Do you seek the approval of others? - YorkieTalk.com Forums

roseylovestosho · 09-07-2011, 08:34 PM

No story here. I was just wondering what everyone's thoughts are regarding wanting or needing the approval of others (doesn't matter who or what the situation). Do you seek the approval of your peers less as you get older or do you think it's inherent in the individual? I think there are a lot of wise people here on YT and I am curious as to how you guys feel about this topic.

TwoforFun · 09-07-2011, 08:56 PM

Normally I'm a hard headed individual and like to learn from my mistakes. But there are topics I have no clue and prefer to be guided by someone else who is well experience. But I follow my heart and do some educating guessing before worrying about what others think.

gidget529 · 09-08-2011, 05:10 AM

I think you're right. The older I get, the less I care what ppl think about me. I think as a whole that's how ppl are, but you always find exceptions.

celstu1 · 09-08-2011, 05:52 AM

Yeah, I used to seek approval from others, but as I get older, the less & less I seek approval and the more I do what I think is right for me. I respect my peers, parents, siblings, friends, relatives, coworkers opinions and thoughts for sure and will listen to everyone, but in the end I will do what is best for me. The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my decision making and know whether people approve or not, its best for me.

KazzyK810 · 09-08-2011, 05:56 AM

I believe seeking the approval of others is a pointless endeavor, as you will never please everyone.

My lil friend · 09-08-2011, 06:18 AM

I grew up in a house with ALOT of upheavel,therefore approval was not ever given. Pleasing me and not causing harm has always been my choise. To bless others without crossing the lines that I have drawn in life. To love my family with unconditional love,without accepting intended harm in my direction. To be kind to strangers (taking a grocery cart for an older person or young mother with kids) and SMILE a smile can improve your day and others.
Do I care what others think of me, NO. Others will have to take the time to get to know me and decide what they think of me,if they arent willing to take the time then they are not entitled to an openion. If they decide that they dont care for my company then they are welcome to move on. I spent to much of my childhood being abused to put up with it in my adult life. Joy is a chosen part of the adventure of life,it is not a destination.
My daddy had a saying that I have passed on to my children.
" You must love yourself first in order for others to love you"

Buster Brown · 09-08-2011, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by celstu1

Yeah, I used to seek approval from others, but as I get older, the less & less I seek approval and the more I do what I think is right for me. I respect my peers, parents, siblings, friends, relatives, coworkers opinions and thoughts for sure and will listen to everyone, but in the end I will do what is best for me. The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my decision making and know whether people approve or not, its best for me.

I agree. When I was young I did seek the approval of others but as I grew older I realized that I was a good person with good intentions and that I did not need to be validated by anyone else. I will listen to others opinions but will make my own decisions based on what is right according to my beliefs.

Nancy1999 · 09-08-2011, 12:52 PM

I agree with the others, it's a wasted effort seeking others approval, in the long haul, it means nothing, for some people will give you approval, when you know that you've done the wrong thing, and others will never give you approval, it’s their way of controlling you. I still want those close to me to be happy with my choices and decisions, but mostly I seek my own approval, and I give it to myself, if I believe I've deserved it. I’m actually quite generous with myself, and I think being a mom helped me with that, I was kind to my children, and it’s easier to now be kind to myself. I was way to hard on myself when I was younger.

roseylovestosho · 09-08-2011, 07:33 PM

I've gone through your responses, and they've offered a bit of relief. I think I really care about what people say b/c I'm very hard on myself (a notion that Nancy presented which I never thought about before) so hopefully with that new insight I can be a little nicer to myself.

It's also great to hear that most of you outgrew it and are currently at a point that you are very comfortable with yourself--I aspire to be like you guys someday.

southernbelle04 · 09-08-2011, 08:36 PM

The older I get, the less I worry about this type of thing. I used to majorly stress over what people thought of me and now I really just don't care. Life's too short to worry about pleasing everyone...besides it's impossible to do so. So I've learned that the hard way and have cried many times about what someone said to me that might hurt my feelings. Now I just try to be as nice as I know to be and be happy and not worry.

McheleM · 09-08-2011, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My lil friend

I grew up in a house with ALOT of upheavel,therefore approval was not ever given. Pleasing me and not causing harm has always been my choise. To bless others without crossing the lines that I have drawn in life. To love my family with unconditional love,without accepting intended harm in my direction. To be kind to strangers (taking a grocery cart for an older person or young mother with kids) and SMILE a smile can improve your day and others.
Do I care what others think of me, NO. Others will have to take the time to get to know me and decide what they think of me,if they arent willing to take the time then they are not entitled to an openion. If they decide that they dont care for my company then they are welcome to move on. I spent to much of my childhood being abused to put up with it in my adult life. Joy is a chosen part of the adventure of life,it is not a destination.
My daddy had a saying that I have passed on to my children.
" You must love yourself first in order for others to love you"

Just so you know, I love you..... You've been a good friend to me thus far, and I'm a firm believer that you can never have too many TRUE friends. So, thanks!

