I need your help with something... - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Gracie2006 · 05-08-2009, 04:41 PM

This sounds like a "Dear Abby" post. How about, "Dear YT?" Maybe we need a forum for such things? Anyway, I have been dating this man that I met online. He is really sweet. We have a lot in common and seem to be a good match for one another. He got laid off last February. He is putting forth full effort to find work. He has indicated to me that he has financial resources to see him through another 6 months or so.

Here's the issue. Whenever we go out, he insists on paying my way. We don't always do things that cost money, but when we do, he insists on taking care of the bill. I have offered to help out, go Dutch, buy lunch etc. and he won't have anything to do with that. Tomorrow, he is taking me on a cruise and I'm sure we will go out to eat, and then there is parking, etc. Last weekend we went to the local Tulip festival. He paid my way for all of the admissions fees, the tractor trolley, lunch, he even bought me tulips and candy. He drove so gas was on him. It was such a romantic and fun day. It's just that in my mind, this money issue keeps getting in the way.

I understand he thinks if he asks me out, he should pay. I'm sure it's a macho, guy thing. He never expects anything in return. I want him to know I am willing to help out with paying for things when we go out. I also don't want to be a nag about it. I don't want the finances to get in the way of the really good thing that we have going. I think of the $50 here, $100 there in terms of groceries and gas, and of course rent. I've told him I feel guilty with him paying when I'm the one working.

So what do I do:

1. Shut up and let him pay? Just have him over for dinner every so often.
2. Continue to make occasional offers to help out with the tab?
3. Be more insistent about paying my way?

Thanks for your help!

chattiesmom · 05-08-2009, 04:49 PM

I have been married for 28 years this coming July and dated Ronald for 5 years prior to that, so I might not be the best person to answer the question.... but here goes anyway.

I would do a combination of keeping quiet and letting him pay and occasionally asking to "help" when it feels right to do so. Men have different emotional needs than women and it sounds like one of your man's needs is to be able to fiancially take care of his "woman". Don't do anything that will threaten him or that will hurt his pride.

jmdt · 05-08-2009, 04:57 PM

I agree

rtsmichele · 05-08-2009, 05:09 PM

I agree too!!!!!! It's a "masculine" thing to want to "take care" of your "feminine" partner. In the old days that was hunting and saving your loved ones from enemies and preditors. Now all that's left (mostly) for the masculine is to take care of them financially.

Just try to take care of him in feminine ways. Cook for him, praise him, let him know how much you feel "taken care of" when he takes you out. This is what men need more of!!

Congrats on finding such a great man!

Michele :-)

Grayson's mom · 05-08-2009, 05:17 PM

If he's sayin No then I would def have him over and cook him dinner. If it feels right then say I got the movies this time. I wouldn't push it though

Congrats on finding a good guy!

meladori · 05-08-2009, 05:51 PM

I agree with all of the ladies above! Men are proud and like to be able to take care of their woman. If it makes you uncomfortable to have him pay all the time I would def try to have him over for dinner more often instead of going out to eat.

mizzwanned · 05-09-2009, 05:53 AM

Invite him, and if he insists on paying say no he can't cause you invited him

Or do something that doesn't involve money, like invite him over and cook for him or something fun

Wylie's Mom · 05-09-2009, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

I have been married for 28 years this coming July and dated Ronald for 5 years prior to that, so I might not be the best person to answer the question.... but here goes anyway.

I would do a combination of keeping quiet and letting him pay and occasionally asking to "help" when it feels right to do so. Men have different emotional needs than women and it sounds like one of your man's needs is to be able to fiancially take care of his "woman". Don't do anything that will threaten him or that will hurt his pride.

Agree. It is important to him to be a gentleman and be chivalrous and I think that's just adorable and fabulous.

Like others have said, maybe invite him over for dinners/movie at your place once in a while...so then he can't pay...nice way to spoil him a little too.

