I am so upset....crushed

[MeganS]

Debbi, I'm reading some of your other posts on this thread about smashed computers and what not...I'm really concerned for you. I think you need to get out now. Is there someone you can stay with while you go through with everything? I want you to be safe. Your safety is more important than anything.

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by Saleswman

Will he know that it is you posting????? Not sure how that works.....

Best advice.....get a ruthless attorney....sorry, but you need one with steel balls ........my guess is the Judge will find your husband for the snake he is....

No, He cant sign in here. But the computer is in our living room.
He will peek over my shoulder to see sometimes when I'm typing to see what I'm typing in an IM with one of my kids. He gets angry and screams half the time if they call me
If he gets angry he pulls the plug.
Jerks the wires out and has thrown 3 computers. The first time was when I confronted him about the porn issue my brother found. He just went nuts.
Its horrible...my kids cant even come here anymore.
My grandbabys haven't spent the night with me in years and they are my world.

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by red98vett

I'm sorry for you - women don't deserve half the stuff men put us through BUT ....you're talking about smashed computers and 'other things' he's put you thru - it sounds like porn is the least of your problems - I really think you need to get out while you still can. This shattered your trust but it sounds like other things are going on that may be worse and I'd hate to see someone stay in a marriage that isn't going anywhere......

Porn that often is an addiction - chances are - he's also cheating/hookers etc - but I'm more concerned about the 'other things' you talked about. I don't know what they are but it doesn't sound good. Do you think he loves you ? IF HE DOES HE'll get help - but as I said - Looking at alot of porn is a form of addiction...he may not be able to stop.

Good luck - it sucks you've only been married 4 years - but it sounds like you deserve alot better.

I love he DONT love me...tho he tries to tell everyone he does.
"he is sick" he claims. And I am not honoring my marriage vows
I wish he would cheat...maybe he'd find somebody else and leave me alone.
But.......he would have no use for a woman..hooker...He cant do nothing , if you get what I'm saying..
He's sick all right..sick in the head
I deserve better...and I never deserved the abuse I've went thru.
But I am not giving him my house /100,000 its all I've got.
(((((HUGS))))))))
and to mypreciouspups ,a2luckygirl ,Susan123 ,YorkichonBella MindieRose, Patti and any others for your support....Thank You ((((HUGS)))

[hartygirl]

I don't know about law, but I would be very careful about what I post online. Everything you type it seems can be used in court either for or aginst you.
Also, as far as your husband claiming to have chest pain if you leave him, let him go to the Emergency Room. A cardiac work up will be done and he will be sent home if he is faking, the most he can fake is anxiety. A real MI (heart acttack) will be dected by an EKG and/or blood work.
Best of luck to you, get him out of your house, and please let more people know of your situation in your area. You should tell your children. We support you here, but it is simply that. Most of us live too far to drive by and check on you or meet you for coffee.
For your own saftey let your children and friends know what you are planning and they can help. Call them every day just to let them know you are safe.
I wish I had more advise

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by cariblonde

I just went through and read the entire post, I thought you were only dealing with porn, which is enough believe me, but if you are being abused get out now, go to your mothers and get a restaraing order this man sounds like a total jackass, having a restraining order will help you tremendously in court you shouldnt have to give him anything! I dont have lexis Nexis here at work b/c we are a real estate firm but I can go over to the University and look at if you need me too, I was reading some of the statutes for Ohio and it seems to me like you can waive the one year separation if you are dealing with adultery or abuse, I need to look more closely though before i can give you any real advice but get a good attorney Even if the retainer is 7000.00 or more think of all the $$ you would save in the long run by not having pay any spousal support, we are all worried about you please keep us updated

