Teenagers... - YorkieTalk.com Forums

jrsygal37 · 05-01-2009, 06:44 AM

I have a 15 yr. old boy (my first) and I am at my wits end. We are good parents. At all his highschool baseball games, bringing him his stuff every day at 1:30 for practice or games and we always make sure he has plenty of gatorade to drink. I work 30 hours a week (part time) just to have the cash for he and his 13 yr. old brother (who also plays baseball) for their equiptment, tounament fees, and travel etc.) I work so they have and I am just disgusted. There are parents that don't show up for games and kids who have NOTHING to drink at games because their parents could care less. And, yet my son talks to me like I'm a piece of crap.

Last night, his mouth was going over a simple "Can I see the jersey you got today" (I ordered name and number tee shirts for him and bb shorts etc) and he got very nasty with me and said "See it tomorrow." I finally got fed up with it all and said "No I said I want to see it now. I paid for it and I want to see it." This escalated into a big fight with him and I and his mouth etc. I grabbed him by the shirt and told him to just go to his room and keep his mouth shut. Of course he didn't keep his mouth shut. I got the "You are f... crazy. Or what the hell is your problem." I ended up with giving him a slap in the mouth (believe me a tap.) and then he gave me the "Why do you abuse me crap." I NEVER hit my kids and the little guy (my 13 yr. old is an angel). I was so mad I told him get out. Of couse he didn't and of course I wouldn't have let him leave.

However, this morning my husband was up with him before school (I'm very sick with accute bronchitis) and my husband told him he was wrong and he gave him the "mom slapped me" and then proceeded to say he's not coming home. I do not know what is wrong with men. I really don't. They do not know how to take charge or handle anything. REALLY!! He told him "Well if that's the way you feel that's your decision." Where I would have told him you had better have your butt home right after school. Last night, I took away his computer and his phone. Today, (before I got to work) I'm picking him up at 1:30 and telling him he's not going out, not on the computer and no phone.

I'm so upset over all this. More so with my husband who is a retired police officer and has no control over his son. I work from 4-10 and come home and have to hear bs from him and from my husband about all the crap (They constantly argue) and I've just had it.

We brought our son home from Guatemala when he was 8 months. Had guns pointed at us and left $50,000 in the hole to give him a good life and us the family we wanted. Both our boys were adopted and my youngest is an angel. Gives us no trouble but this guy I really do not know what to do with anymore. It's only us. He gets in no trouble at school, plays sports but has this I'm better then you attitude with us and talks down to me constantly.

I hate to vent online but is there anyone else that has teenagers and is this normal behavior. He's our oldest and I have nothing to compare it to.

Elaine

bchgirl · 05-01-2009, 07:12 AM

I thought boys were easier than girls...I have a 16 yr old daughter who can be pretty mouthy and we argue. Fortunately she doesn't cuss me...and that's in her best interest.
I think they push the limits at this age...and some kids are worse than others.

One friend's daughter used to threaten to report her to CPS...finally during one argument...her mother told her...perhaps YOU don't understand how this works. I don't get removed from this house, you do and handed her the phone. That was the last time she was "threatened" with that.

Btw I never talked to my parents like I hear kids speak to their these days...now mine didn't beat us, but we were to afraid to speak them disrespectfully. Sometimes, I'd like some of that fear of God...my parents seemed to have.

Sorry it's so difficult, Elaine...I wanted a baby not a teenager.

Bianca · 05-01-2009, 07:13 AM

I have 3 boys and my oldest is 17 and is nasty and there are times I want to slam him , but I don't.
Trust me I know EXACTLY what you are going through , but you can't put your hands on him, ever.
All it does is reinforce negativity and violence, I realize it was a tap, but you still put your hands on him/
When I was growing up if I ever said that to my mom or dad I would have flew across the room

and back then it was accepted, but not today.
Your doing the right thing by taking all away from him and he needs to realize respect is earned and you deserve it all the time, just not when he feels like giving it.
I mean he doesn't sound like a bad kid, they just go through this faze and during it you wanna kill them or just run for the hills

believe me I know.
You sound like a great mom and just let him know what will be tolerated and what will not.
Good Luck

Josie's Mom · 05-01-2009, 07:21 AM

Hi Elaine

Don't worry, I have one just like that (he's also fifteen). I have a set of twins that will be 13 in June and they are a walk in the park next to him. I keep telling myself that it's the age, & by the sounds of yours I think it is. Mine plays sports too and I'm there for all of the games. I just wish he would see what I have to go through to be there.

