Returning an unwanted child!

[Krystee]

Omgosh, I really need to study but I am sitting here with my jaw on the floor. I'm watching CNN and waiting to hear about the fate of the 4 missing miners in WV, when they started talking about this story:

Grandmother: Adopted boy sent back to Russia was violent - CNN.com

We get upset when someone adopts a dog and then changes their mind and gets rid of it and that's bad enough.... but a child?!? So so sad!

[DvlshAngel985]

All I can say is WOW. I don't think the truth will be coming out immediately. So many people are going to try to cover their behinds and point fingers. If the boy truly did the things that were described, that's disturbing. Why would a Russian adoption agency knowingly adopt a mentally unstable child out to any family?

[ArmaniMan]

This story is sickening on so many levels. First off when you adopt a child it should be like you have given birth to that child... sometimes children arent perfect and have problems, physical, mental or both... you should be willing to work through those problems. However, even if you decide you are not cut out for it and cannot give them the home they deserve, you do not stick a child on a plane alone with a note that says you dont want them... there are other ways to go about giving up a child.

[Bianca]

I am not saying it's right, but I know a lot of these children in these foreign places are not treated well. As infants they are not shown affection or even touched and they become disconnected from people . This woman may not have been equipped to care for this child many people are not. It takes years and years of intense therapy for these children to even be able to live a fairly normal life. As infants touching and hugging is so important and if these comforts are not given the child will not even experience compassion or know how to have it. As mothers we teach our children by touching them and hugging them . I have watched so many stories on how this occurs and the outcome is almost always violence from these children. So before we judge lets get the whole story.. JMO

[Patti]

Shocking. My godchild was adopted at 13 months of age from Russia by my best friend and she is now 13 years old and the sweetest, most compassionate child I have met. I do know that a lot of these kids do have problems but one would hope you would adopt for life.

[Bianca]

Originally Posted by ArmaniMan

This story is sickening on so many levels. First off when you adopt a child it should be like you have given birth to that child... sometimes children arent perfect and have problems, physical, mental or both... you should be willing to work through those problems. However, even if you decide you are not cut out for it and cannot give them the home they deserve, you do not stick a child on a plane alone with a note that says you dont want them... there are other ways to go about giving up a child.

I agree it's sickening, but if you ever watched what these children are capable of doing and the degree of violence that they have you may feel differently.
They harm animals and their siblings and other stuff and sometimes the parents need to protect their family and can't do anything to help the adopted child, I am not saying this is the case in this story, but it happens a lot more than we know.
Some parents are in it till the end and will go to the ends of the earth to help the child, others can't.
I see how the children rock back and forth and are so disconnected, all this from not experiencing human touch, it's awful

[Darlene68]

I think it a sad situation all around.

[ArmaniMan]

Originally Posted by Bianca

I agree it's sickening, but if you ever watched what these children are capable of doing and the degree of violence that they have you may feel differently.
They harm animals and their siblings and other stuff and sometimes the parents need to protect their family and can't do anything to help the adopted child, I am not saying this is the case in this story, but it happens a lot more than we know.
Some parents are in it till the end and will go to the ends of the earth to help the child, others can't.
I see how the children rock back and forth and are so disconnected, all this from not experiencing human touch, it's awful

I dont know what kind of problems this kid had but she CHOSE to adopt him and I think that at the least warrants enough compassion to place him in the hands of the right agency and not dump him on a cross country flight alone. Whatever he did, or however bad his problems were they likely were not his fault and imagine how scary it would be to be a 7 year old kid alone on a flight across the world. I am not trying to say she had to keep him, I dont know her situation or his but the way she went about giving him up is what I find fault with.

[MyPann]

I really hope that there are some repercussions to his adopted "parents/family" for just putting him on a plane and sending him back like that, they abandoned him! If that child had issues imagine how the poor boy feels being turned away like that! His anger and frustration and vilolent tendencies could have come from previous abuse coupled with moving to a new home in a new country where they speak a different language, was unable to cope, probably had issues already of abandonment, and then was turned away again unwanted by this family that was supposed to be the beginning of a new great life and they were supposed to love him and care for him(can you tell I'm going to school for psychology). When you adopt a child you are that child's parent threw the good and the bad your supposed to help that child! To not even contact the agency saying hey were having problems maybe second thought, I mean it's absolutely ludicrous! I am enraged at this whole thing and probably rambling but this is absolutely ridiculous, there is no reason to send a child on his way like this he is only seven years old! It's just disgusting! @$%^$!

[livingdustmops]

I can't believe she just put him on a plane but I will tell you this has happened in the past before with other people adopting children from Russia.. Some of these children were never touched the first years of their life and as such have real mental problems..it is so sad but it does not excuse what this woman did..

