I need advice in Locating my Father

[Micksbabyboo]

Okay so here is the deal, i am originally from Cuba, I arrived in the USA when i was 6 i am 23 now. My mother and my father separated when i was 6months young. Since then my father never cared for either me or my sister who was one at the time of the separation.

I grew up believing that my father had passed away according to my mom's idealism of giving me the best childhood possible and not mentioning anything about my father. When i was 16 years old i went to visit the family i had left behind in cuba, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews etc...Little did i know that i would have the biggest surprise of my life..We went to get some food at a local place in Havana and there was a lady who must of known me since i was a little tiny little thing, when she saw me she asked me "Did you see your father yet" AMAZED as i could be i turned to my aunt and said "Is he alive"?...Well YES he was alive..he lived 3 houses down from my families home. I was there all day and saw him walk by (i was too scared to look at him) we did not exchange words and had no eye contact but i knew that he knew who i was and i was very well aware.

There was talks then and speculations that he was leaving CUBA and coming to Florida. But i didn't follow up because it wasn't my interest at the time and it to be honest was not important to me UNTIL this morning.

Here i am waking up at 7:00 a.m and little did i know i would get an unexpected surprise from my sisters facebook update...It was something along the lines of ""I am shock...I just found out my father came to Florida".. SHOCKED IS RIGHT!!!! well it seems he came a while ago we just were not aware and as far as i know he has made no effort in looking for neither my sister or myself.

APART from all that i have decided i want to know where he is, if he is here and i want to be able to find him. I have grown up with an empty space all these years because he did not want to take the responsibility of racing me or my sister. However, i would really like to have his information for the day i work up the courage to contact him which to me seriously seems pretty soon. I am ready to know his side of the story as hurtful as it may be.

So i come to my YT friends for support and advice, i want to know what i should do. I tried contacting my mom to get details on him but she is resistant and does not want me to search for him. I am 23 now i want to know about my father as much as the next girl/boy would like to know about there half creator!(you know what i mean). All i have to go by is his name...no other detail as my mom does not want to share and i don't know any one else on his side, I don't even know my grandmother on his side.


Any little bit of advice or help would really be appreciated.

[mizzwanned]

Have you ever seen The Locator? Maybe you can contact them and see if they will help you. They have had some successful reunions on that show. I wish you all the best and hope you find him

[Wylie's Mom]

I don't know anything about locating people, but I just wanted to say how much I admire your courage...and I think the journey you're taking is quite incredible. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome - you're "ready to know his side of the story as hurtful as it may be." --> and that's a pretty incredible place to be in life.

What about aunts and uncles...can they help fill in some gaps?

[Yorkiedaze]

Since he's neve had any interest in you, even when he saw you in Cuba, I wouldn't look for him. Let him look for you when he's ready.

[Cha Cha]

I am of no help other than to encourage you to follow your heart, where ever that may take you. I have never been in your shoes, but I can completely (well as much as you have told me anyways) understand where you are coming from and wanting to put some answers to your past behind you and move forward. Sending hugs and well wishes in your journey.

[brendah]

I know how hard it can be (I have been searching for 14 years for my biological father) I search off and on. The best advice I can give you is have a open mind- you never know the outcome. Every time I think I am close then find out I am NOT, I always remember "when it is ment to be it will happen" I wish you the best of luck in finding your father. It can be a long and difficult task. "everything happnes for a reason" I found out by "accident" when I was 21 that my dad was not biological. I have had a lot of emotions with it. Just remember to stay strong.

[Patti]

I would try explaining again to your Mother how important it is for you to be able to locate your father should you want to in the future. If she will not help you you could try relatives in Cuba that may have information, a search service. I reunited with my birth son almost 3 years ago. I found out 8 years ago that the adoption agency had a current address for him and reached out in a letter and at that time he was not prepared to meet with us (my husband is is birth father) then about 3 years ago I got a call from the adoption agency and he had sent a letter and pictures to forward ot me with his address and phone number. He was 36 at the time. So you may very well one day want to know his story and you should have the right to do so. I hope you can convince your Mom to help you.

[mizzwanned]

