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05-07-2011, 05:17 PM | #1 |
♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca
Posts: 10,026
| Need some support I am not sure whats been going on with Dh and I, but we have not been getting a long as we usualy do. He has been working since last Monday, about 19 hours a day. He has his full time day job from 5am to about 4 then he has to go to his night job ( rebuilding a Jack in the box) which he wont get home till 1-2 in the morning. We got in a fight the other night, we haven't really been talking, or seeing eachother for that matter. He leaves before me in the morning, and I am asleep when he gets home. This morning we were suppose to go to his Mom's house for a BBQ, he woke me up this morning and was really short with me, he told me if I was going to get up and if I didn't want to go let him know so he can leave... Well he didn't really make me feel like I was wanted so I told him to just go with out me.... I haven't talked to him since. I don't know whats going on with us, I don't know what to do. I feel that we are geting so distant, we are usually at eachothers hips. He had said something when we were fighting that it hurts him bc I dont even wake up to see him when he gets home... First I all I am a hard sleeper!! Sigh, I dont know. I just want things back how we were, I dont know how to handle this or what to do! Thoughts? Advise?
__________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so." |
Welcome Guest! | |
05-07-2011, 05:29 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Posts: 12,693
| First of all, *HUGS!!!!* Could it be DH is just really stressed out? Working 19 hour days, you guys are buying s house (a happy thing, but I assume it's a smidge stressful as well) and he doesn't get to spend any downtime with his family. (you and Peanut) I would be seriously stressed in that situation. My dad is the kind that gets short with us when he's really stressed/overwhelmed at work. Your DH probably didn't mean what he said. If you get a chance, talk to him. He probably just needs a nice calm relaxing day to unwind and let go.
__________________ Littlest JakJak We miss you Kaji |
05-07-2011, 05:31 PM | #3 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South Florida
Posts: 8,577
| You will not like my reply... During the 70's when they had the riots in DC, my husband was a police man..he was working long, hard hours for months...I expected NOTHING from him...and did all I could to make the few free hours he had as pleasant and non-stressful as posssible... Your husband only has 5 non-working hours per day..what do you want from him? |
05-07-2011, 06:03 PM | #4 |
♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca
Posts: 10,026
| DvlshAngel985 & YorkieRose- Thanks, you guys are right! I feel like I have not been there to support him as I should be! I feel like such a jerk! YorkieRose- You know what I DO like your reply!! I think I just needed to hear it, as silly as that sounds. I know I should know what to do, and how to handle this, I have been selfish to him. I know he is stressed and tired and all of the above. Me as his partner should be there for him. You are 100% right! I have just been annoyed with me being alone, when he is the one getting no sleep, and working hard labor at 2 jobs!! I think I don't give him enough credit, I mean he works these crazy hours and he never complains about it, so I assume it doesnt phase him. I know he is tired and stressed out, but he doesnt communicate with me very often. I am not saying it gives me an excuse but if he were to tell me how tired he is and how much he misses his family I would see it and hear it.. I need to talk to him when he gets home, I hope he will understand how sorry I am, sometimes I think it takes someone to say something for you to notice something, even if you already should have notcied it
__________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so." |
05-07-2011, 06:15 PM | #5 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South Florida
Posts: 8,577
| All feelings are valid..but I always try to put myself in the other persons place...and sweetie, all I know is...if I worked 19 hrs a day, I would have nothing left to give... I hope this schedule can end soon...it is not healthy for him in any area of his life. PS...it will all come back to you in the years to come...my husband treats me like I am the most special person on earth...he would do anything for me... Marriage is rarely 50/50...it depends on what the person is going through at any given time...some time he may need 100% during a difficult time...but he will be there when you need 100%... If he was out partying it would be different..but he is working for his family...everyday tell him something positive about him and his hard work...make him feel like a king...and I double dog guarantee you will reap a heap of good things to come....you are laying a solid foundation to last a life time. |
05-07-2011, 06:18 PM | #6 | |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Posts: 12,693
| Quote:
__________________ Littlest JakJak We miss you Kaji | |
05-07-2011, 06:28 PM | #7 | |
♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca
Posts: 10,026
| Quote:
I know this schedule is not healthy for him, I worry about that. I believe the job is almost over, I am glad to have heard the kind words you said I have the confidence to help him more, and support him. DH would do anything for me, I need to be more of a supporter for him, esp now when he needs me the most. I am not always good with words, I have never been. I can write on a paper or on the computer but when it comes to talking I am horrible! I will just have to show him in actions. When he gets home I am just going to hug him and tell him I am sorry, then from there start to support him in anything he needs! ps- I am so glad you posted on my thread, You have truly helped me and I want to Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
__________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so." Last edited by lovespandp; 05-07-2011 at 06:30 PM. | |
05-07-2011, 06:35 PM | #8 |
♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca
Posts: 10,026
| I think my problem is, how he acts towards me. He has been so tired and worn down, he doesnt give me the attention he usually does. I take that to heart. I think maybe I did something to get treated that way but I know he is just worn down. I really need to stop thinking like that!! That is my first step!
__________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so." |
05-07-2011, 06:36 PM | #9 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: At Home
Posts: 8,386
| I'm sorry you are having problems with your DH. Glad your not in my shoes. After hubby retired from Army, he went to work over sea's as a contractor for the Government, the money is good. What was supposed to be only two years has now turned into 4 years. With the economy the way it is and has been, we have decided it is best for us that he stay there. When he does come home on leave, I do everything I can for him and spend as much time as I can. I know how very hard it is on him. I know not the same situation.
__________________ [SIZE="3"VICKI & ALLIE[/SIZE] |
05-07-2011, 06:44 PM | #10 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Maui, Hawaii
Posts: 7,740
| I'm glad you are already seeing things in a new light. It must be really hard for you two with his exhausting work schedule, but hang in there and things will get better (especially if you can be a little extra patient and loving). You are blessed to have a guy who is willing to work so hard to provide for you, and it appears that you realize that now and are more prepared to give him the appreciation he deserves.
__________________ SANDY, MOM TO TIKI , KAYLA , KARLEE , R.I.P. MEIKA |
05-07-2011, 06:46 PM | #11 | |
♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca
Posts: 10,026
| Quote:
__________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so." | |
05-07-2011, 06:48 PM | #12 | |
♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca
Posts: 10,026
| Quote:
__________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so." | |
05-07-2011, 06:52 PM | #13 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South Florida
Posts: 8,577
| You are going to be just fine...I wish I could tell you this is the last problem you will have, but we all know life is not like that....but you are married to your best friend and you will get through anything. The best advise I could ever give young married people is to always, always put the martial relationship first...you start out as two people and end as two people...make sure when the kids are gone and you are old, you have spent all those years in the middle making sure the last of part of your life together will be the best part... |
05-07-2011, 07:19 PM | #14 |
Crazy about Kacee! Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kansas
Posts: 21,173
| Do something nice for him and tell him how much you love him and appreciate how hard he is working. Don't focus on yourself. Focus on him.
__________________ Karen Kacee Muffin 1991-2005 Rest in Peace My Little Angel |
05-07-2011, 07:39 PM | #15 |
♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca
Posts: 10,026
| YorkieRose- Thank you again! You are a wise woman!! yorkieusa- I'm going to!! I am going to try to focus more on him, less on me
__________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so." |
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