I do everything thing I can to try to talk to him, but we end up yelling at each other. We have good days, but it's those bad one's that really get me.

Just know that I'm also a member of the "Yucky-Teenager Club". Sending best-wishes and hoping that this will all pass soon. *sigh*

RebelBelle · 05-01-2009, 07:21 AM

First of all let me say that it sounds like you are a great mom! You definitely do not deserve the way he's speaking to you.

I personally don't have any skin kids yet, but I am helping to raise my 15 year old cousin Jenn. If she had spoken to me the way your son spoke to you, then when I said get out, I would have meant it. Sometimes they'll call your bluff and leave, but chances are once he realized you were serious, things would definitely improved.

When I was younger I told my mom I was gonna runaway. She said "Good luck, but don't take anything that I bought with you." In my anger, I went to pack my bags and quickly realized that all I could take with me was a CD, 2 outfits that my granparents had bought me for Christmas, and several pairs of earrings that I'd gotten from friends for my birthday. I didn't even have anything to pack in because she bought the suitcases and my duffel bag. Needless to say, it was a wakeup call and I went back to her and apologized.

My cousin Kenny (my mom raised him) threatened to run away and she said the same thing she told me. Unfortunately he left and took off down the street. Sadly when he called her bluff, she chased after him. From then on, he always knew that he had her in his pocket and has sinced treated her very similarly to how your son is treating you. I think if she had let him keep going, he would have realized that he was hungry, cold, and didn't have anything, and he would have come home and been a good bit more appreciative of what he did have.

RebelBelle · 05-01-2009, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bchgirl

Fortunately she doesn't cuss me...and that's in her best interest.

LOL! She may still be mouthy but it sounds like you may still have that "fear of god" thing going for you!

bchgirl · 05-01-2009, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RebelBelle

LOL! She may still be mouthy but it sounds like you may still have that "fear of god" thing going for you!

I can throw a BIGGER fit than she can.

I'll tell you what drives me insane...her need to have the last word or even the last SOUND.

RebelBelle · 05-01-2009, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bchgirl

I can throw a BIGGER fit than she can.

I'll tell you what drives me insane...her need to have the last word or even the last SOUND.

Jenn tells my mom that the reason does something when I tell her to is because it is so much easier than listening to me harp on it forever. My mom has parented so many kids that she's just worn down. She'll tell Jenn to do something and then forget all about it.

Yeah... the huff and the eyerolling gets on my nerves too. This

is Jenn when I tell her to clean her room.

ARCHIE · 05-01-2009, 07:38 AM

I feel for you Elaine. Stand firm on what you say. That's key.
Once he knows you cave in he'll have you by the

You sound like a great mother and it's usually the Mom's who
get the bunt of things. Dosen't matter how much you do for
your kids. I hate to say it's the age but I do believe it is.
Stand firm, hold your grounds and rules. It's your house
and it's your terms. If he doesn't come around I would
go as a family and talk to someone. Perhaps he is holding
something in and dosen't know how to deal with it properly
and it's making him misreble. Don't take it personally. I know that's
hard because I raised three and it was not all fun and roses.
Kids had mouth's back then too

bchgirl · 05-01-2009, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RebelBelle

Jenn tells my mom that the reason does something when I tell her to is because it is so much easier than listening to me harp on it forever. My mom has parented so many kids that she's just worn down. She'll tell Jenn to do something and then forget all about it.

Yeah... the huff and the eyerolling gets on my nerves too. This

is Jenn when I tell her to clean her room.

I can hear the heavy sigh that accompanies that...

jrsygal37 · 05-01-2009, 08:12 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm just so frustrated with everything. There is such a strain on my marriage for the past few years and this just adds more to it. Honestly, if I were financially able I would file for divorce and take the boys myself. Having him and the two boys is like having three children. He's fine with the little one but constantly fights with the older one and just does not know how to take charge and punish him when he's mouthy. Instead, he fights back with him and tells him things like "Just get away from me and don't talk." Instead of taking the stuff away and sticking to it. He just lets it go so he don't have to fight with him, then when I get home at 10pm I get it from both of them about he did this and he did that. As we speak I have guys in my back yard installing a new pool so THEY have a good summer while I work my butt off. I'm just so disgusted with it all. Thanks again for your replies. I wish sometimes there was a crystal ball to look into to see what the future would bring. I would have never gotten married and never had kids. I would have stayed just with my dogs. Elaine

C101Yorkie · 05-02-2009, 05:31 AM

I'd like to add something.

