Divorce of friends

[lilfoot]

I just found out that divorce is eminent for my best friends....its been rocky for awhile between them and my friend Sheila I am afraid is to be blamed 90%

He husband left her for a couple of weeks last year and threatened her with divorce but she said things were going to change but unfortunately she did not hold up to her end and now he left again about a month ago and told her on Tuesday that the marriage is over and there will be no reconciling....I feel terrible because they have two kids the same age of mine who are good friends in fact her son and my daughter were born on the same day same hospital we were right across the hall from one another..pretty cool for best friends..(she was 2 weeks over due.) And her husband (Rod) is leaving for Iraq in January....

My real problem is what do I say to her now.....she calls me for advice (we live in seperate towns...about an hour and half away) but she doesn't listen to my advice or really wants it..she wants me to stick up for her. I really feel sorry for her kids because they are hurting but she doesn't handle it well...its all about her and how her life is ruined...I keep telling her she HAS to be there for her kids that she is a MOTHER first and a WIFE second but she said she is to devastated to deal with anything at home...this is just soooo sad....any advice from anyone who has been through something similar....

[patty58]

Honey, all you can do is be there and listen. Let her ramble and ramble if she needs to. I would do like you and remind her that this is hard on the kids to and to think of them. That is the best advice you can give her. Good luck

[MissSophie]

Are there groups or classes for divorcing persons in her area? These can be helpful in teaching parents how to deal with their children and other issues. You may check it out and suggest that she try one. Unfortunately, your advise may not be what she wants in a time like this. Sounds as though she is somewhat self-centered.

[lilfoot]

Yes She is very self centered....one of the reasons for the divorce....she would never go to a divorce support group because she would not want to her that maybe she did things to get to this point....I didn't mention that there is another woman involved even though he says she is just someone to talk to which very well could be...I have not talked to Rod since this whole thing came up....my husband will be seeing him this weekend so maybe we will get his side of the story about this female.....My husband and I have always said that we couldn't believe he puts up with some of things Sheila says and does....(isn't that terrible...she is my best friend...) She sent me a huge email this morning telling me some of the things he has done in the last week....but like I said ...this is just HER side of the story and I don't believe all of it....I just don't know what to say to her anymore....

[Jenn218]

What a tough position to be in......

Last year, a friend said that she left her husband....and of course, I had to listen to all the things that he had done to cause the split. But, she would tell things that he would do and it was all good things...trying to make their marriage work...like he wanted to go see a counselor, he wanted her to go see a doctor (thinking it might be something they could fix...like if she was depressed, etc)....and finally told her that I had to give him credit for atleast trying...she on the other hand was just....goodbye..that's it.

They have since divorced...and I personally think it is sad...she is all happy and he is lost...they have two kids too in the middle of it. She still complains about him every since she gets...but since I have been friends w/ her and her ex....I think I have finally gotten it thru to her that she needs someone else to talk about this stuff to (a counselor is what I always bring up)....

It is horrible when this happens to friends.....and even worse, when they are both your friends.....