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Old 11-13-2005, 10:38 AM   #1
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Default Whatever happen to, turning 40 and

not caring anymore! Someone told me that when I turned 40, I wouldn't care what people think. Well, I'm 47 and thats not true! I work in a school as the Principal's Secretary. I work with a few woman in the office very closely. Bookkeeper, Data Entry, Student Services, and other secretaries. Lately I have been having a problem with one of them. We use to go on breaks together, laugh about things all the time, and lately she hasn't talked to me. I asked her whats wrong and I write her email and apoligize for whatever it is I did. And all she has to tell me is nothings wrong. Things started to get back very slowly to somewhat normal and then this past Friday all hell broke loose. I was acused of not being a nice person and not being a team player. This is going to be long but this is what happened:
I was asked by the principal to get a cake for someone. I ran to the store bought a cake and a card, brought it back and had everyone sign the card. The principal went to the birthday perosn's office to get him and returned saying "we'll bring it there" In the meantime I was making coffee, finding cups, sugar, creamer, candles, plates, forks, napkins... Then the principal and I brought the cake over. I relaized some of the people I worked with were not there and I ran to get them ( granted it was after the singing) But I did run to get them. This one person wasn't there so I put a piece of cake on her desk.
When she returned I got all this crap about not being a nice person and not a team player. After about 2 hours I was talking to someone about why I was upset and she walked into my office to get something off of the printer, and I lost it on her! Gosh I started to scream and cry and I couldn't stop!
Trust me it was bad! Not professional at all!!

My question is this. If I don't feel like I did anything wrong, Why do I care so much??
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Old 11-13-2005, 10:57 AM   #2
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I don't think you did anything wrong either...It probably bothers
you because your coworker is challenging your sense of character
and judging you for actions that were out of your control. It also
bites when disageements come up with people you are in close
contact with on a daily basis because it makes it uncomfortable
for all involved. Hang in there!
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Old 11-13-2005, 10:59 AM   #3
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Turning 40 was the best thing for me . I never felt so free to be .
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Old 11-13-2005, 12:15 PM   #4
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My .02:

Office politics and relationships can be exhausting and hurtful. The rumor and gossip mills can turn good people into ogres and give mean people a forum they would never have in another setting.

What turning 40 did to me was give me the courage to cut through the BS. To not explode at the insensitivity of others or jump up on my own soapbox and tell people in notes and innuendo why I'm right.

Now I talk to them. I treat them with respect, even the ogres and meanies. I find that doing that knocks down every barrier there is. I find that their feelings are always justified and that I usually missed something. And they find that I have a right to be upset. Together, we find a new respect for each other.

So, for me at least, turning 40 doesn't mean I care less. It means I care more, enough to solve the problems instead of making them worse.

Good luck.
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Old 11-13-2005, 01:20 PM   #5
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Thanks everyone, I have tried to solve whatever the problem was, by trying to talk to her and write her emails (even though her office is 5 feet away from mine.) But she won't and didn't talk to me, except to say "No, there is nothing wrong" When I started to scream, I was screaming things like What did I do, Why do you hate me, Tell me so I can fix the probelm etc... She just looked at me like I was crazy.

I guess what I meant by not caring anymore is Not caring what people think about me!
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Old 11-13-2005, 01:24 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by troubletb
Thanks everyone, I have tried to solve whatever the problem was, by trying to talk to her and write her emails (even though her office is 5 feet away from mine.) But she won't and didn't talk to me, except to say "No, there is nothing wrong" When I started to scream, I was screaming things like What did I do, Why do you hate me, Tell me so I can fix the probelm etc... She just looked at me like I was crazy.

I guess what I meant by not caring anymore is Not caring what people think about me!
Sorry, just like a guy to try to solve all the problems of the world without truly understanding. For what it's worth, you sound like a great co-worker to me. Because you still care.
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Old 11-13-2005, 01:28 PM   #7
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Oh you poor thing - it sounded like YOU were the team player and not them !! You ran out to get the cake - you did the prep work and YOU tried to track down the rest of your co-workers - what on earth is wrong with THAT ? I think you went out of your way to try to have a nice party !