Coming from the teen's point-of-view. I'm 16 and I've never run away or anything, but like any other teen I've fought with my mom. Yelling back and forth, but not touching each other. Eventually I couldn't take it when she would just stop talking to me and ignoring me. After about 5 minutes I'd apologize.

With him, though, I'd pack some bags for him and take them when you go to pick him up. Tell him his stuff's all packed and ready for him to go.

If it were me, I'd freak out!! lol

hviola · 05-02-2009, 05:45 AM

It sounds like you are very resentful towards your son for not appreciating the things you buy or do for him. If I were in your shoes, and I know this sounds harsh, but maybe tell him to find his own part time job to pay for all his things. I would tell him exactly how I feel, then quit providing. The only way people really realize what they have is when they lose it, even if it is temporary.

You really shouldn't be working your butt off and sacrificing so much just to be treated like crap. I guess in my opinion, if someone is taking advantage of me or using me, they have another thing coming.

linda44 · 05-02-2009, 05:58 AM

hey been there, done that. Dont give up and stick to your guns. Ive said a million times 10 toddlers are easier than 1 teenager. Its when you let them run free and dont question their behavior and whereabouts is when they get into real trouble. I thought my son for sure would turn out a drunk, and a bum the way he was headed, but guess what? Hes going to be 35 this year, has a beautiful wife and four boys! Hes turned out to be the best husband a father. Hang in there, all your hard work and love will pay off. I think boys take longer to mature than girls personally.

jeanm1963 · 05-02-2009, 06:27 AM

sounds like a typical teenager I would not take it personally , he is just testing his grounds, my daugther threatened to run away , I said you dont have to run, WALK ... BUT leave every single thing you have in this house because I bought it and its all mine!! She didnt seem to like that at all, she just huffed and stomped up the stairs.... I just think they all go through this hormonal , they think they run the show behavior...

05-01-2009, 06:44 AM	#1
jrsygal37 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Jersey Shore Posts: 3,370	Teenagers... I have a 15 yr. old boy (my first) and I am at my wits end. We are good parents. At all his highschool baseball games, bringing him his stuff every day at 1:30 for practice or games and we always make sure he has plenty of gatorade to drink. I work 30 hours a week (part time) just to have the cash for he and his 13 yr. old brother (who also plays baseball) for their equiptment, tounament fees, and travel etc.) I work so they have and I am just disgusted. There are parents that don't show up for games and kids who have NOTHING to drink at games because their parents could care less. And, yet my son talks to me like I'm a piece of crap. Last night, his mouth was going over a simple "Can I see the jersey you got today" (I ordered name and number tee shirts for him and bb shorts etc) and he got very nasty with me and said "See it tomorrow." I finally got fed up with it all and said "No I said I want to see it now. I paid for it and I want to see it." This escalated into a big fight with him and I and his mouth etc. I grabbed him by the shirt and told him to just go to his room and keep his mouth shut. Of course he didn't keep his mouth shut. I got the "You are f... crazy. Or what the hell is your problem." I ended up with giving him a slap in the mouth (believe me a tap.) and then he gave me the "Why do you abuse me crap." I NEVER hit my kids and the little guy (my 13 yr. old is an angel). I was so mad I told him get out. Of couse he didn't and of course I wouldn't have let him leave. However, this morning my husband was up with him before school (I'm very sick with accute bronchitis) and my husband told him he was wrong and he gave him the "mom slapped me" and then proceeded to say he's not coming home. I do not know what is wrong with men. I really don't. They do not know how to take charge or handle anything. REALLY!! He told him "Well if that's the way you feel that's your decision." Where I would have told him you had better have your butt home right after school. Last night, I took away his computer and his phone. Today, (before I got to work) I'm picking him up at 1:30 and telling him he's not going out, not on the computer and no phone. I'm so upset over all this. More so with my husband who is a retired police officer and has no control over his son. I work from 4-10 and come home and have to hear bs from him and from my husband about all the crap (They constantly argue) and I've just had it. We brought our son home from Guatemala when he was 8 months. Had guns pointed at us and left $50,000 in the hole to give him a good life and us the family we wanted. Both our boys were adopted and my youngest is an angel. Gives us no trouble but this guy I really do not know what to do with anymore. It's only us. He gets in no trouble at school, plays sports but has this I'm better then you attitude with us and talks down to me constantly. I hate to vent online but is there anyone else that has teenagers and is this normal behavior. He's our oldest and I have nothing to compare it to. Elaine Last edited by jrsygal37; 05-01-2009 at 06:46 AM.

