Irritated! - YorkieTalk.com Forums

ChibiLuv · 08-10-2011, 06:13 PM

(Warning: rant about not wanting kids- if you have kids no disrespect intended)
I dont understand what everones OBSESSION is about having kids. Really it doesnt seem that glamourous. So I just spayed my little girl and posted pics on my facebook and my aunt was sad I took away her 'womanhood" but I explained after working at the shelter and seeing animals die from overcrowding I just couldnt breed and I added that If I could spay myself I would. Of course this set off my mom who also wants me to have kids and now they are both harping on me! My aunt said I should at least have one so as to not to break my Mom's heart. REALLY?? I should have kids becouse my mom wants grandchildren? Sorry but last time I check that was not a sufficient enough reason to have kids. Even if kids was a possiblity in the future I'm not going to tell her, then every time I saw her itd be "so are you having them now?" and I have pretty much decided that if I do have kids I'm adopting. I rather not do the whole childbirth thing and really I rather have a slightly older kid, like 2 or up because the whole baby thing doesnt appeal to me either. The crying and the constant need for attention, I mean why? Really kids dont get cool until they start to do things for themselves. And weather or not I decide to adopt or have no kids I am NOT basing my decision off my Mom's need for grandchildren. It's none of my aunts or my moms or anyone elses buisness weather I have kids or not and the more they bug me about it the more it makes me NOT want to have kids. I just hate the whole stigmata surrounding having kids. Society acts like first comes love, then comes marraige, then comes a baby in a baby carrage. Like really are we 5 still? I'm not even Married yet. Sure me and my BF are planning the next step but that doesnt mean we are going to get married and immediatly have kids. I want to travel, I'm still young.
Anyways sorry for the rant, had to get that off my chest.

Valenie · 08-10-2011, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChibiLuv

(Warning: rant about not wanting kids- if you have kids no disrespect intended)
I dont understand what everones OBSESSION is about having kids. Really it doesnt seem that glamourous. So I just spayed my little girl and posted pics on my facebook and my aunt was sad I took away her 'womanhood" but I explained after working at the shelter and seeing animals die from overcrowding I just couldnt breed and I added that If I could spay myself I would. Of course this set off my mom who also wants me to have kids and now they are both harping on me! My aunt said I should at least have one so as to not to break my Mom's heart. REALLY?? I should have kids becouse my mom wants grandchildren? Sorry but last time I check that was not a sufficient enough reason to have kids. Even if kids was a possiblity in the future I'm not going to tell her, then every time I saw her itd be "so are you having them now?" and I have pretty much decided that if I do have kids I'm adopting. I rather not do the whole childbirth thing and really I rather have a slightly older kid, like 2 or up because the whole baby thing doesnt appeal to me either. The crying and the constant need for attention, I mean why? Really kids dont get cool until they start to do things for themselves. And weather or not I decide to adopt or have no kids I am NOT basing my decision off my Mom's need for grandchildren. It's none of my aunts or my moms or anyone elses buisness weather I have kids or not and the more they bug me about it the more it makes me NOT want to have kids. I just hate the whole stigmata surrounding having kids. Society acts like first comes love, then comes marraige, then comes a baby in a baby carrage. Like really are we 5 still? I'm not even Married yet. Sure me and my BF are planning the next step but that doesnt mean we are going to get married and immediatly have kids. I want to travel, I'm still young.
Anyways sorry for the rant, had to get that off my chest.

I am a young mom at the age of 23 my son Adam is 3 and hunny if you don't want them don't have them. I love my little boy he is the joy of my life but no one ever told me how hard it is or that I would have to give up everything for the next 18-25 years of my life. I know here in the part of KY that I live in we have a lot of teen pregnancy and I go and mentor girls who want to have baby's so young. I tell them if you want to have a baby wait until you have done everything in you life you ever want to do because when you have a baby it is no longer your life you live for them.I also tell them to finish school and make a stable life for themselves. I mean I had big dreams of backpacking in Ireland and ho-boing on some beach somewhere but then I had bubba and now everything I do I have to do for him! My HD and I had been married 1 month and both working fast food and going to collage when I got prego it happened so fast. He quit school and went to work underground. I stayed in school and had to go through Nursing school with a baby and then toddler I graduated in May of this year. I am not complaining I love my life and I love being a mommy! I would not trade him for anything or take having him back ever!!!! But life would have been easier if I would have been ready. But it is a huge life changing decision and no one tells you everything that can go wrong my little boy has just been diagnosed with Leg-Calf syndrome and it sucks he hurts a lot and there is nothing I can do but some pt and give him pain meds.... So don't let anyone pressure you !!!

