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07-26-2009, 04:00 AM | #1 |
YT Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: England
Posts: 490
| A bit of light humour An Irish farmer named Seamus had a car accident with a lorry . In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.. 'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor. Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the....' 'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?' Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....' The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.' By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'. Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' 'Now what would you have said? |
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07-26-2009, 04:03 AM | #2 |
YT Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: England
Posts: 490
| Man on the moon When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land." |
07-26-2009, 04:23 AM | #3 |
YT Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: England
Posts: 490
| Funeral Unusual Funeral Procession A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he Noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first One. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a Leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking Single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man Walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?' The man replied, 'My wife's.' 'What happened to her?' The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.' He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?' The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when The dog turned on her.' A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men. 'Can I borrow the dog?' The man replied, 'Get in line.' |
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