I read your posts a week or so ago and I worried that this had happened to you...I'm so sorry. And you have small kids.((((hugs)))
I have consulted an attorney here.
But he says that I have to be prepared to lose everything.
There is no protecting my house/100,000 if he goes to the hospital.
I already know I can get a protection order, but off to the hospital he would go
I'm not sure if you read about his problems with his heart.
I have been abused for most of my marriage.
I had spinal fusion done 10 years ago and was in a bodycast for 3 months.
I cant work. I do not get disability. The only thing I have for my future is my money which I thought I had protected with a pre-nup.
Not so if the man choses to blackmail you. I hope if others read this they know this can happen to them and in reaching out I hope somebody will know ANYTHING I can do to prevent it. My attorney gives me no hope.
He just says when you're ready...the money wont matter..
I have went to the hospital once after he grabbed my top as I tried to leave
and threw me to the ground. I couldnt move but thankfully the fusion held.
The hospital took pics of what looked like a huge rope burn across my neck.
It was there for a week.
He also pulled my hair and blackened my eye and half my face when grabbing it(he didnt punch me) both times at the hospital...he glared at me telling me dont you dare tell...Your house will be gone
The nurses and DR werent stupid they knew what had happened.
I have been "chest butted" into walls more times then I can count.
BUT he claims he is not an abuser.He has never beat me with his fists...whatever. I know what he is ..I hate him
He tells me Im old and wrikled and ugly.
He knows my 22 yr marriage broke up for 10 yr for a younger woman.
And he is 2 years younger then me..
I think thats why the porn bothers me that much more
And uses names I had only heard a few men say in my life.
I have hated this man for years now
I want out. Its all I think about
I keep hoping he will just have a heart attack from his heart problems.
I do go to my kids alot...and I go to hotels alot just to get away from him
Thank you so much for checking on things for me.
He wont get support .I dont work or have nothing but the money which is in my house.

[YorkieAZ]

Girl, it's sounds like you better get out of that house! He sounds like he could go off and you have no one there to stop him. Call your kids and tell them you and the furbutts are spending the night at one of their houses. Then you will be able to think more clearly on what to do next.

[katelin]

Originally Posted by NanaDtreasures

And katelin

Ok...this is long..

Thinking how I can put a very long story into a short one...
After a 22 year marriage my husband and I divorced.
I call it midlife crisis. New woman and new motorcycle...
We are still good friends.
I received a 100.000 settlement for my part of our home which was paid off.

A year after I met and married my new husband.
I did get a prenup before marriage, even thou this was the sweetest man I'd ever met.
Little did I know that soon...verbal, mental and physical abuse would start.
He was diagnosed as being bipolar with personality disorders,after first going thru chronic depression after both his parents died shortly after we married.
I stayed with this man thru all the abuse because he was seeking help and meds to get better.
He has worked little during the 4 years we have been married, just enough to keep his medical ins in effect thru his company. 3 years ago he almost had a heart attack and ended up with 3 stents placed in his chest and different medications.
He no longer has no ins. and is laid off of another "new job"

I have wanted a divorce for years having given up on him getting stable with his mental issues.
I cant take the abuse anymore.
This wasn't new to him ,he has known for this I am done and was preparing to sell the house. Which WE bought right before we were married with ME putting my 100,000 down on the house. He put nothing.But the prepup states that if we divorced before 5 years this money would come back to me in the sell of the house.

Since I have told him, I am filing for divorce this spring AND he found out he has no medical ins. he stated to me "fine...file for divorce..the day I get served I will immediately go to the ER.Tell them I am having chest pains and all the equity that is in this house will be gone " We already know when they did the stents there were more that needed done, but they chose not to do them at that time....
I thought he cant do this and ask my ins agent where I get my medical ins, Would they take my home over medical bills. And he said sadly they can. AND I couldn't file for bankruptcy because there is so much equity in the house.
He is uninsurable...I've been denied by everywhere I applied ...Help...
I feel so used....blackmailed by someone I loved and did everything to try to help and work thru everything else. Does anyone know...Is there anyway I can prevent this.After today...I just want out

Debbi, as far as I know you stop being liable for his expenses when you "separate". That is determined by your state of mind. If you go to a lawyer it is proof that your state of mind was to end your marriage and to separate yourself from him. In CA. people still live together and are still considered "separated" because they sometimes don't have the resources for anyone to move out.