Ellie May · 08-11-2011, 03:42 AM

I know what you mean.

My family doesn't pressure me to have kids, but they at times appear to think I'm really strange for not even wanting to be around them. I cannot stand whining, crying very loudly, screaming, boogers and snot (baby or not, spit is still spit and snot is still snot and it is gross!), getting up during the night (? What's THAT all about?? lol), pacifiers (yucky). Then you send them to school and they pick up a whole bunch of nice things to say to their parents.

I'm a dog person.

I love my nephew to death. He is a precious boy. He cries/screams...LOUD. Five minutes of watching him..is enough to totally wear me down. Trying to rock him to sleep and screaming again?? WHY??

People think it's weird that I'd rather clean up after dogs than go hang out with kids. I guess I'll be the weird dog lady for now.

chachi · 08-11-2011, 05:28 AM

I think it is your decision to have kids or not. However you cant judge from watching your friends or familys kids is you want kids or not. When you have your own kids everything changes and the way you look at kids changes. They mean everything to you and the inconveniences seem like nothing to you. That is all I wanted to let you know is that it is a magical thing to be a parent to a parent

YorkieRose · 08-11-2011, 05:39 AM

How old are you?
I find when a person is comfortable with a decision they make..what others think is of no importance.
My advise..take life day by day..what I wanted at 20 was different then what I wanted at 30 and 40, 50...what they put on your grave maker is the only thing written in stone...
Bestm wishes

Maximo · 08-11-2011, 06:16 AM

I agree with Pat, be comfortable in your personal decisions. I understand this is a little easier said than done depending on your family's expectations and the people around you. No one ever pestered me in Chicago because there are lots of single people without children. Where I live now is very family-oriented and I have had a couple of neighbors tell me that I have "no reason to exist" because I am unmarried and childless. I am convinced that in both of their cases, they envy my freedom.

I adore my nephews, but I have to admit, I am not too keen about the ill-behaved teenagers in my neighborhood and their parents who behave just as badly.

ChibiLuv · 08-11-2011, 02:38 PM

The "no reason to exist" thing bothers me too. Weather or not you have kids I think people can have a reason to be here and it doesnt nessisarily have to do with kids. I'm almost 30 now and where most clocks would be ticking I just mine is just happ with my puppies. They are enough of a handful. I still want to do things before more kids (fur or skin) come into the picture. I just wish my family would just be happy they have me and im healthy and happy, it just feels like thats not enough for them and it sucks.

Maximo · 08-11-2011, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChibiLuv

The "no reason to exist" thing bothers me too. Weather or not you have kids I think people can have a reason to be here and it doesnt nessisarily have to do with kids. I'm almost 30 now and where most clocks would be ticking I just mine is just happ with my puppies. They are enough of a handful. I still want to do things before more kids (fur or skin) come into the picture. I just wish my family would just be happy they have me and im healthy and happy, it just feels like thats not enough for them and it sucks.

Can you talk to them and tell them exactly this? I understand that sometimes it is impossible. My cousin married when he was well into his 40s, and much to the disappointment of his mother, he does not want children. His mother complains bitterly almost non-stop that my cousin has denied her the joys of being a grandmother. In that kind of case, you just have to be at peace with your decision and put up with being pestered about it.

Sweet Girls · 08-11-2011, 03:04 PM

I'm older, kids are no longer an option for me...but I've been where you are. I remember the shopping trips when my Mom would have me look at baby clothes...now it was even harder for them to understand...I love kids, I work with them. I've been an Early Childhood Educator for 22 years. I've spent all that time with babies and toddlers (0-2.5 years). But it was never "right" time in my life to have them. And I don't regret that. I commend all the parents who work hard to raise children during these tough times...and Valenie, don't worry your day will come, when your son needs you less and you have more time for you...and you will appreciate it so much more than many of us did when we were younger! I agree with the others...be sure of your own decision, do what is right for you and your partner, and try to explain to your family, that the right time will occur when it occurs for you.

Valenie · 08-11-2011, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Girls

I'm older, kids are no longer an option for me...but I've been where you are. I remember the shopping trips when my Mom would have me look at baby clothes...now it was even harder for them to understand...I love kids, I work with them. I've been an Early Childhood Educator for 22 years. I've spent all that time with babies and toddlers (0-2.5 years). But it was never "right" time in my life to have them. And I don't regret that. I commend all the parents who work hard to raise children during these tough times...and Valenie, don't worry your day will come, when your son needs you less and you have more time for you...and you will appreciate it so much more than many of us did when we were younger! I agree with the others...be sure of your own decision, do what is right for you and your partner, and try to explain to your family, that the right time will occur when it occurs for you.