McheleM · 09-08-2011, 08:55 PM

I think that everyone seeks approval from someone. As a child, you seek approval from your parents. As a teenager, you seek approval from your friends. As a young adult, you seek approval from your peers and co-workers. As you get older, the approval changes, and as you change.

I have to agree that upbringing and childhood play a huge part into who you seek approval from, and also how you seek it. As a child, approval was never given-in fact I grew up thinking I could do nothing right. I have learned through the years that I can do things, and that even if I don't have approval from another individual, it doesn't decrease my value. I am still the same person regardless. It's truly a mindset, and something you have to work at. I believe that if you are seeking approval from others at a later age, it's because you are really seeking it from yourself. Nowadays, I dont care what others think of me. I am me, and nothing should change that. I approve of me the way I am, and that's all that's important. The others either fall into place or they keep their distance. I'm fine with it either way.

My lil friend · 09-09-2011, 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McheleM

I think that everyone seeks approval from someone. As a child, you seek approval from your parents. As a teenager, you seek approval from your friends. As a young adult, you seek approval from your peers and co-workers. As you get older, the approval changes, and as you change.

I have to agree that upbringing and childhood play a huge part into who you seek approval from, and also how you seek it. As a child, approval was never given-in fact I grew up thinking I could do nothing right. I have learned through the years that I can do things, and that even if I don't have approval from another individual, it doesn't decrease my value. I am still the same person regardless. It's truly a mindset, and something you have to work at. I believe that if you are seeking approval from others at a later age, it's because you are really seeking it from yourself. Nowadays, I dont care what others think of me. I am me, and nothing should change that. I approve of me the way I am, and that's all that's important. The others either fall into place or they keep their distance. I'm fine with it either way.

Back at ya lady,Wish there were just a few less miles between our houses,but then we would never get anything done.

My lil friend · 09-09-2011, 05:58 AM

I dont know your age, as time goes on you will see people and the world differently.
If there is only one person making you think that you are not a good person,then they are the one with the problem,not you. I actually had a conversation with a family member once where they were telling me what a bad person I was. I listed all of the important people in my life and told them that ALL of these people thought that I was a good person,so I must not be the one with the problem.
You change your way of thinking by reminding yourself everyday that you are a GOOD person and that you can make the right decisions for YOU. That you are loving and kind and if there is someone out there that doesn't think so then THEY have a problem not you.
You do not have to wait until you are 40,50,60. This is a decision that you can start on today. It will make for a much happier life.

shodanusmc · 09-09-2011, 06:08 AM

I have never worried about it. I would never join a Country Club that would willingly accpet me.

09-07-2011, 08:34 PM	#1
roseylovestosho Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: #4 PRIVET DRIVE Posts: 1,685	Do you seek the approval of others? No story here. I was just wondering what everyone's thoughts are regarding wanting or needing the approval of others (doesn't matter who or what the situation). Do you seek the approval of your peers less as you get older or do you think it's inherent in the individual? I think there are a lot of wise people here on YT and I am curious as to how you guys feel about this topic. __________________

09-07-2011, 08:56 PM	#2
TwoforFun YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: TX Posts: 646	Normally I'm a hard headed individual and like to learn from my mistakes. But there are topics I have no clue and prefer to be guided by someone else who is well experience. But I follow my heart and do some educating guessing before worrying about what others think. __________________ XOXO JiJi , JiJa Lil' Man and Mommy

09-08-2011, 05:10 AM	#3
gidget529 Gidget & Sidney's Mom Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: PA Posts: 3,462	I think you're right. The older I get, the less I care what ppl think about me. I think as a whole that's how ppl are, but you always find exceptions. __________________ Mommy to Gidget, Sidney & Cricket(RIP)

09-08-2011, 05:52 AM	#4
celstu1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 10,534	Yeah, I used to seek approval from others, but as I get older, the less & less I seek approval and the more I do what I think is right for me. I respect my peers, parents, siblings, friends, relatives, coworkers opinions and thoughts for sure and will listen to everyone, but in the end I will do what is best for me. The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my decision making and know whether people approve or not, its best for me. __________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz

09-08-2011, 05:56 AM	#5
KazzyK810 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Michigan USA & Sheffield UK Posts: 4,119	I believe seeking the approval of others is a pointless endeavor, as you will never please everyone. __________________ Karan & ZoE (Chelsea )

