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Old 10-11-2011, 03:49 PM   #1
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Thumbs down ?'s for parents of student athletes...looong rant

My daughter, Jasmine, plays freshman volleyball on her H.S. team. She played in middle school both years, but this is the first I've ever even been close to high school sports-we all played the clarinet.

My concerns are this: her coach seems like an evil little dictator on a very high power trip. What's setting this thread off is today she all of a sudden told the girls practice would end at 5:30, not 5:00. Sooo all of us parents were outside waiting from before 5 until 5:45. Yes, she changed the time & gave no one warning, how rude & inconsiderate or is it just me?

These girls do not play with the same sets of skills that are displayed by their opponents. The coach has put more emphasis on making a competition between the girls for positions & playing time. So they will most likely try out for JV next year & not even be able to play at that level just because they were not taught how.

She is very rude & disrespectful to the girls, not just tough like a coach may be. One little mistake by one girl & she is having them run a mile, or two miles for each mistake. She has a number of crazy, difficult drills she has them do. Jazz was having trouble getting serves over during a practice so the coach made her do 25 consecutive "burpies" (a harsh boot camp exercise). When you look on youtube at people doing those they do them in reps of 12, not 25, and they are super fit adults. Then she was ragging on my dd saying "why were your first 5 better than your last?" Why in the hell does she think!??!? Then there's her purposely kicking my daughter's water bottle under the bench at a game. Seriously? Kindergarten much?

I'm just so frustrated and so mad and feel so sorry for my dd. She wants to quit the team over her but I know she'll regret it as she wants to play all 4 years. She has softball size bruises-raised bruises on her hips from all of the drills. Her arthritis kills her. She's so tired she can barely walk once she sits down at home. I understand a sport takes commitment & is meant to tire you out but this seems excessive. Is it just me being a sensitive mom? I tried to talk to the coach & she said not until 24 hours after the game & she said she'd call then which she never did. Honestly I'm so mad at her I don't want to talk to her & embarrass my dd or cause further repercussions. There's an assnt. coach that seems more supportive, but Jazz says if she compliments the girls the other one just takes the compliment away by degrading them on something else.

What do you think? Should I speak to the athletic director & beyond or is this the norm? Sorry for a true novel this time.
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Old 10-11-2011, 04:02 PM   #2
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When determining what to do, you might ask yourself how would you have felt if you were the child in your daughter's situation? Would you have wanted your mother to have intervened in your own behalf? What would you have felt and learned if she had? We tend to want to help our children no matter what when sometimes it can be more useful to them to let them decide how they want to manage a situation. As long as her health or life isn't in actual danger, sometimes these experiences are best dealt with by the child. It is how they learn how to deal with life. One of the hardest things to do is watch your child undergoing something like this but trust her to handle it and bite your tongue would be my recommendation if at all possible.
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Old 10-11-2011, 04:48 PM   #3
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Do you feel it is crossing the line from coaching into bullying? I think there is a difference being hard on someone to try to perfect a skill and downright sadism. I guess the kicking the waterbottle underneath the bench on purpose got my attention, not calling you back, the size of the bruises.

Hopefully someone w a background in education might be able to comment for you, but I definitely see where your concern is.
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Old 10-11-2011, 05:14 PM   #4
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Not talking until 24 hours after the game is pretty much standard practice in high school & travel sports here. It allows time for tempers to cool.

Unless the coach's conduct CLEARLY crosses the line...such as throwing a ball at a kid's head in anger, etc., I would not recommend contacting the Athletic Director if you have not yet spoken with the coach. That is breaking the chain of command, would be guaranteed to ruffle the coach's feathers and make things alot harder on your daughter if she stays with the team. I would make contact with the coach first if you feel you have serious concerns.