Gracie2006 · 05-09-2009, 04:59 PM

Thank you all for your helpful advise. We had another splendid day together. And get this, he let me buy dinner!

celstu1 · 05-12-2009, 12:40 PM

I would continue to offer and invite him over for dinner once in awhile... but I wouldn't insist. He is a grown man and he must fully realize his financial situation.... so if he does what he does, then he must be able to do it... your job is to do what you can and enjoy what he does! He sounds like a super nice guy by the way!

phfgkl · 05-12-2009, 12:48 PM

Well, I've been married 32 years, so, times have changed. But, I would invite him for dinner at your house, this way he can have a home cooked meal, and it will be on you. I know men when I was growing up, were brought up to pay for everything, but, times have changed, and I have seen women paying for men, and vice versa. My sons and their g-friends, fiance, take turns paying, which is fine these days. He sounds like a very nice young gentleman, and I hope and pray that he is able to find work soon. good luck, sounds like he's a keeper

Gracie2006 · 05-12-2009, 03:28 PM

Thanks again. He is most definitely a "keeper".

erickajm · 05-13-2009, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracie2006

Thanks again. He is most definitely a "keeper".

You took the words right out of my mouth! He sounds like a definite keeper!

yoon714 · 05-13-2009, 08:58 PM

so sweet =). he sounds like a keeper. i also met my fiance online =D.. I think you should let him pay and you can make dinner also and get stuff he may need too. like ask him something he needs or if you notice he needs something you can buy it =). My fiance does not like me paying for stuff either when we go out but sometimes i will just grab the tab and pay or pay before he gets to it hehe lol. Just to let him know I can take charge sometimes too =)

Lexi Rae · 05-15-2009, 09:39 AM

yes yes yes!!!! let him pay by all means.... you can cook him dinner once in a while,but thats it.. once you put your hand in your pockets thats it.
he sounds like a great catch. does he have a brother??? lol
it feels so good when a man takes care of his woman. ive been putting my hands in my pockets for 20 years and i finally stopped a few months ago.
i learned my lesson. let the man be the man. i think once in a while you could pay for something, but dont go overboard .. you can even buy him something letting him know you appreciate it. something small . thats it
good luckk, you lucky girl

05-08-2009, 04:41 PM	#1
Gracie2006 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sequim, Wa Posts: 4,541	I need your help with something... This sounds like a "Dear Abby" post. How about, "Dear YT?" Maybe we need a forum for such things? Anyway, I have been dating this man that I met online. He is really sweet. We have a lot in common and seem to be a good match for one another. He got laid off last February. He is putting forth full effort to find work. He has indicated to me that he has financial resources to see him through another 6 months or so. Here's the issue. Whenever we go out, he insists on paying my way. We don't always do things that cost money, but when we do, he insists on taking care of the bill. I have offered to help out, go Dutch, buy lunch etc. and he won't have anything to do with that. Tomorrow, he is taking me on a cruise and I'm sure we will go out to eat, and then there is parking, etc. Last weekend we went to the local Tulip festival. He paid my way for all of the admissions fees, the tractor trolley, lunch, he even bought me tulips and candy. He drove so gas was on him. It was such a romantic and fun day. It's just that in my mind, this money issue keeps getting in the way. I understand he thinks if he asks me out, he should pay. I'm sure it's a macho, guy thing. He never expects anything in return. I want him to know I am willing to help out with paying for things when we go out. I also don't want to be a nag about it. I don't want the finances to get in the way of the really good thing that we have going. I think of the $50 here, $100 there in terms of groceries and gas, and of course rent. I've told him I feel guilty with him paying when I'm the one working. So what do I do: 1. Shut up and let him pay? Just have him over for dinner every so often. 2. Continue to make occasional offers to help out with the tab? 3. Be more insistent about paying my way? Thanks for your help! __________________ Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.

05-08-2009, 04:49 PM	#2
chattiesmom Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama Posts: 17,674	I have been married for 28 years this coming July and dated Ronald for 5 years prior to that, so I might not be the best person to answer the question.... but here goes anyway. I would do a combination of keeping quiet and letting him pay and occasionally asking to "help" when it feels right to do so. Men have different emotional needs than women and it sounds like one of your man's needs is to be able to fiancially take care of his "woman". Don't do anything that will threaten him or that will hurt his pride. __________________ Silk Step-In Harnesses www.foxypups.etsy.com

05-08-2009, 04:57 PM	#3
jmdt YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Long Island, NY USA Posts: 3,498	I agree __________________ Coco, Pebbles, Trixie, and Wally LOVE MY BABIES!!