I have to leave to get my granddaughter, but I'll be back on in a little while and will catch up with this thread and see what else I can tell you. Hang in there. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this....

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by katelin

Debbi, as far as I know you stop being liable for his expenses when you "separate". That is determined by your state of mind. If you go to a lawyer it is proof that your state of mind was to end your marriage and to separate yourself from him. In CA. people still live together and are still considered "separated" because they sometimes don't have the resources for anyone to move out.

I have to leave to get my granddaughter, but I'll be back on in a little while and will catch up with this thread and see what else I can tell you. Hang in there. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this....

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr thats what I thought it SHOULD be..but my attorney told me no.
That we are both responsible for all bills until the day the divorce is final.
And he even took out a huge loan that I didnt even know about until almost a year into our marriage. Guess what thats 1/2 mine too...
I would have never said a word...filed and then laughed when he tried to blackmail me. I wish I lived in CA.
He even said if only my name was on the deed my house may be protected.
It has his name too. Thank ((((HUGS)))

Jan I want you to know as soon as he even starts now I always leave.
He hasnt touched me in quite a while now because he knows I'll just get in my car and sometimes leave for days .Its mostly verbal in the last several months. Hugs to you too!

[YorkichonBella]

I am hoping for the best for You. It seems you are entering the 5th year mark of the prenup? The longer you wait, this could be jeopardized. If you do not like what one attorney has to say, please find another. You also already have evidence of abuse with the hospital records. Tell an attorney "everything". I myself, made so many mistakes that I still regret. It is overwhelming, I know. If you separate, you should not be held responsible for his medical expenses? I pray that you can find someone who will direct you for your best interest. Take care of yourself!

[Brookef18]

There HAS to be something you can do.... I would go to the ER and tell them his plan, go to a judge and TELL him, go to the police station and tell them and first aid about it. Some one must have some way of helping you!

If all else fails I would cut the phone lines! Just kidding.

The more people you tell the less powerful he becomes... I can't believe the lawer, I think there is more ways to protect you. There HAS to be!!!

I'm praying for you. I believe in the power of prayer and there are lots here to pray for you. Hang in there...

[cariblonde]

I agree find another attorney I wish I had more advice for you but I am a real estate paralegal in NC not a family law attorney in Ohio which is who could give you the expert advice you need, I'm sorry I searched your state statutes for over an hour and your situation is over my head.. I couldnt find anything as of yet about being responsible for medical expenses for a spouse but I can offer you support please pm me if there is anything you want to talk about or if things become unbearable ((((((Hugs)))))) I will continue to search for more info

[Saleswman]

You need to get to an attorney....you could actually change the locks while he is away fearing for your own safety.....getting an order of protection.

You can get an attorney that is offered by the state I think...talk to an advocate for women on the phone...I am sure the state has one....it may be that you have to give him half......but half is better than your life...which I think I would be fearful of at this point....

I am from Ohio...and all my family is still there....have brothers that dont take any s**t...and , well lets just say.....if they knew a woman was in danger...they would not be very happy...

What a jerk

[MindieRose]

There are attorneys that specialize in domestic violence, call someone else please! If you want, I can help you find one in your area. There is more help than you think out there. He wants you to think that there is no way out. Besides, even if you lose everything you have, you will still be better off. He wont get it all though, and hopefully, he WILL get what is coming to him.

[flgurl69]

I just stopped by again and read this. Debbi, I hope you find the strength and courage to be able to deal with whatever lies ahead. Gather your family and close friends around you for support and safety. I don't know anything about Ohio divorce law but if I can help in some way, just say the word.

Lots of hugs to you

[katelin]

Debbi,

I just typed a very long response with all my advice - and I lost it! I have some things to tell you, but now my house is full of family --AUGHHHHH!

I'll be back on as soon as I can. In the meantime, be strong girl. You can do this and it ain't all bad!