I am so upset....crushed

[NanaDtreasures]

I always try to answer as soon as I can
but i cant right now
You all are angels
Will be on tomorrow
Hugs to you all

[a2luckygirl]

Originally Posted by NanaDtreasures

I always try to answer as soon as I can
but i cant right now
You all are angels
Will be on tomorrow
Hugs to you all

Oh, my - PLEASE, PLEASE- GET SOMEONE TO STAY W/ U
anything- get you and your furbuts, (any kids? )SAFE!!
I am not going in to it- BUT I about died w/ a protection order- they are a piece of paper- untill they get caught!!
Please.PLease- get SAFE- SOMEHOW!!!! PLEASE!!
YOUR SAFETY IS THE VERY MOST IMPORTANT THING!!!

[katelin]

Debbi,

First, get another attorney. Look for a woman, they are sometimes more sympathetic. Especially look for a family law specialist. They are state certified and should be better than a run-of-the-mill attorney in this area. For an attorney to tell you that when you are ready the money won't mean a thing is utter nonsense! How poor and dependent does he want you to be??? I hate to say it, but there are still those men out there that don't want a woman to be in charge of her own destiny and think they should stay in their marriages. (Sorry if you saw a woman already, same advice) Get another attorney!

As I said I don't know Ohio law, but in CA we have no-fault divorce. Anyone can pull the plug at any time for any (or no) reason. If you must prove cause for a divorce in Ohio, you have it. You have been abused. You have been to the hospital and there are records that are available to you. You and your family can make declarations of the treatment you have suffered. You have cause, and you can prove it. Don't worry about trying to get him on tape etc. Most judges hear this stuff all day and don't take any stock in He said/She said. They are looking for more hard evidence. YOU HAVE IT. So don't worry about that.

Again, not familiar with Ohio law, but know the underlying principles for contract and family law. Your Prenup is a Contract. It is enforceable by any court (still valid right? under 5 years since marriage?). Whatever you agreed to (assuming it was properly entered into) is the DEAL between you. Check the language carefully. Courts want to enforce the exact letter of the contract. Assuming you get your initial investment back under the prenup agreement, you will probably have to sell the house and split any of the additional profit (less expenses). But this isn't all bad. You can then go on in this depressed economy and buy something else that is all yours. Or perhaps buy out his interest, whichever you can agree upon. thank goodness you got a prenup. (Although I do have a question about which came first, the property or the prenup, and the language in the prenup. You need to see a lawyer for this).

You need a protective order. He won't go quietly into the sunset. Get ready for this as best you can, and be strong! Have everything in order (including changing the locks on the house and making sure the Sheriff has a copy of the protective order) before you have him served.

I still maintain that the date of separation determines when you stop being responsible for his debts (including medical, unless insurance is paying for it). Otherwise what would stop any vindictive spouse (and there are lots out there) from running up all the charge accounts, etc. just to get back at the other spouse??? Surely those men/women in Ohio legislature haven't lost all of their marbles (sorry, I just get so mad at the inequities the law sometimes sets up). So check into this, as it is key to removing all of your husband's power to threaten you. True, you would be equally responsible if you were still married, but not if you are separated. (IMO).

Here, the "date of separation" is determined by the date you decide to leave or be "separate". It helps to have something concrete to point to, such as signing papers at a lawyers' office, kicking the spouse out of the house followed by legal action, leaving the home yourself, etc. But in truth, it is really based upon your state of mind, that is, when you decide you are not going to be married any more. However, courts have so much trouble with this they like to have something concrete to point to. Your lawyer can advise you... but I would be shocked if there wasn't some "date of separation" that can be applied to your debts. If so, you are in the clear, just don't tell him anything until you are ready and have done what you can do to establish the date of separation. You may have to leave the home to do this (take your furbabies too). Don't be afraid of doing that if necessary. It doesn't mean the house (or your investment) is lost to you forever.

Now for you. Be strong. You can do this! This man doesn't have anything but fear and intimidation in his arsenal. He ain't got nothin else goin on. Don't buy into it. You are a great person and deserve the very best (and there are "best" men out there still). You'll be whelping with one hand and kickin that man out with the other.... I'd love to see that!

Now I have to do a little disclaimer: I'm not licensed in Ohio to practice law, and I'm retired (inactive status) in California.

Hugs, and Yorkie Hugs to you and all your babies.

[yorkiesmiles]

Originally Posted by NanaDtreasures

I cant even begin to answer everyone.
BUT I wanted to write you.
There are good men out there.
I was married to one for 22 years.
A wonderful father to our 3 kids,who treated me with respect always
We are still good friends. He turned 40 and went thru a midlife crisis.
Sad but it does happen
But there are good men (((hugs)))

Oh, thanks for taking time to address me. I do pray there are good men out there. But I already married one horrid one and put up with physical, mental, emotional & financial abuse. I stayed too long because I didn't believe in divorce. I just haven't ever found another one to trust, but I pray God has a good one left for me.