The type of behaviour you describe by the coach is pretty much standard fare in high school sports. My son played varsity ice hockey & lacrosse all four years of high school. My daughter played varsity soccer all four years and boys varsity lacrosse her junior & senior year (as they didn't have a girls team at that time).
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Old 10-11-2011, 05:26 PM   #5
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Both my older son and my older daughter play soccer. My son played all 4 years in college, and only a TOTAL of 17minutes his whole senior year of high school. He apparently was not good enough to play as a senior but he then went right on to play the college level. He made a college team that had just won a national championship. Tell me he wasnt able to play in high school. His coach was a jerk.
My older daughter plays on her college team now. Believe me I do know how coaches can be. I think your daughters coach is definitely on a power trip. I also understand that you do have to "hurt" to get better. Training is a very big part of being on the team. I think she is a bully.[I][B] I would definitely call the athletic directer. You don't have to give your name for fear of repercussion, but I would definitely ask him/her if this is standard procedure. If no one calls than how would they know about what the kids are made to do. Someone has to say something.
Good luck and tell your daughter not to give up some coaches are just jerks who like the power. If she really hates what is happening then she could always play on a womens league someday just to play and have fun.
My son graduated college in May and still plays on a mens league just for fun. Never give up what makes you happy because of 1 idiot.


Good luck
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Old 10-11-2011, 05:40 PM   #6
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Just reading and following thread. No advice, or personal stories to help. Let us know how this turns out.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:00 PM   #7
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Quote:
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Both my older son and my older daughter play soccer. My son played all 4 years in college, and only a TOTAL of 17minutes his whole senior year of high school. He apparently was not good enough to play as a senior but he then went right on to play the college level. He made a college team that had just won a national championship. Tell me he wasnt able to play in high school. His coach was a jerk.
My older daughter plays on her college team now. Believe me I do know how coaches can be. I think your daughters coach is definitely on a power trip. I also understand that you do have to "hurt" to get better. Training is a very big part of being on the team. I think she is a bully.[I][B] I would definitely call the athletic directer. You don't have to give your name for fear of repercussion, but I would definitely ask him/her if this is standard procedure. If no one calls than how would they know about what the kids are made to do. Someone has to say something.
Good luck and tell your daughter not to give up some coaches are just jerks who like the power. If she really hates what is happening then she could always play on a womens league someday just to play and have fun.
My son graduated college in May and still plays on a mens league just for fun. Never give up what makes you happy because of 1 idiot.


Good luck
I will definitely let my daughter know your kid's story. She did sit my daughter out of an entire game because she didn't make a serve over the day before practice. But not one of those kids are perfect, & they've won maybe 2 games out of a LOT of matches. She can't tell me my kid is to blame--oh, and they lost when she sat out as well.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:20 PM   #8
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This is just my opinion......it is worth what you are paying for it, ok? My son plays football. I can not even begin to tell you how many times I have sat in my car waiting on him when practice was suppose to end 30, 45 minutes ago. I am with you, it is very irritating!

Also, with that said, we have heard about some of the things said to the kids as well. You are right, some are not nice from what we are hearing. My child has to run if he is sick and can't make it to practice. A doctor note don't matter. And yep, we see the bruises too.

Ok, here comes my opinion. If you say anything, how much will your daughter get to play? Who will be the one paying for it in the end? Sure they might say they won't tell who said anything, but how can you be sure. Right or wrong, some sports are just like this.

As a mother, I understand your side 100%. I know how it is but I also know that many of the coaches in the schools have lots of "pull". I have learned to hold my tongue and let it go. The day my child comes home and tells me to say something is the day I will. Until then, I have to learn to control my mommy feelings. I wish I could tell you to just go speak your mind but my gut feeling is that your daughter will pay for it in the long run. Good luck to you. You are in a rough spot. I know and I understand.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:41 PM   #9
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I also would be upset that these girls are put through the ringer and they are not showing the results in the games. Obviously they are not getting the training that they need to win. Strength conditioning is one thing but the skill is another. I dont care how athletic they are if they cant get the ball over the net and beat the competition it is all for nothing. JMO
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:24 PM   #10
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Well we had a game tonight & I continued to bite my tongue out of my daughter's request.