Thanks!!! I tell my mom all the time that my 40's are going to be my glory years!!!

DvlshAngel985 · 08-11-2011, 03:21 PM

I feel you on getting social pressure. Surprisingly, I get pressured by random people (work, and friends) on something that's just right for me. It's not kids, which after watching my cousin and her almost 5 year old, I'm not sure I want anymore.

Can't others understand when we are happy with the world we've created for ourselves??

CouversMom · 08-11-2011, 03:46 PM

I totally understand how you are feeling. I am young and have been married for 3 years now. I don't get too much pressure from our families because they know better, but we do get it from other people. People automatically assume we are going to have children, and are bewildered when I tell them we are not sure whether or not we will have kids.

I think there are two type of people in this world, the ones that have that yearning in their loins to spread their genes, and the ones that don't. I happen not to have that yearning, but it doesn't mean that I won't eventually have kid(s). Who knows? I don't think its anyone elses business

Maximo · 08-11-2011, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Girls

I commend all the parents who work hard to raise children during these tough times...

Quote:

Originally Posted by CouversMom

I don't think its anyone elses business

renee6645 · 08-11-2011, 05:01 PM

Just because you feel that way today doesn't mean you will feel that way forever. When (and if) you are ready to have a baby, have one but only if YOU want to. Don't let anyone bully you into it because it is a huge life-long responsibility. I had my first babies at 24 and 26 and everything about that situation was bad. I couldn't stand my husband (don't feel bad, he couldn't stand me either) and I resented the loss of my free time, my sleep, my money and all that motherhood entailed. I had very sweet, extremely pretty babies too! I just wasn't ready for it. MOM was ecstatic over her grands but it made for a very miserable period in my life. 10 years later (newly remarried), we meticulously planned the birth of my 3rd child. Everything about that birth was joyous and I took delight in every little burp, fart, giggle that child did. I have no idea where my 4th child came from. I went to the doc one day and there he was already 4 months cooking. But I was so excited about that last little one (my first boy), you'd have thought he slid down from heaven on a cloud. I was overwhelming sad that I'd missed out on all of the wonders of motherhood the first 2 times around but I just wasn't prepared for what hit me.

It's vital that YOU want to do it - don't bank on the fact that your "maternal instincts" will kick in and take over because they don't always do that. Mine kicked in when my baby was about 6!

My sister had no children. She e-mails all of us all of her travel itineraries when she is taking a trip - she takes several a year when she has time away from her kick-a## career. I haven't had a really decent vacation in years and now that I have 2 in college, I won't be taking one for a minute! These are the sacrifices that come along with parenting - pushing your car another 100,000 miles so you can get THEM cars then trying not to kill them when they get yet another speeding ticket and your car insurance is more than your mortgage. It's not for the faint of heart...lol. And you have to REALLY know what the benefits to having them are to keep from going completely insane.

God-willing, your time will come. Or not - there may be even grander things in store for you. Worry not, we all have lessons and a purpose in this lifetime - yours will come to you on their own schedule and they will be tailor made and fit just right!

143julz · 08-11-2011, 05:12 PM

BEEN THERE HEARD THAT!!!

I am SKINkidless and VERY proud of it. I never wanted kids, never dreamed of ever being a mommy even as a child.
I've been with my husband for 18 yr, married for 7 now...

I didn't even want a big wedding, BUT i did it for his family, i wanted to elope, but i gave them that much...(it really didn't matter to me) Even my DH wanted a wedding so i coudln't deny HIM that.

Soon after marriage came the question of WHEN will be having babies???