05-01-2009, 07:12 AM	#2
bchgirl Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: at da beach Posts: 15,444 Blog Entries: 2	I thought boys were easier than girls...I have a 16 yr old daughter who can be pretty mouthy and we argue. Fortunately she doesn't cuss me...and that's in her best interest. I think they push the limits at this age...and some kids are worse than others. One friend's daughter used to threaten to report her to CPS...finally during one argument...her mother told her...perhaps YOU don't understand how this works. I don't get removed from this house, you do and handed her the phone. That was the last time she was "threatened" with that. Btw I never talked to my parents like I hear kids speak to their these days...now mine didn't beat us, but we were to afraid to speak them disrespectfully. Sometimes, I'd like some of that fear of God...my parents seemed to have. Sorry it's so difficult, Elaine...I wanted a baby not a teenager. __________________ Deb, Reese, Reggie, Frazier, Libby, Sidney, & Bodie Trace & Ramsey who watch over us www.biewersbythebay.com Last edited by bchgirl; 05-01-2009 at 07:13 AM.

05-01-2009, 07:21 AM	#4
Josie's Mom Jojo's & Junior's too! Donating YT Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Watsonville, CA Posts: 1,379	Hi Elaine Don't worry, I have one just like that (he's also fifteen). I have a set of twins that will be 13 in June and they are a walk in the park next to him. I keep telling myself that it's the age, & by the sounds of yours I think it is. Mine plays sports too and I'm there for all of the games. I just wish he would see what I have to go through to be there. I do everything thing I can to try to talk to him, but we end up yelling at each other. We have good days, but it's those bad one's that really get me. Just know that I'm also a member of the "Yucky-Teenager Club". Sending best-wishes and hoping that this will all pass soon. sigh __________________ Josie, Jojo, Junior & Veronica ...No Home is Complete Without a Yorkie...or Two...better make that 3!..

05-01-2009, 07:21 AM	#5
RebelBelle Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Madison, MS Posts: 2,597	First of all let me say that it sounds like you are a great mom! You definitely do not deserve the way he's speaking to you. I personally don't have any skin kids yet, but I am helping to raise my 15 year old cousin Jenn. If she had spoken to me the way your son spoke to you, then when I said get out, I would have meant it. Sometimes they'll call your bluff and leave, but chances are once he realized you were serious, things would definitely improved. When I was younger I told my mom I was gonna runaway. She said "Good luck, but don't take anything that I bought with you." In my anger, I went to pack my bags and quickly realized that all I could take with me was a CD, 2 outfits that my granparents had bought me for Christmas, and several pairs of earrings that I'd gotten from friends for my birthday. I didn't even have anything to pack in because she bought the suitcases and my duffel bag. Needless to say, it was a wakeup call and I went back to her and apologized. My cousin Kenny (my mom raised him) threatened to run away and she said the same thing she told me. Unfortunately he left and took off down the street. Sadly when he called her bluff, she chased after him. From then on, he always knew that he had her in his pocket and has sinced treated her very similarly to how your son is treating you. I think if she had let him keep going, he would have realized that he was hungry, cold, and didn't have anything, and he would have come home and been a good bit more appreciative of what he did have. __________________ Misty & Jamie

05-02-2009, 05:31 AM	#12
C101Yorkie ♥Sapphire♥ Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: PA, USA Posts: 4,069	I'd like to add something. Coming from the teen's point-of-view. I'm 16 and I've never run away or anything, but like any other teen I've fought with my mom. Yelling back and forth, but not touching each other. Eventually I couldn't take it when she would just stop talking to me and ignoring me. After about 5 minutes I'd apologize. With him, though, I'd pack some bags for him and take them when you go to pick him up. Tell him his stuff's all packed and ready for him to go. If it were me, I'd freak out!! lol __________________ Courtney Sapphire

