey's personal assistant, Jeff |
12-29-2011, 07:18 AM | #14 | |
Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Texas
Posts: 7,982
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12-29-2011, 07:37 AM | #15 |
Ringo (1) and Lucy too! Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: On the Edge of Glory
Posts: 3,447
| We recently moved to another state and moved my 90 y/o father in with us. I'm a single, working Mom with a 16 y/o son. I'm also an only child. I can't say how long I'll be able to keep this up; we have some lovely AL facilities here and those may be an option for us in the coming year. It's hard - very hard to have sole responsibility for (now) two people and I am seeing how important is for us to be planning for our old age. I certainly do NOT want to be living with my son and his family. Actually, I'm beginning to wonder if longevity is all it's cracked up to be.
__________________ Mommy to Lucy, Ringo, and Matthew |
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