HA, i was pretty sick of hearing it at a family reunion about a year afterwards, and i told them if they wanted babies they should go adopt some that we weren't having them...I think his mom got it that time, i don't think i ever heard about it again

08-10-2011, 06:13 PM	#1
ChibiLuv and molliluv too! Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Irving TX, USA Posts: 1,619	Irritated! (Warning: rant about not wanting kids- if you have kids no disrespect intended) I dont understand what everones OBSESSION is about having kids. Really it doesnt seem that glamourous. So I just spayed my little girl and posted pics on my facebook and my aunt was sad I took away her 'womanhood" but I explained after working at the shelter and seeing animals die from overcrowding I just couldnt breed and I added that If I could spay myself I would. Of course this set off my mom who also wants me to have kids and now they are both harping on me! My aunt said I should at least have one so as to not to break my Mom's heart. REALLY?? I should have kids becouse my mom wants grandchildren? Sorry but last time I check that was not a sufficient enough reason to have kids. Even if kids was a possiblity in the future I'm not going to tell her, then every time I saw her itd be "so are you having them now?" and I have pretty much decided that if I do have kids I'm adopting. I rather not do the whole childbirth thing and really I rather have a slightly older kid, like 2 or up because the whole baby thing doesnt appeal to me either. The crying and the constant need for attention, I mean why? Really kids dont get cool until they start to do things for themselves. And weather or not I decide to adopt or have no kids I am NOT basing my decision off my Mom's need for grandchildren. It's none of my aunts or my moms or anyone elses buisness weather I have kids or not and the more they bug me about it the more it makes me NOT want to have kids. I just hate the whole stigmata surrounding having kids. Society acts like first comes love, then comes marraige, then comes a baby in a baby carrage. Like really are we 5 still? I'm not even Married yet. Sure me and my BF are planning the next step but that doesnt mean we are going to get married and immediatly have kids. I want to travel, I'm still young. Anyways sorry for the rant, had to get that off my chest. __________________ Teapot Club Member

08-11-2011, 03:42 AM	#3
Ellie May And Rylee Finnegan Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Metro Detroit, MI Posts: 17,928	I know what you mean. My family doesn't pressure me to have kids, but they at times appear to think I'm really strange for not even wanting to be around them. I cannot stand whining, crying very loudly, screaming, boogers and snot (baby or not, spit is still spit and snot is still snot and it is gross!), getting up during the night (? What's THAT all about?? lol), pacifiers (yucky). Then you send them to school and they pick up a whole bunch of nice things to say to their parents. I'm a dog person. I love my nephew to death. He is a precious boy. He cries/screams...LOUD. Five minutes of watching him..is enough to totally wear me down. Trying to rock him to sleep and screaming again?? WHY?? People think it's weird that I'd rather clean up after dogs than go hang out with kids. I guess I'll be the weird dog lady for now. __________________ Crystal, Ellie May (RIP), Rylee Finnegan, and Gracie Boo🐶

08-11-2011, 05:28 AM	#4
chachi I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 37,147	I think it is your decision to have kids or not. However you cant judge from watching your friends or familys kids is you want kids or not. When you have your own kids everything changes and the way you look at kids changes. They mean everything to you and the inconveniences seem like nothing to you. That is all I wanted to let you know is that it is a magical thing to be a parent to a parent __________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431 Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427

08-11-2011, 06:16 AM	#6
Maximo ♥ Maximo and Teddy Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 25,041	I agree with Pat, be comfortable in your personal decisions. I understand this is a little easier said than done depending on your family's expectations and the people around you. No one ever pestered me in Chicago because there are lots of single people without children. Where I live now is very family-oriented and I have had a couple of neighbors tell me that I have "no reason to exist" because I am unmarried and childless. I am convinced that in both of their cases, they envy my freedom. I adore my nephews, but I have to admit, I am not too keen about the ill-behaved teenagers in my neighborhood and their parents who behave just as badly. __________________ Kristin, Max and Teddy

08-11-2011, 02:38 PM	#7
ChibiLuv and molliluv too! Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Irving TX, USA Posts: 1,619	The "no reason to exist" thing bothers me too. Weather or not you have kids I think people can have a reason to be here and it doesnt nessisarily have to do with kids. I'm almost 30 now and where most clocks would be ticking I just mine is just happ with my puppies. They are enough of a handful. I still want to do things before more kids (fur or skin) come into the picture. I just wish my family would just be happy they have me and im healthy and happy, it just feels like thats not enough for them and it sucks. __________________ Teapot Club Member

08-11-2011, 05:39 AM	#5
YorkieRose No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South Florida Posts: 8,577	How old are you? I find when a person is comfortable with a decision they make..what others think is of no importance. My advise..take life day by day..what I wanted at 20 was different then what I wanted at 30 and 40, 50...what they put on your grave maker is the only thing written in stone... Bestm wishes

08-11-2011, 03:04 PM	#9
Sweet Girls YT Addict Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Ontario Posts: 273	I'm older, kids are no longer an option for me...but I've been where you are. I remember the shopping trips when my Mom would have me look at baby clothes...now it was even harder for them to understand...I love kids, I work with them. I've been an Early Childhood Educator for 22 years. I've spent all that time with babies and toddlers (0-2.5 years). But it was never "right" time in my life to have them. And I don't regret that. I commend all the parents who work hard to raise children during these tough times...and Valenie, don't worry your day will come, when your son needs you less and you have more time for you...and you will appreciate it so much more than many of us did when we were younger! I agree with the others...be sure of your own decision, do what is right for you and your partner, and try to explain to your family, that the right time will occur when it occurs for you.