05-08-2009, 05:17 PM	#5
Grayson's mom Mommy's Little Boo Boo Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Virgina Posts: 3,734	If he's sayin No then I would def have him over and cook him dinner. If it feels right then say I got the movies this time. I wouldn't push it though Congrats on finding a good guy! __________________ Proud mom to Grayson Abby Dusty Pepper Ryan Gabriel and of course me Diane Grayson loves Tia

05-08-2009, 05:51 PM	#6
meladori Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Brewerton, NY Posts: 399	I agree with all of the ladies above! Men are proud and like to be able to take care of their woman. If it makes you uncomfortable to have him pay all the time I would def try to have him over for dinner more often instead of going out to eat. __________________ Melissa & Roxy

05-08-2009, 05:09 PM	#4
rtsmichele YT Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada Posts: 289	I agree too!!!!!! It's a "masculine" thing to want to "take care" of your "feminine" partner. In the old days that was hunting and saving your loved ones from enemies and preditors. Now all that's left (mostly) for the masculine is to take care of them financially. Just try to take care of him in feminine ways. Cook for him, praise him, let him know how much you feel "taken care of" when he takes you out. This is what men need more of!! Congrats on finding such a great man! Michele :-)

05-09-2009, 05:53 AM	#7
mizzwanned Donating YT 11K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: new york Posts: 14,007 Blog Entries: 2	Invite him, and if he insists on paying say no he can't cause you invited him Or do something that doesn't involve money, like invite him over and cook for him or something fun __________________ Primrose, Teddy..RIP, Livie..RIP, And can never forget my duo Sophie and London, Run in Peace <3

05-09-2009, 04:59 PM	#9
Gracie2006 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sequim, Wa Posts: 4,541	Thank you everyone... Thank you all for your helpful advise. We had another splendid day together. And get this, he let me buy dinner! __________________ Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.

05-12-2009, 12:40 PM	#10
celstu1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 10,534	I would continue to offer and invite him over for dinner once in awhile... but I wouldn't insist. He is a grown man and he must fully realize his financial situation.... so if he does what he does, then he must be able to do it... your job is to do what you can and enjoy what he does! He sounds like a super nice guy by the way! __________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz

05-12-2009, 12:48 PM	#11
phfgkl BANNED! Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: South Carolina Posts: 2,376	Well, I've been married 32 years, so, times have changed. But, I would invite him for dinner at your house, this way he can have a home cooked meal, and it will be on you. I know men when I was growing up, were brought up to pay for everything, but, times have changed, and I have seen women paying for men, and vice versa. My sons and their g-friends, fiance, take turns paying, which is fine these days. He sounds like a very nice young gentleman, and I hope and pray that he is able to find work soon. good luck, sounds like he's a keeper

05-12-2009, 03:28 PM	#12
Gracie2006 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sequim, Wa Posts: 4,541	Thanks again. He is most definitely a "keeper". __________________ Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.

05-13-2009, 08:58 PM	#14
yoon714 ♥ Snuggle Bunny ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: NJ Posts: 823	so sweet =). he sounds like a keeper. i also met my fiance online =D.. I think you should let him pay and you can make dinner also and get stuff he may need too. like ask him something he needs or if you notice he needs something you can buy it =). My fiance does not like me paying for stuff either when we go out but sometimes i will just grab the tab and pay or pay before he gets to it hehe lol. Just to let him know I can take charge sometimes too =) __________________ Mimi bunny

05-15-2009, 09:39 AM	#15
Lexi Rae Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY Posts: 10,455	yes yes yes!!!! let him pay by all means.... you can cook him dinner once in a while,but thats it.. once you put your hand in your pockets thats it. he sounds like a great catch. does he have a brother??? lol it feels so good when a man takes care of his woman. ive been putting my hands in my pockets for 20 years and i finally stopped a few months ago. i learned my lesson. let the man be the man. i think once in a while you could pay for something, but dont go overboard .. you can even buy him something letting him know you appreciate it. something small . thats it good luckk, you lucky girl __________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ...