Have a question about adjusting to married life...

[Gracie2006]

I have lived entirely alone for the past 17 years or so. I'm used to having time to myself to veg etc. For those of you who are married, how do you arrange for alone time at home, or do you? Do you kick your hubby out for the evening or just wait until he has a reason to be gone to enjoy some alone time? My fiance is very understanding and knows that I will need time for myself after we get married, but how best to handle the request?

[TOY]

I married at 35; my husband was 38 and it was first marriages for both of us. Having "alone" time was something I, too, wondered about because I love to read, etc. Somehow it just worked out. We didn't "plan" for alone time but after the newness wears off, the time will come.

Now 22 years later we are both retired and home all day. Again, we don't plan for our alone time but having some different interests as well as those we have in common helps us achieve that "alone" time. Plus, I love my laptop while he still prefers his regular computer over his laptop.

All his "toys" are upstairs in the bonus room. All his music stuff (stereo and instruments) along with his computer stuff reside in the bonus room which is his alone. I generally don't even go up the stairs.

You adapt somewhat in addition as you settle into marriage. I have managed to interest him more in movies while I "tolerate" alot more of the news channels. It also helps that I have grown to love college sports (UT and SEC) while he has learned to enjoy and appreciate the TN Titans.

Over time I think you will probably begin to enjoy some of his interests and he, yours but the balance is in still maintaining your own interests, too.

I wouldn't worry too much about being together all the time. It may seem that way at first but it should begin to balance itself out after a few months.

[kdlmon]

Well, I met my husband when I was 19 so I never had the opportunity to live alone. But for several years my husband worked nights. So I had to adjust to his new schedule when he started working 9-5.

My solution is that I take a long bath at night whenever I get the chance! This gives me time to read or just chill. I also treat myself to a pedicure every couple of weeks. This gives me a chance to zone out and have some "quiet time."

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!

[Patti]

I have been with my husband for 39 years and we have always had different interests and we have different spaces in the house where we can have our alone time. Also I am retired so I have the house all to myself during the day. Congrats!

[Erin]

You may find that quiet time and vegging can be done together. Going out (even grocery shopping) wears me out and I need a lot of time at home to just chill. But it's fine if my husband is here, my "quiet" time is just being at home. We are lucky that we share a lot of the same interests so we can usually find something on TV that we can agree on. We have our Monday night, Thursday night, Friday night and Sunday night shows, so we always try to plan to watch those together. We don't have a big house (downstairs is just 1 big room LR/kitchen, upstairs 2 bedrooms) but I can always go take a bath or go upstairs and go be alone if I want to. Sometimes I will go out on the patio and read and if I turn off the TV to read he is really good about using his headphones, especially at night.

You'll figure it out. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you "kicking him out' if he gets to go hang out with his buddies or something. It would be better than you sitting back and silently hoping he leaves! It doesn't have to be mean - just tell him you are busy/tired/need to relax and he's on his own for dinner one night. Then eat ice cream for dinner and watch a movie! (I can't be the only one who sometimes just wants ice cream for dinner, right? )

Seriously though, you may just fall into a new routine you'll like just as much.

[Wylie's Mom]

Me and hubby got married in our late 30s - first marriages for both of us. And we've never made efforts to have alone time...I dunno...somehow it just all works out. Like, I'll be doing my thing and he'll be doing his in another room and it just all balances out. But, nothing wrong w/ planning your alone time too - like a Saturday afternoon for shopping or bookstore or whatever. I bet it'll come naturally once you two settle in.

[Lucia]

I just wanted to agree with what everyone else has said! It just sort of works itself out. My and my husband married very young (I was 17 and he was 16), and we had different interests and friends from the start so we often spent seperately with friends or alone....we never really discussed it, it just happened. Six years later out first child arrived, and 3 years after that our second. Since then we've been desperately trying to spend time together!!

Congrats on your upcoming marriage.....I wish you both a lifetime of happiness together xxx xxx

[rscaggs]

I was 18 when I married my husband. We had be together since I was 16 though. It was his 2nd marriage-yes, if you haven't figured it out, there is an age differnce here! LOL, anyway, I usually spend my time alone on the pc, reading a book on the couch, taking a hot bath, just little things. I think all married people need time alone sometimes. I have seen people who are married, spend all of there time together, and then complain that they have nothing to talk about! I told one gf tell him you know if we was to have time apart more and alone time more we would have stuff to talk about.