As far as being 40 and not caring ? I think I care MORE what people think than I did when I was in my 20's...back then.... I went my own way and didn't give a hoot what ANYONE thought -

Now...I try to please way more people and Know I can't... but I try. I am way more sensitive than I was back then and to tell you the truth - getting older SUCKS ! lol

I think you need to kick that co-worker to the curb - just do your work and don't worry about her - many people find it amusing to be mysterious and if she can't tell you to your face what her problem is - then DON'T WORRY about it - it is HER problem

Sorry that all happened to you - it sounds like you sure didn't deserve it - if anything... they all should have been THANKING you !
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Old 11-13-2005, 02:00 PM   #8
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Sound like your a great co-worker to me. Wish you were at our School when I worked there. That office really need help! I bet she's younger than you. Maybe she's upset because she didn't step in and help, when she should have. Your still upset because you still care. Hang in there!
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Old 11-13-2005, 02:12 PM   #9
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I think you got upset because you care, honestly i think maybe you care TOO much, just leave her to celebrate her own "pityparty" give her a cold shoulder and turn your head, she will then soon come round to speak to you!
She's probably chewing on sour grapes, leave her to sort herself out, she's the one with a chip on her shoulder, not you!!
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Old 11-13-2005, 04:03 PM   #10
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It bothers you because you sound like a genuinely caring, nice person. For me turning 40 set me free and I can't tell you what 50 did for me. I try not to offend anyone and I try to work out issues by sitting down and discussing the problem and hopefully coming to a solution. BUT..once that is all done, and I'm not getting any where, then too bad, its now your problem not mine. I refuse to become an emotional hostage. I think what happens, as you get older you take stock of your priorities and figure whats really important in your life and there are some situations that you just will not stress over.
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Old 11-13-2005, 04:11 PM   #11
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I'm not over 40... I'm 29


Seriously.. I WISH I could careLESS. I actually will stay up all night long worrying I offended someone while they are snoozing away not giving a hoot. I think I'm just going to start being selfish. Being sensitive gets me SQUAT
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Old 11-13-2005, 05:51 PM   #12
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I once worked in an office where I offended the secretary. She quit answering my phone, processing my travel papers, etc. I told her I knew I had done something to offend her and I wanted to make it right, but she wouldn't tell me what it was. I had to talk to the boss about her refusing to do her job because this was back before voice mail, etc. It was awful. Finally she just quit without giving notice. Whatever it was bugged her a lot more than it bugged me and it bugged me a lot. It's horrible to work in a situation like that and I really feel for you. But sometimes there's just nothing you can do. If the other person wants to perpetuate the situation you're stuck. Just live in peace in your own self since you know you tried to do everything possible. To this day I don't know what I did wrong, but I quit worrying about it a long time ago. Life is too precious to waste worrying about people who WANT to have something to take offense at.
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Old 11-14-2005, 05:35 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fourdez
It bothers you because you sound like a genuinely caring, nice person. For me turning 40 set me free and I can't tell you what 50 did for me. I try not to offend anyone and I try to work out issues by sitting down and discussing the problem and hopefully coming to a solution. BUT..once that is all done, and I'm not getting any where, then too bad, its now your problem not mine. I refuse to become an emotional hostage. I think what happens, as you get older you take stock of your priorities and figure whats really important in your life and there are some situations that you just will not stress over.
I'm right there with you...life is just too short...people are starving...dying...and catering to someone because they want to be manipulative and controlling just isn't on my "To Do List"...


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Old 11-14-2005, 06:01 AM   #14
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KAREN - I just got this today and thought of you right away !

MAXINE is the BEST cartoon
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Old 11-14-2005, 06:38 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Francie
I'm right there with you...life is just too short...people are starving...dying...and catering to someone because they want to be manipulative and controlling just isn't on my "To Do List"...


Francie
So true Francie

and Villette that cartoon is me in a nutshell

Karen, if it weren't a working situation it would be easier to just let it go and
I do know it's hard. You did nothing wrong SO THAT'S IT!! The more you
defend yourself with co-workers or talk about her, the worse it will get and
you will look guilty of something. Like Francie said in life people are dying
and terrible things are happening and this is one little way that this jealous
person dealt with you.....you be the bigger person and let it go. Prayers are
coming for you to be strong.
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