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11-12-2010, 02:23 PM | #1 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 5,748
| How do you/did you know you were ready for children? I am having a really hard time knowing if we're ready to become parents or if we even are supposed to ever have children. I'm young, going to be 23 in a few weeks and my husband will be 25 in March. We discuss this now and then and are happy with just the two of us and our two beautiful dogs for now, but how do you know when it's time? Do you really ever know for sure or do you just go for it and hope you're there? Advice from new mommies, old mommies, and grandmommies...expecting mommies and soon to be planning mommies would be great!! |
Welcome Guest! | |
11-12-2010, 04:29 PM | #2 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker | I'm still waiting and I'm 50+ years old. I personally think you should really WANT children. If you thought having dogs was a commitment, having children is much bigger. Do you want children someday, but just not now? Or are you thinking about it because you think you should or other people are pressuring you? I'd be interested to know how you feel about having children deep in your heart regardless of any practical considerations. |
11-12-2010, 05:28 PM | #4 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Knoxville,Tennessee
Posts: 3,073
| I got married at 18, had my dtr at 22. My hubby and I knew we wanted children from the start. We had names picked out before we got married. We tried waiting till we had more money but realized we would never have enought money to raise a child the way we wanted. I think if there is a lot of doubt in your mind, it is not the right time (just my opinion). I also feel no one is ever really "ready" to have a child. It is like no other experience you will ever have from the time the pregnancy is realized.
__________________ PAWPRINTS AND DOG HAIR ENHANCE MY PERSONAL STYLE. |
11-12-2010, 05:50 PM | #5 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 5,748
| here's where i'm at. i know that i would be a great mother. i've always wanted kids someday. sometimes i really want them soon and other days i'm just not ready for the noise, lack of sleep and snotty noses. i like my space too much, and my money and if i never have kids think of all the places i might go and see the world over. but would i miss something? would i miss feeling a baby kick inside or holding an infant i created. i think i would. so yes i'm pretty sure i want children, one or two of them. but i don't want to loose all this freedom and my identity by now being a mother and not just myself. i'm so back and forth about it. my mom wants us to wait 5 years. we'll be married two of them in May but together almost 4 years this valentine's day. so when's the right time. do we wait until we make more money or until our savings reaches a number? do we wait for a feeling to hit us? last night i watched "Life as we know it" and then went home and my husband and i were intimate. in the moment i was tearing up and i said can we just go natural tonight? he didn't want to, he's not ready and he said "you're just feeling emotional after the movie" but i'm not so sure i was. i think that i may have been actually wanting to. i feel secure and stable now in my new job. i have great benefits and a pension plan. i have great insurance. i think i'm finally confident and ready. but he's not. and maybe i'm not really i just don't know. what do you think?? |
11-12-2010, 06:05 PM | #6 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member | For me the decision was a gradual one, not any one "light bulb" moment, but little things over the course of a few years. When first married (21) I didn't want children or so I thought. As the years went by, I faced my fears and emotions about child raising and began to think I could do this ......also my dh wanted children very much so that made the decision easier knowing he would be a wonderful dad. I do admire you for thinking this through so carefully, it's a monumental decision to bring human life into this world.
__________________ ~Ruby, Reno, Razz, & Jack~ |
11-12-2010, 06:10 PM | #7 |
Crazy about Kacee! Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kansas
Posts: 21,173
| You're still very young. Wait until you at least aren't questioning whether or not you are ready. That's just my opinion.
__________________ Karen Kacee Muffin 1991-2005 Rest in Peace My Little Angel |
11-12-2010, 07:17 PM | #8 |
Action Jackson ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Maryland
Posts: 17,814
| You're still young! I am only 20 myself and can't even imagine having kids now or in 3 years. I know I want children eventually. But I'll give you some of my insight: My mom had me when she was 22 and she obviously never regretted having me (hello! I'm the coolest ) but she does wish she had been older. She was still just so young and went through so many phases... for the first year of my life, she stayed home and was into the mom thing, but then she missed partying and staying out late. She became a real party woman and I was left with babysitters a lot, though always taken care of properly and loved. My dad was 23 at the time and also went through his 'want to be out on the boat all day and night' phase (we live near Chesapeake Bay) when I was a baby but he also owned his own business at the time and was successful. I have more memories of my dad taking care of me than my mom to be honest. They were just TOO young and had two different mind sets. They loved each other at one point in their life but both went off in different directions... I think, had they met when they were older, they'd be perfect for each other now. And both have told me that they feel that way, even though both are re-married. They got divorced when I was 10 and it was REALLY hard on me. She had my little brother under unforeseen circumstances when she was 32 and was in a much better place in her life to raise a child, honestly. My aunt waited to have her first until she was 34 and is SOOOO happy with her baby. She enjoys all of her time with him and raising him, and spending time with him. She is over the partying phase and selfish phase in her life and it was the right time for her to have a baby. She's not perfectly happy in her marriage but she's so glad she had him and is grateful she waited. My personal goal is to wait until early-mid 30's to have a baby. I think most people are in a potentially better mindset then and possibly don't have so many 'changes' that will occur in their lives.
