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Old 08-08-2008, 10:40 PM   #1
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Default What would you do?

Here are a few different scenarios. What would you do?

You discover the husband (or wife) of a very good friend is cheating. Not a maybe sort of finding out, but a definite knowing. Would you tell your friend?

If your mate was cheating on you would you want someone to tell you or would you rather they just keep quiet?

If your friend knew about your mate cheating on you and didn't tell you, would you be angry with the friend for not telling you?
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Old 08-09-2008, 04:27 AM   #2
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Rose cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by sammiz View Post
Here are a few different scenarios. What would you do?

You discover the husband (or wife) of a very good friend is cheating. Not a maybe sort of finding out, but a definite knowing. Would you tell your friend?

If your mate was cheating on you would you want someone to tell you or would you rather they just keep quiet?

If your friend knew about your mate cheating on you and didn't tell you, would you be angry with the friend for not telling you?
Well, this is a tough one. I, personally, would want to be told, but not everyone feels that way. You know the cheater is going to deny it and your friend might believe him/her over you and you would lose the friend. If you have real proof and can give it to your friend, I would do it. Having had a husband that cheated, I speak from experience and I would want to know. (I caught him myself and no one had to tell me.) Yes, I would be angry with a friend that knew for sure my spouse was cheating and didn't tell me.
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Old 08-09-2008, 04:50 AM   #3
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I would want to know and I would want a friend to tell me, that's me personally.
If a friend's spouse was cheating, I think it depends on your friendship. I know I have had discussions with my friends on subjects like this and my friends have made their feelings known. If someone said to me, "I don't want to know" then I wouldn't, but if they wanted to know, I would for sure!
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Old 08-09-2008, 04:58 AM   #4
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I'd want to be told. I don't feel cheating is the biggest crime in a marriage....there's too many marriages full of abuse and violence -

but ya....I would say I'd want to know.....

if it were a good friend - meaning a really GOOD friend - I'd say something. That's what friends do for each other....even if it's something they don't want to hear -

On the other hand.... if I were friends with BOTH the husband and the wife - I'd maybe talk to the husband first privately and just say "if I know - then others will find out" and let it go from there.
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Old 08-09-2008, 05:27 AM   #5
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Wow, some of the most sickening scenarios...the kind that makes your stomach churn. I'd want to know. As hard as it would be, I would probably tell my friend. Living a lie sucks. However, reality can sometimes be much harder. Such actions call for HUGE decisions and change relationships forever. In rare cases for the better. Oh boy, since you are asking you must have a huge weight on your shoulders. I feel for you and the one you are speaking of. Truly.
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Old 08-09-2008, 05:59 AM   #6
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In very good, genuine friendships - YES, I'd absolutely want and expect to be told - and would do the same for a friend. If there cannot be honesty and disclosure and support between close friends, then gosh, what is a real, close, honest friendship anyway? That's just my opinion. But, my deep, female friendships have always been just that - deep, honest, supportive - where disclosure such as that would be safe and expected and natural. Not disclosing something as devastating as that would be, to my mind, dishonest to the friendship - and I'd wonder what else the friend was hiding and that wouldn't feel right to me.
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Old 08-09-2008, 06:05 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sammiz View Post
Here are a few different scenarios. What would you do?

You discover the husband (or wife) of a very good friend is cheating. Not a maybe sort of finding out, but a definite knowing. Would you tell your friend?

This one depends on the friendship, some want plausible deniability, others complete honesty.

If your mate was cheating on you would you want someone to tell you or would you rather they just keep quiet?

I would want complete honesty, yeah it's gonna hurt but let's get it over with.

If your friend knew about your mate cheating on you and didn't tell you, would you be angry with the friend for not telling you?

No, it's a difficult enough thing to tell someone they have a booger in the nose, let alone your spouse is cheating.
I hope this doesn't mean you are in a bad situation...but good luck just in case.
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Old 08-09-2008, 06:14 AM   #8
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I would want to know. If my best friend told me something like that, I would be grateful to her. It means she is looking out for me and cares about my well being.

This same best friend of mine had this happen to her. Her fiance started going out at night by himself. Well, me and her were at a bar one night hanging out. This girl came up to us, started crying, and confessed she was seeing her fiance. I guess he was dumping her, so she wanted to come clean. My best friend already had suspicions, and this confirmed it. Later, she talked to him (he was drunk) and he also confessed.