09-08-2011, 06:18 AM	#6
My lil friend Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: FtWorth,TX,USA Posts: 3,269	I grew up in a house with ALOT of upheavel,therefore approval was not ever given. Pleasing me and not causing harm has always been my choise. To bless others without crossing the lines that I have drawn in life. To love my family with unconditional love,without accepting intended harm in my direction. To be kind to strangers (taking a grocery cart for an older person or young mother with kids) and SMILE a smile can improve your day and others. Do I care what others think of me, NO. Others will have to take the time to get to know me and decide what they think of me,if they arent willing to take the time then they are not entitled to an openion. If they decide that they dont care for my company then they are welcome to move on. I spent to much of my childhood being abused to put up with it in my adult life. Joy is a chosen part of the adventure of life,it is not a destination. My daddy had a saying that I have passed on to my children. " You must love yourself first in order for others to love you"

09-08-2011, 12:52 PM	#8
Nancy1999 I ♥ Joey & Ralphie! Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 25,396 Blog Entries: 2	I agree with the others, it's a wasted effort seeking others approval, in the long haul, it means nothing, for some people will give you approval, when you know that you've done the wrong thing, and others will never give you approval, it’s their way of controlling you. I still want those close to me to be happy with my choices and decisions, but mostly I seek my own approval, and I give it to myself, if I believe I've deserved it. I’m actually quite generous with myself, and I think being a mom helped me with that, I was kind to my children, and it’s easier to now be kind to myself. I was way to hard on myself when I was younger. __________________ NancyJoey Proud members of the CrAzYcLuB and YAP! ** Just Say No to Puppymills – Join YAP! Yorkshire Terrier Club of America – Breeder Referrals

09-08-2011, 07:33 PM	#9
roseylovestosho Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: #4 PRIVET DRIVE Posts: 1,685	I've gone through your responses, and they've offered a bit of relief. I think I really care about what people say b/c I'm very hard on myself (a notion that Nancy presented which I never thought about before) so hopefully with that new insight I can be a little nicer to myself. It's also great to hear that most of you outgrew it and are currently at a point that you are very comfortable with yourself--I aspire to be like you guys someday. __________________

09-08-2011, 08:36 PM	#10
southernbelle04 Katie Scarlett's Mommy Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Sweet Home Alabama Posts: 7,554 Blog Entries: 1	The older I get, the less I worry about this type of thing. I used to majorly stress over what people thought of me and now I really just don't care. Life's too short to worry about pleasing everyone...besides it's impossible to do so. So I've learned that the hard way and have cried many times about what someone said to me that might hurt my feelings. Now I just try to be as nice as I know to be and be happy and not worry. __________________ Aymee & Katie Scarlett

09-08-2011, 08:55 PM	#12
McheleM Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Mesquite, TX Posts: 2,659	I think that everyone seeks approval from someone. As a child, you seek approval from your parents. As a teenager, you seek approval from your friends. As a young adult, you seek approval from your peers and co-workers. As you get older, the approval changes, and as you change. I have to agree that upbringing and childhood play a huge part into who you seek approval from, and also how you seek it. As a child, approval was never given-in fact I grew up thinking I could do nothing right. I have learned through the years that I can do things, and that even if I don't have approval from another individual, it doesn't decrease my value. I am still the same person regardless. It's truly a mindset, and something you have to work at. I believe that if you are seeking approval from others at a later age, it's because you are really seeking it from yourself. Nowadays, I dont care what others think of me. I am me, and nothing should change that. I approve of me the way I am, and that's all that's important. The others either fall into place or they keep their distance. I'm fine with it either way. __________________ "You've never learned to live until you've done something for someone for which they can never repay you."~Ralph Hall.

09-09-2011, 05:58 AM	#14
My lil friend Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: FtWorth,TX,USA Posts: 3,269	I dont know your age, as time goes on you will see people and the world differently. If there is only one person making you think that you are not a good person,then they are the one with the problem,not you. I actually had a conversation with a family member once where they were telling me what a bad person I was. I listed all of the important people in my life and told them that ALL of these people thought that I was a good person,so I must not be the one with the problem. You change your way of thinking by reminding yourself everyday that you are a GOOD person and that you can make the right decisions for YOU. That you are loving and kind and if there is someone out there that doesn't think so then THEY have a problem not you. You do not have to wait until you are 40,50,60. This is a decision that you can start on today. It will make for a much happier life.

09-09-2011, 06:08 AM	#15
shodanusmc BANNED! Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,603	I have never worried about it. I would never join a Country Club that would willingly accpet me.