05-01-2009, 07:13 AM	#3
Bianca No Longer a Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: New York Posts: 761	I have 3 boys and my oldest is 17 and is nasty and there are times I want to slam him , but I don't. Trust me I know EXACTLY what you are going through , but you can't put your hands on him, ever. All it does is reinforce negativity and violence, I realize it was a tap, but you still put your hands on him/ When I was growing up if I ever said that to my mom or dad I would have flew across the room and back then it was accepted, but not today. Your doing the right thing by taking all away from him and he needs to realize respect is earned and you deserve it all the time, just not when he feels like giving it. I mean he doesn't sound like a bad kid, they just go through this faze and during it you wanna kill them or just run for the hills believe me I know. You sound like a great mom and just let him know what will be tolerated and what will not. Good Luck

05-01-2009, 07:38 AM	#9
ARCHIE No Longer A Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW YORK Posts: 16,218	I feel for you Elaine. Stand firm on what you say. That's key. Once he knows you cave in he'll have you by the You sound like a great mother and it's usually the Mom's who get the bunt of things. Dosen't matter how much you do for your kids. I hate to say it's the age but I do believe it is. Stand firm, hold your grounds and rules. It's your house and it's your terms. If he doesn't come around I would go as a family and talk to someone. Perhaps he is holding something in and dosen't know how to deal with it properly and it's making him misreble. Don't take it personally. I know that's hard because I raised three and it was not all fun and roses. Kids had mouth's back then too

05-01-2009, 08:12 AM	#11
jrsygal37 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Jersey Shore Posts: 3,370	Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm just so frustrated with everything. There is such a strain on my marriage for the past few years and this just adds more to it. Honestly, if I were financially able I would file for divorce and take the boys myself. Having him and the two boys is like having three children. He's fine with the little one but constantly fights with the older one and just does not know how to take charge and punish him when he's mouthy. Instead, he fights back with him and tells him things like "Just get away from me and don't talk." Instead of taking the stuff away and sticking to it. He just lets it go so he don't have to fight with him, then when I get home at 10pm I get it from both of them about he did this and he did that. As we speak I have guys in my back yard installing a new pool so THEY have a good summer while I work my butt off. I'm just so disgusted with it all. Thanks again for your replies. I wish sometimes there was a crystal ball to look into to see what the future would bring. I would have never gotten married and never had kids. I would have stayed just with my dogs. Elaine

05-02-2009, 05:45 AM	#13
hviola YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Casey, IL Posts: 1,175	It sounds like you are very resentful towards your son for not appreciating the things you buy or do for him. If I were in your shoes, and I know this sounds harsh, but maybe tell him to find his own part time job to pay for all his things. I would tell him exactly how I feel, then quit providing. The only way people really realize what they have is when they lose it, even if it is temporary. You really shouldn't be working your butt off and sacrificing so much just to be treated like crap. I guess in my opinion, if someone is taking advantage of me or using me, they have another thing coming. __________________ Heather, mommy to Drake (7 yr old son), Triss (yorkie), spike (dachshund), ash and misty (my cats), and a baby on the way due Oct 1st!

05-02-2009, 05:58 AM	#14
linda44 Luv my 7 Furkids Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: napa Posts: 9,655 Blog Entries: 4	hey been there, done that. Dont give up and stick to your guns. Ive said a million times 10 toddlers are easier than 1 teenager. Its when you let them run free and dont question their behavior and whereabouts is when they get into real trouble. I thought my son for sure would turn out a drunk, and a bum the way he was headed, but guess what? Hes going to be 35 this year, has a beautiful wife and four boys! Hes turned out to be the best husband a father. Hang in there, all your hard work and love will pay off. I think boys take longer to mature than girls personally. __________________ Linda, & furbutts http://www.sketchesbybarney.com

05-02-2009, 06:27 AM	#15
jeanm1963 Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Weymouth, Ma Posts: 2,584	sounds like a typical teenager I would not take it personally , he is just testing his grounds, my daugther threatened to run away , I said you dont have to run, WALK ... BUT leave every single thing you have in this house because I bought it and its all mine!! She didnt seem to like that at all, she just huffed and stomped up the stairs.... I just think they all go through this hormonal , they think they run the show behavior...