She seemed very grateful SOMEONE told her what was going on, so she could move on. She left him the next morning and her and her daughter lived with me for 3 months until she could get on her feet. She seems so much happier now.
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:16 AM   #9
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I think if I found out a friend's husband was cheating I would tell the husband I knew and tell him he had one chance to confess or I would tell my friend, and then I would follow through. That is a really hard situation though.
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:55 AM   #10
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Icon2 Well .... here are my 2 cents .....

You discover the husband (or wife) of a very good friend is cheating. Not a maybe sort of finding out, but a definite knowing. Would you tell your friend?

Yes, I would tell her .....


If your mate was cheating on you would you want someone to tell you or would you rather they just keep quiet?

Yes, I would want to know .....


If your friend knew about your mate cheating on you and didn't tell you, would you be angry with the friend for not telling you?

Yes, I would be angry .....


May I ask why your asking this ????
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Old 08-09-2008, 07:00 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayas Mommy View Post
You discover the husband (or wife) of a very good friend is cheating. Not a maybe sort of finding out, but a definite knowing. Would you tell your friend?

Yes, I would tell her .....


If your mate was cheating on you would you want someone to tell you or would you rather they just keep quiet?

Yes, I would want to know .....

If your friend knew about your mate cheating on you and didn't tell you, would you be angry with the friend for not telling you?

Yes, I would be angry .....


May I ask why your asking this ????
Yes. You may ask.

It hasn't anything to do with me. A friend and I discussed this and she is one who would not want to be told. I am opposite. I am a realist and would expect that someone who genuinely cares for my well being (a good friend) would tell me. Not in a gossipy way, but simply because of their caring for me.

I guess I was sort of shocked when she said this because it is so far removed from how I would feel. Then I just got to wondering about it and so I thought I would ask you all.

Soooo...it was one of those 'just wondering' things. Thank you all for replying.

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Old 08-10-2008, 07:57 AM   #12
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I would want to know if it was my husband, but it would depend on who the friend was if I would tell. Most of the time I prefer to mind my own business. I think it would be awful to tell someone and watch their marriage crumble. Or, if the couple managed to stay together, they might not want me around anymore. I'd be there for support if one of my friends came to me and wanted to talk about her husband cheating, but I wouldn't want them to find out from me. For those same reasons, I would not get angry if I found out one of my friends knew and didn't tell me that my husband was cheating.
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Old 08-10-2008, 08:43 AM   #13
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I would definitely tell my friend. I would feel awful if she got AIDS or a sexually transmitted disease and it got worse because I did not tell. I would be sorry if the friendship ended, but at least I was looking out for her best interests.

I would definitely want to know.
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Old 08-10-2008, 08:53 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by red98vett View Post
I'd want to be told. I don't feel cheating is the biggest crime in a marriage....there's too many marriages full of abuse and violence -

but ya....I would say I'd want to know.....

if it were a good friend - meaning a really GOOD friend - I'd say something. That's what friends do for each other....even if it's something they don't want to hear -

On the other hand.... if I were friends with BOTH the husband and the wife - I'd maybe talk to the husband first privately and just say "if I know - then others will find out" and let it go from there.
Tough questions but I agree with Villette 100%.
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Old 08-10-2008, 01:36 PM   #15
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Here are my thoughts....

You discover the husband (or wife) of a very good friend is cheating. Not a maybe sort of finding out, but a definite knowing. Would you tell your friend? - YES. This actually happened to my best friend and I DID tell her. Her husband treats her and her kids like CRAP and I didn't dare hold back. I as well as everyone in her family wants her out of this relationship. I know it's not our place...but if you ONLY KNEW what this "husband" of hers has done to her. It honestly isn't safe (both mentally, and physically) that she stays.

If your mate was cheating on you would you want someone to tell you or would you rather they just keep quiet? - This one is pretty simple for me. Absolutely 100% yes.

If your friend knew about your mate cheating on you and didn't tell you, would you be angry with the friend for not telling you? - Again, absolutely. Especially if it was a really close friend. I know I would tell my friend, and I would expect the same from them. This is something very serious and I would NEVER want to be kept in the dark about it.
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