And you were talking about how you were abused, add to that list financial abuse -- it is hard sometimes for someone to know what that means when you say that -- although I think anyone who has read your thread sees what that means in your case.

You never hear it talked about -- but I coined the word when I was going thru it years ago. The worst part for me, we shared a child & this is one of the things he could continue to do to me & to her after the divorce. She's now 18 & in her 1st yr of college & he is doing it to her now -- Financial abuse is when they use money to control the situation, manipulate you, spend your money, gamble it or put you in debt

[katelin]

Amen to that. Financial abuse is very real, and devastating. glad you got out.

As for your nearly grown child, they know the score. Kids want their parents to love them, but when things aren't quite right, they know. Whether they admit it or not.

My ex just told my son that if he changed jobs he would never speak to my son again...what is that all about??? Sometimes it just boggles the mind. But once you have children together you are always tied together. I just ignore it as best I can.

[red98vett]

Originally Posted by NanaDtreasures

I love he DONT love me...tho he tries to tell everyone he does.
"he is sick" he claims. And I am not honoring my marriage vows
I wish he would cheat...maybe he'd find somebody else and leave me alone.
But.......he would have no use for a woman..hooker...He cant do nothing , if you get what I'm saying..
He's sick all right..sick in the head
I deserve better...and I never deserved the abuse I've went thru.
But I am not giving him my house /100,000 its all I've got.
(((((HUGS))))))))
and to mypreciouspups ,a2luckygirl ,Susan123 ,YorkichonBella MindieRose, Patti and any others for your support....Thank You ((((HUGS)))

I'm more concerned about YOU.

It sounds like there's far worse issues than porn - violence is something that escalates and you might want to get out NOW because he's been confronted and it sounds like he's going to turn it around and blame you. THAT IS HOW WOMEN GET KILLED !!! Please do whatever you have to do to be safe. Looking at porn is minor when you compare it to throwing things - screaming - and putting a barrier between you and your family.

You're in a bad situation.

I'm sorry.....I just hope you see how bad it sounds from this end. I dont know you or your husband ....but he sounds very immature and also physical - put those together and you have an abusive man who could possibly hurt you -

GOOD LUCK !!!

[NanaDtreasures]

Still waiting for Allies puppies
A bad night for me here gals.
Ill post more later.

[yorkiesmiles]

Originally Posted by NanaDtreasures

Still waiting for Allies puppies
A bad night for me here gals.
Ill post more later.

I am so sorry! I am praying for you.

[a2luckygirl]

Originally Posted by red98vett

I'm more concerned about YOU.

It sounds like there's far worse issues than porn - violence is something that escalates and you might want to get out NOW because he's been confronted and it sounds like he's going to turn it around and blame you. THAT IS HOW WOMEN GET KILLED !!! Please do whatever you have to do to be safe. Looking at porn is minor when you compare it to throwing things - screaming - and putting a barrier between you and your family.

You're in a bad situation.

I'm sorry.....I just hope you see how bad it sounds from this end. I dont know you or your husband ....but he sounds very immature and also physical - put those together and you have an abusive man who could possibly hurt you -

GOOD LUCK !!!

I agree-very worried about your well being!!

[chachi]

I am very worried about you! Please get away from your Husband

[katelin]

So sorry you had a bad night, Debbi. Hope you are well and don't take any chances. The weekends can be so long. Just keep planning and moving towards your goal. Take good care of yourself and your babies.. I'll be thinking of you today.

Yorkie hugs.

[MeganS]

Debbi, I'm sorry you had a bad night. I'll be thinking about you and praying for you.

[LBrooks323]

Get the equity out of the house. Ask your attorney about this. There is a way to do this, you just have to figure out which way is the best way. Dont say anything about divorce until you get your money out of that house. If it goes into a retirement account he cannot touch it until after 10 years of marriage. A hospital will not want a fully mortgaged house.

Originally Posted by NanaDtreasures

I wanted to post to you all..
I am just overwhelmed with the support here.
I have so many posts to respond to and PM that I cant read just yet.
I know that someway there has to be something I can do.
I am writing this on WordPad and copying and pasting it to the post so he dont catch me . He is still home and I cant afford another smashed computer
Usually he leaves a lot in the evenings when his friends or family come home to visit .. will read pms..and post more then,
((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
I cant thank you all enough for the prayers and support

[LBrooks323]

I pm'd you.

[Susan123]

So Sorry you had an awful night. I know it's hard getting on, just know that we care and you can always come to YT for support. Praying for Divine intervention for you.

Susan