Tell me if we were wrong

[jmdt]

My 19yr old daughter works at a day camp for the summer. Well one of the older councilors has a hand problem. He tickles all the girls (but I tell her we don't care about all the girls we care about her) Well the other day he started with her. She was sitting on a bench and she had her foot up on the bench trying to protect herself and telling him to stop. There were other councilors there but they didn't know what to do. Now yesterday he put his arm around her. Well she was very uncomfortable with this. She doesn't like drama and won't tell her boss. She likes to just lay low and go with the flow.
Well my husband called her boss and told him that if this doesn't stop he will have the guy arrested for harassment. I said something to the older councilors yesterday when I was there. Apparently they talked to this guy with his supervisor today.
Now she is mad at us. Telling us she can handle it and to stay out of her business. Why do we have to get in her business. She is our business and I had all to do to keep my husband home and not go talk to this guy personally!!
This wasn't like she had a problem at work and we got involved. Someone made my daughter feel uncomfortable and we stepped in.

Were we wrong??

[KJLive]

I have a 22 year old daughter and if it were happening to her and she didn't have the nerve to tell the boss or tell the guy to knock it off...then "yes" I would have said something too.

At 19 she may not have appreciated Mom and Dad sticking their nose in her business, but at 30....she'll look back and be glad you did it.

What you describe sounds as if it could turn really bad and I'd rather have my daughter a bit miffed at me for stepping in than sexually harrassed or maybe even assaulted.

You got my vote!

[Debbier2010]

You absolutely, positively did the right thing she might be mad now but eventually she will have children of her own and she will understand and be grateful to have parents that cared enough to get in her business before it could get any worse.....

[shodanusmc]

for a daughter 19, yes, we would have got involved. I would not care if she was mad at me for a while. THat is uncalled for, and the guy should receive counseling as he looks for a new job. Good thing I am now kinder and gentler. If anyone abused a family member of mine, the race would be on between Marge and I to see who gets to the person the quickest. And if they were lucky, I would be first!

[yorkie_mama22]

I'm 24 and I can say that I think you did the right thing. I would of maybe got mad at my mom too but I would get over it quickly!

If he couldn't get the hint to stop then something needed to be done. WIth all the weirdos out there lately you just never know.

when I was 17 I worked at my moms factory on weekends. we had a clean up crew. we got a new guy and he was kind of weird and would make "gross" remarks. Well I came to find out that he had been in trouble for sexual assault on a girl. Myself and another girl I worked with told our boss about his dirty remarks and his past history. The next weekend he was fired!

[jmdt]

I'm just worried now that she won't tell us anything anymore. She called my husband from work and told him she will quit if he calls.

Well he already called and he told her boss not to say anything to her.

I hate this part of being a mom. There are so many new challenges at different ages in their lives. I am learning as I go.

Lost the book they gave me at birth.

[KJLive]

Originally Posted by jmdt

I'm just worried now that she won't tell us anything anymore. She called my husband from work and told him she will quit if he calls.

Well he already called and he told her boss not to say anything to her.

I hate this part of being a mom. There are so many new challenges at different ages in their lives. I am learning as I go.

Lost the book they gave me at birth.

Yeah, it is a difficult age.

Maybe you should get her the book "Stranger Beside Me". It's written by a woman/ex cop who worked side by side and became work friends with Ted Bundy. She had no clue he was a sociopathic killer and still doubted it as he was being arrested, let go, arrested, escaped, etc. He would call her in between the arrest/escapes. He was that good at deceiving people.

At least this guy was blatant. Your daughter just needs to have to deal with you and her Father getting involved until she is old enough and mature enough to know the difference between harmless and dangerous when it comes to men.

[Julia Howard]

When my daughter was in jr high school, she was out sick for a week with the flu. The nineteen year old janitor had the nerve to call our house and ask me for our address so he could send her flowers. After I burned his ears a bit about what is appropriate, I called the principal and told him I didnt appreciate the nineteen year old janitor calling my jr high daughter. He called me "racist" and my daughter was really angry with me because all the kids like him and sat in his new car during lunch. Two weeks later this guy was arrested for raping two girls outside a local convenience store. I called the principal back and asked him if he thought I was just an overprotective Mom now. You cant be too careful. There are a lot of nuts out there.

[jmdt]

ok now I want to cry. It's really scary out there. There is definatly a fine line between overprotective and butting in to their lives. I hope someday she will understand. I am very surprised at her because she is a very strong young lady and really doesn't anyone push her around. I was surprised she didn't get angry at him.

I think this guy is a creep and he works around children. I hope they watch him now. None of the girls would say anything to the boss. Oh thats just creepy dan is all they say.

Not my kid is what I say!!

[lil fu fu girl]

I feel like you did the right thing, maybe not the thing that your daughter wanted...but the right thing none the less. Pedaphiles make a point to work in an environment that is abundant with their prey. Making sure that your daughter is safe...IS your job.

[2Morkies]

If that were me at any age, my dad would have gone down and beat the guy up. I think you should still report him...the camp administration needs a wake up call.
Your daughter told him to stop and he didn't. I think she's probably glad you did something...she just needed to "save face" with her peers. If it didn't bother her she wouldn't have said anything to you.

[MauiGirl]

As parents, we have a lifelong responsibility to protect our children, no matter what it takes or how uncomfortable it makes someone feel.

You acted properly, you are doing your job to protect your daughter, and someday she will realize it and understand your position better. You likely have nipped it in the bud and perhaps saved many kids from inappropriate touching (or much worse).

[jmdt]

Thank you all for your reassurance. I certainly know what my dad would have done.!! She is still mad and doesn't know that we called. But I am still on my bandwagon about her being my business and no one will touch her without permission. I told her I was surprised she didn't freak on him. She doesn't like to be touched period, let alone be tickled. Even if it was "harmless" and just "playing" it was inappropriate and it crossed the boundry line. He won't do it again!! He's been put on notice---not acceptable---period

Thanks guys!! your the best

[Lorraine]

You certainly did the right thing. However, I think this is a deeper problem This guy works in a day camp? Had he ever had criminal checks etc or do they do that at that day camp? I am very concerned that he is working in this type of environment. I would go one step further and report his behaviour to the police, now, before something else happens with someone else, such as a kid in the daycare, or one of the other girls working there.

[jmdt]

They do do fingerprinting and background checks on their employees. I know because my older son works there also. It doesn't mean to say that they aren't criminals they just didn't get caught yet.!!! She keeps saying that he was just joking around and he is not a pedophile. Either this guy is just VERY freindly or there is something more. Anyway the supervisor is aware of it and so is the head guy. So they will watch him.
He could just be an immature idiot who doest know right from wrong.