__________________ ~ Brit & Lights! Camera! Jackson! CGC ETD TKP ~ Follow Jackson on Instagram: https://instagram.com/jacksontheterrier Last edited by Britster; 11-12-2010 at 07:18 PM. |
11-12-2010, 07:49 PM | #9 |
♥ Chip ♥ Smokey ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Leesburg
Posts: 3,835
| You sound like me. I'm 23. Hubby is 25, almost 26 and we've been married 4 years. I'm dying to have a baby. I don't think he really cares one way or the other right now, but I'm feeling my maternal instincts kicking in big time.
__________________ ~*~ Chip ~*~ Smokey ~*~ My heart is wrapped around their little paws Karley Marissa born 1/20/12 weighing 8 lbs 11 oz and 21.5 inches long |
11-12-2010, 07:59 PM | #10 |
Yorkie Talker Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: polk city,florida,usa
Posts: 20
| i am 22, been together for about 4 years (may of nxt year) i honestly am terrified. I am afraid what it will do to my body, my personal time, and freedom. so i know i am not ready but i dont know if i ever will be. However I have 5 dogs and going on a sixth. i lost my little yorkie last year and havent coped with it until now. being ready or not ready might be the feeling inside for the man in your life. i support this house hold my dh is the housedad lol so i dont know what the future will hold if i cannot work so until he works icant do anything about it
__________________ MOMMY <3s Max Monkey Tank Champ and one more on the way Vixie |
11-12-2010, 08:16 PM | #11 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Washington
Posts: 837
| If you wait until you are ready to have a child, it'll never happen. If you're already wondering, then you're ready. It all comes together. Kendra |
11-12-2010, 09:24 PM | #12 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 5,748
| this is so hard! arrrggghhhh. i just don't know if i'm telling myself to wait until we get this done or that done if we'll ever really get it done...mike says in less than 2 more years we'll prob. be pregnant. and i believe that's what is going to feel right to me as well. we'll just have to see for sure. thanks guys you make things so much easier. |
11-14-2010, 05:32 AM | #13 |
YT Addict Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 492
| IMO you will know that you're ready when you feel like having baby without any hesitations. When you feel excitement then I think you should have your baby. Also check your financial and emotional status. |
11-14-2010, 05:55 AM | #14 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: FL
Posts: 7,651
| I am mom to 3 sons, and grandmom to 3 grandchildren (2 girls and a boy). I don't know if I was really "ready" to have the first one, but I sure wanted him! I wanted to be a mom more than anything. I think it was my biggest motivation for getting married the first time. That is probably why it did not work (marriage not the child -- he worked out wonderfully!). But I did have a lot of learning along the way. Second time, I wanted another child and thought I was ready for him -- still had lots more learning to do! Third time around, I wanted a child and was sure I was ready for him. Yep -- still a lot of learning to be done as they are all so very different. So, I don't know if anyone is ever completely ready to hae children. It just has to be a decision of what you want and what you are willing to learn and commit to doing over the longhaul. It is just such a personal decision, no one can really give you advice on it. You will know if and when the time is right for you. No one else can tell that. If you decide not to have children, that is fine too. Although my children have given me more joy than I ever thought possible, and I know my life would not be complete without them, I do respect others' decision to not have children. We are all just as different as the children we may or may not have. Desire to have them comes first -- then you get to start making preparations and asking the hard questions like when. I don't necessarily think you have to wait until you are financially wealthy, but I do think people need to be sure they can afford to provide necessities for them. My first two never had the latest & greatest, but they were well fed, clothed, and always had a decent roof over their heads. My 3rd was spoiled rotten, according to his older brothers. But I don't think having the extra money was any big advantage for him in any of the important ways. His biggest advantage was time -- my husband & I both retired when he was young and had lots of quality time to spend with him. So, I do think that is a factor to consider. If you both work, how much time will you be able to spend with a child? How much is enough, is again one of those very personal questions. Some can make a few hours into serious quality time while some may always be around, but not really be spending the time on their children. You know what I mean. So, I guess those would be the big 3 -- Do you WANT them, can you AFFORD them, and do you have TIME for them? Then you can start reading the books, forgetting what the books say and learning on the job! It is the most important decision a person can really ever make -- to have a child is such a HUGE responsibility and committment. It is to your credit that you are really putting some serious thought into it. I think way too many enter into it lightly without ever realizing what it really means and what a huge undertaking raising a child is or should be. It is one of those investments that pays HUGE dividends though. They give back a thousand-fold in joy, laughter, and love!
__________________ FlDebra and her ABCs Annie, Ben, Candy Promoting Healthy Breeding to the AKC Yorkshire Terrier Standard |
11-14-2010, 06:21 AM | #15 |
♥ Luv My Lil' M&M ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA
Posts: 1,572
| I am 35 and have known since around my teen yrs I wanted children. I met my husband when I was 21. We married when I was 24, and shortly after FINALLY talked my husband into having children. We have two, girl and boy. To see what you and your SO created together, and to watch them grow, and learn....It's an amazing experience!
__________________ Angie Madison Chance Our Future Baby Tatum |
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