[Krystee]

Originally Posted by MyPann

I really hope that there are some repercussions to his adopted "parents/family" for just putting him on a plane and sending him back like that, they abandoned him! If that child had issues imagine how the poor boy feels being turned away like that! His anger and frustration and vilolent tendencies could have come from previous abuse coupled with moving to a new home in a new country where they speak a different language, was unable to cope, probably had issues already of abandonment, and then was turned away again unwanted by this family that was supposed to be the beginning of a new great life and they were supposed to love him and care for him(can you tell I'm going to school for psychology). When you adopt a child you are that child's parent threw the good and the bad your supposed to help that child! To not even contact the agency saying hey were having problems maybe second thought, I mean it's absolutely ludicrous! I am enraged at this whole thing and probably rambling but this is absolutely ridiculous, there is no reason to send a child on his way like this he is only seven years old! It's just disgusting! @$%^$!

This is exactly how I felt watching this story on T.V. I work with children and we recently had to suspend a student for violent behavior and he was a challenge to say the least so I'm sure the parent got more than what she bargained for BUT she should have done everything under the sun to get him the help he needed. How can you expect to adopt a 7 yr. old child (or however old he was at the time) from another country and expect for them to not have some issues. What if her birth child was having the same behavorial issues? Would she just abandon him at the bus stop? Thinking about everything this child has probably been through makes me want to cry

[LuvMyPuppE]

i don't understand why people want to adopt children from other countries in the first place when there are so many right next door that need a home, but that's just my opinion.

sort of like everyone sending money to earthquake victims overseas, but so dead set against giving a dime for healthcare right here at home.

oh well -what can ya do?

[Bianca]

Originally Posted by ArmaniMan

I dont know what kind of problems this kid had but she CHOSE to adopt him and I think that at the least warrants enough compassion to place him in the hands of the right agency and not dump him on a cross country flight alone. Whatever he did, or however bad his problems were they likely were not his fault and imagine how scary it would be to be a 7 year old kid alone on a flight across the world. I am not trying to say she had to keep him, I dont know her situation or his but the way she went about giving him up is what I find fault with.

I agree with you , I think maybe the person giving her advice was not a child expert so she didn't get the right advice of what to do. No, it's never these children faults , but like I said it takes years to fix what other people have done to them since birth. People sometimes are just not able to handle the years of fixing this problem, but yes I think she handled it wrong . A lot of oversea adoptions go one everyday and turn out fine , but a lot do not and I think it's cause the agencies are not disclosing critically info on these children and their problems. It's very sad

[SophieKatesMom]

That is horrible. What kind of person puts a 7 a seven year old child on an airplane, alone on a transatlantic flight? I am sure this lady thought she was doing the right thing in protecting her family but common sense would tell you that a seven year old is not mature enough to go through that alone.

I am just in shock.

[jrsygal37]

I'm a mom to two foreign born children. My oldest was perfect in every way. My younges son came to us at almost a year old. We were not told about his health issues, or that they suspected he was retarded. The first week we had Nick, we almost lost him. He was constantly sick for the first four years of his life. He didn't walk or talk until after three years of age. I knew something was wrong but we could not figure out what nor could the doctors. At four years old a pre-school teacher familiar with something called Asperger's came to me and said "I think your son is Autistic." When you think of Autism, you think of the worse case scenario, but there are different forms and Asperger's is one of them. At five years old after going to two specialty hospitals, and a whole bunch of specialists, Nick was officially diagnoed with Asperger's ( A mild form of Autism). Quite honestly, as I look at these years the first thought that came to mind was he was retarded. Not true. We were surprised to learn that Nick was functioning on a genius IQ level. I worked countless hours to teach him, basic things like how to make eye contact when he's talking, how to get out of the way of a car when it comes, how to know when someone is mean and how to respond back. Simple things that seem to come so easily for children were a struggle for Nick, yet give him high school math, science etc. and Nick could perform all of it at the age of five, yet could not tell you why he knew how to do it or how he got his answers. He just knew.

Nick is now, almost 14. He has no trace of Autism. He's got a black belt in Karate, a straight A student (Main Stream) in gifted classes. Is a starter on the school baseball team, as well as a starting catcher/2nd baseman on a championship travel baseball team. He competes all of the country with his team. Has many friends and is for the most part outgoing, but still carries just a slight shyness about him.

The point I'm trying to make is that many of these children come home with issues, but with patience and love and good food and medical care I've seen personally that these children can turn around.

It saddens me to see when an adopted parent sends their child back. After all, if you gave birth biologically what would you do with that child if he did not turn out as you expected? To me when you adopt you are taking that child as your own.

I could not read the story, but even without reading you would think that they would have at the least placed him with social services right here in the US rather then send him back to Russia. Anyone that has gone through a foreign adoption or has been to the countries to see how the children live know what his outcome will be. I know in the country I adopted from, once a child is fully adopted there is no turning back. If you change your mind that child is doomed. He'll live his entire life in an orphanage and in Russia, more then likely will be placed with mentally disturbed children. Most even prior to adoption are all placed together and this is why the children come home as they do. It's very very sad.

In ending I would just like to say that although I think it was a terrible thing for them to do, not tell us how sick Nick was or that they suspected him to be retarded. I am thankful for not knowing, because had I known it then things could have turned out much differently and maybe we would not have Nick now. And, that would be our loss because we could not ask for a better son. I've been blessed with two perfect boys in every way.

Elaine