I forgot to tell you this story-similar situation to yours. Me and my older brother have different biological fathers. While growing up we both thought we had the same father-which is this amazing man that helped my mom raise the 2 of us. I found out who my real dad was when i was 13 and always knew him, just didn't know he was my real dad but my brother didn't. My brother's real dad is a man my mom was dating for a while, and when she got pregnant he told her get an abortion and she didn't, so he disappeared. When she tried to find out info about him she was told he was killed. All this time she and my brother thought he was dead(my brother is 27 now). My mom always had this guilt that my brother never met his real dad and prayed about it-at least for some answers about him. God works in mysterious ways. A couple months ago when my mom was going to visit my brother upstate she ran into him(my bro's real dad). All this time she thought he was dead!! She called him by his name, in which he responded. She said he looked exactly like he did years ago-just older. Well upon hearing her name he denied it was him and said that he was really his younger son(he had a son already when he met my mom from a previous wife). How could a 70 yr old man lie and say he is really his 45 yr old son?? He said that she must be talking about his 'dad' and that his dad had died years ago. Well it was all a LIE!!! My mom had a feeling it was really my brother's dad but went along with him since he said he was the 'son', so she left him her number and said please call so at least my son can meet you. He never called. He never wanted to be in his life...if he would have he would have reached out. He has 2 other kids and are in their lives completely but never my brother's. My mom did her research and we found him on facebook, as well as pics of his son and daughter, and other sites as well. In fact he even owned restaurants with his wife-so she knew it was him she saw that day. My mom never even told my brother to not hurt his feelings but he can care less...as we both have an amazing dad that has always been there for us-even though he is not our biological father. I just hope that the outcome is good for you and that what you find is positive and isn't like what happened to my brother. Good luck!

[Cares4Dogs]

There is always two sides to every story. If your father even looked in your direction knowing who you were, he's curious about you!!! He may not know what you have been told or if you even want to know who he is and may be afraid of rejection.

I'd say GO FOR IT. You can google search his name and see what you come up with. You can also hire a private investigator who has easy access to lots of legal documents.

[Sunnie]

I just wanted to add, that you will need to be in a place where you can accept that he is what he is and nothing you can do will change the past or HIM for that matter. I pray that you are successful in finding him. Just try not to let whatever he is hurt you. Just accept him for what he is and go from there. I recently found 2 sons that my deceased brother had that we knew nothing about and they are in thier 20's now. One I have now met, the other, we talk on the phone and email each other.

[Micksbabyboo]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

Have you ever seen The Locator? Maybe you can contact them and see if they will help you. They have had some successful reunions on that show. I wish you all the best and hope you find him

Hey i apologize about not connecting sooner then today yesterday after work when i got home DH was on the computer working so i started calling family members and was able to get a little more detail on him. And i was able to speak to my cousin in Cuba who said he was going to get for me his DOB ALSO i know already he is living in MIAMI and has been there according to what i gathered from my family in cuba for about 2 years almost already!!!

[Micksbabyboo]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

I don't know anything about locating people, but I just wanted to say how much I admire your courage...and I think the journey you're taking is quite incredible. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome - you're "ready to know his side of the story as hurtful as it may be." --> and that's a pretty incredible place to be in life.

What about aunts and uncles...can they help fill in some gaps?

Thanks for your kind words . I think after 23 years of not knowing i am in a place where i can accept what ever his story is...my theory that i've created to be able to do this is i already know what he did to my mom..from that i gather that he isn't a "spectacular" person..so i already have him as a bit of a shallow person. What ever he would be willing to tell me will not make it a greater impact because i already know that when i was born he told my mother that if she did not abort me he would not take care of my sister. At this point i am aware that he does not feel anything towards me or my sister. BUT As i was explaining to one of my cousins yesterday its not about "mingling" with him its just about internal satisfaction do to knowing where my other roots are.

[Micksbabyboo]

Originally Posted by Cares4Dogs

There is always two sides to every story. If your father even looked in your direction knowing who you were, he's curious about you!!! He may not know what you have been told or if you even want to know who he is and may be afraid of rejection.

I'd say GO FOR IT. You can google search his name and see what you come up with. You can also hire a private investigator who has easy access to lots of legal documents.

Thank you so much for your comment! I feel so strongly about what you mentioned (two sides to every story) VERY TRUE!! I am ready to know his if he is willing to share Thanks so much.

PS: I goggled him and since now i know a bit more about where he is staying (Miami, FL) it should be a little bit easier for me, I also know he came from Cuba with all his family that would include a younger brother I've never met and also an older brother i met when i was little, according to my mom he used to play with us. We just didn't know who he was, at that time he was just a kid from the block.

[katy-yorkie]

I say Go For It! I did not meet up with my biological father until I was in my mid 30's. I knew where he lived and he could have known where I lived if he wanted. He had remarried, had two more children and six step-children. I had to make the first step to contact him and let him know I was interested in meeting him and being a part of his life. We had a couple of fun visits but within the next ten years he got sick and passed away. Time was not on our side. You will know with the first conversation/visit if he wants to have a relationship...he probably does.

[Micksbabyboo]

Originally Posted by katy-yorkie

I say Go For It! I did not meet up with my biological father until I was in my mid 30's. I knew where he lived and he could have known where I lived if he wanted. He had remarried, had two more children and six step-children. I had to make the first step to contact him and let him know I was interested in meeting him and being a part of his life. We had a couple of fun visits but within the next ten years he got sick and passed away. Time was not on our side. You will know with the first conversation/visit if he wants to have a relationship...he probably does.

Thank you Katy and sorry about your lost. Thank you for sharing your story. I will keep in mind what you mentioned, when i do locate according to what he tells me and how i hear him feel (if its over the phone or in person) is what i will pursue. If i feel that he is not interested then i will respect that 100%.