08-11-2011, 03:21 PM	#11
DvlshAngel985 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA Posts: 12,693	I feel you on getting social pressure. Surprisingly, I get pressured by random people (work, and friends) on something that's just right for me. It's not kids, which after watching my cousin and her almost 5 year old, I'm not sure I want anymore. Can't others understand when we are happy with the world we've created for ourselves?? __________________ Littlest JakJak We miss you Kaji

08-11-2011, 03:46 PM	#12
CouversMom and Khloe Mae's too! Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Eastern Washington Posts: 14,732	I totally understand how you are feeling. I am young and have been married for 3 years now. I don't get too much pressure from our families because they know better, but we do get it from other people. People automatically assume we are going to have children, and are bewildered when I tell them we are not sure whether or not we will have kids. I think there are two type of people in this world, the ones that have that yearning in their loins to spread their genes, and the ones that don't. I happen not to have that yearning, but it doesn't mean that I won't eventually have kid(s). Who knows? I don't think its anyone elses business __________________ Michelle- mommy to Couver and Khloe Mae! http://yorkiehavenrescue.com/ Last edited by CouversMom; 08-11-2011 at 03:48 PM.

08-11-2011, 05:01 PM	#14
renee6645 Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Richmond, VA, USA Posts: 84	Just because you feel that way today doesn't mean you will feel that way forever. When (and if) you are ready to have a baby, have one but only if YOU want to. Don't let anyone bully you into it because it is a huge life-long responsibility. I had my first babies at 24 and 26 and everything about that situation was bad. I couldn't stand my husband (don't feel bad, he couldn't stand me either) and I resented the loss of my free time, my sleep, my money and all that motherhood entailed. I had very sweet, extremely pretty babies too! I just wasn't ready for it. MOM was ecstatic over her grands but it made for a very miserable period in my life. 10 years later (newly remarried), we meticulously planned the birth of my 3rd child. Everything about that birth was joyous and I took delight in every little burp, fart, giggle that child did. I have no idea where my 4th child came from. I went to the doc one day and there he was already 4 months cooking. But I was so excited about that last little one (my first boy), you'd have thought he slid down from heaven on a cloud. I was overwhelming sad that I'd missed out on all of the wonders of motherhood the first 2 times around but I just wasn't prepared for what hit me. It's vital that YOU want to do it - don't bank on the fact that your "maternal instincts" will kick in and take over because they don't always do that. Mine kicked in when my baby was about 6! My sister had no children. She e-mails all of us all of her travel itineraries when she is taking a trip - she takes several a year when she has time away from her kick-a## career. I haven't had a really decent vacation in years and now that I have 2 in college, I won't be taking one for a minute! These are the sacrifices that come along with parenting - pushing your car another 100,000 miles so you can get THEM cars then trying not to kill them when they get yet another speeding ticket and your car insurance is more than your mortgage. It's not for the faint of heart...lol. And you have to REALLY know what the benefits to having them are to keep from going completely insane. God-willing, your time will come. Or not - there may be even grander things in store for you. Worry not, we all have lessons and a purpose in this lifetime - yours will come to you on their own schedule and they will be tailor made and fit just right! __________________ Mommy to Arielle, Cheyenne, Gabrielle, Lewis, Franklin Francis and Lazarus

08-11-2011, 05:12 PM	#15
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	BEEN THERE HEARD THAT!!! I am SKINkidless and VERY proud of it. I never wanted kids, never dreamed of ever being a mommy even as a child. I've been with my husband for 18 yr, married for 7 now... I didn't even want a big wedding, BUT i did it for his family, i wanted to elope, but i gave them that much...(it really didn't matter to me) Even my DH wanted a wedding so i coudln't deny HIM that. Soon after marriage came the question of WHEN will be having babies??? HA, i was pretty sick of hearing it at a family reunion about a year afterwards, and i told them if they wanted babies they should go adopt some that we weren't having them...I think his mom got it that time, i don't think i ever heard about it again __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!