The girls lost the first game 8-25--ouch! But the second was lost 20-25. MUCH better, even acceptable. For them to even make double digits is a big feat. The thing was, the assistant/helper coach was there & she seemed to be doing all of the gabbing. She's never been at any of the games, for reasons unknown to me, but it looks like she had an affect. I hope she returns & I think I'll try to keep quiet until the season's end. I think someone should know how the reg. coach is before she gets to coach another team.
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:39 PM   #11
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I swam competitively from the time I was 9- I swam on my schools Varsity team starting in 7th grade- my coach was TOUGH! there were many a times I left practice or meets crying and just as many where I declared that I was quitting the team- By the time I was a Senior and team captain I recognized how much I admired my coach. He taught our team a lot over the years about hard work, determination, persistence, and success- there were many times I thought I was going to die at practice, times I could barely walk for days after- but I did survive and think I am better for it.
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:54 PM   #12
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My son is a Senior and has played High School Football for 4 years. I was very surprised at some of the things he would tell me about the coaches, players and how they were treated. Coaches cussing the boys and having to run extra laps if anyone on the team messed up ( because you are a team everyone was punished). also things that go on in the locker room.Luckily my son can get along with everybody and put it aside. I am the mom that called the Athletic director at another school we played because the coach was cussing loudly at his team on the field. I have learned a lot in 4 years and am glad to say my son isn't interested in playing in college. The one thing my son learned is that you have to work as a team and it isn't about any one person. We also have a team chaplain that gives a devotional before the games and is always there to support each one of our players ( we are a public school). I think you and your daughter need to decide if she wants to continue to play regardless of the coach, Is it worth it? For my son it has been. The main thing about any sport (to a coach) is winning! Unfortunately some coaches push their athletes beyond their limits. That is when I would interfere.
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Old 10-12-2011, 05:56 PM   #13
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Yes, I agree with Susan. And I will add, sometimes it is very hard to keep our mouths shut when you are a mom. But as far as football goes, it has taught my son many many life lessons.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:18 PM   #14
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I do want her to continue because I do believe it offers many benefits. She became so self-confident just to make the team, as everyone didn't. She's made new friends & finally almost left this bad 'friend' behind (tho they play together).

But with someone tearing into her & all of them I just worried it'd ruin her self-esteem. Plus it can't feel good to commit 5-6 days a week & never win. I also don't want her to think quitting is the answer to that either, it's just so discouraging for her & it rubs off on me. Having a teen girl is an emotional roller coaster ride enough without adding in the volleyball.

I will say that those of you that have figured out I'm obsessed with our hockey team, that has helped me, & her, too. Our team was a very losing team for years straight but they all of a sudden won a championship. I can try to pass that faith onto her as well as her seeing how the coach treats the players if they're screwing up. I don't think competing is ever a walk in the park no matter what it's for. I just didn't know if I should wring the coaches neck like I wanted to.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:44 PM   #15
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I do want her to continue because I do believe it offers many benefits. She became so self-confident just to make the team, as everyone didn't. She's made new friends & finally almost left this bad 'friend' behind (tho they play together).

But with someone tearing into her & all of them I just worried it'd ruin her self-esteem. Plus it can't feel good to commit 5-6 days a week & never win. I also don't want her to think quitting is the answer to that either, it's just so discouraging for her & it rubs off on me. Having a teen girl is an emotional roller coaster ride enough without adding in the volleyball.

I will say that those of you that have figured out I'm obsessed with our hockey team, that has helped me, & her, too. Our team was a very losing team for years straight but they all of a sudden won a championship. I can try to pass that faith onto her as well as her seeing how the coach treats the players if they're screwing up. I don't think competing is ever a walk in the park no matter what it's for. I just didn't know if I should wring the coaches neck like I wanted to.


I so understand your feelings here. I think you are being a good mom!
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