Very Upset and Need Advice... - YorkieTalk.com Forums

jrsygal37 · 01-07-2008, 04:17 PM

I'm not one to post about personal matters but I'm very upset tonight and need some honest input. My son who just turned 14 and another boy 13 played Ding Dong Ditch last night. You know where you go to someone's house and ring the bell and run. He's never been in trouble and he was wrong. I found out about it today and myself and the other boy's mom made the boys go to the home and appologize. The home was that of a couple in their 70's and we really felt bad. My son is also punished all week. No outside, no videos, no phone, etc.

The problem I have is this. The older couple's son who is about 50 came to my home last night and approached the boys. This was between 6pm and 7pm and the boys were sitting by the side door of our home. We were inside and did not know any of this was going on. We found out all fo this today when we went to make the boys appologize and the other boy who was involved was really scared and said to my son "Let's just tell them what happened." and my son broke down crying (He's not a crier). Apparantly after they played this prank - the older couple called their son and told him what the boys looked like. The man their son walked to my home with a pipe and with another man and came up on my property where the boys were. My son saw him coming and got scared and hid. The other boy froze. Both these boys were sitting by our side door. Our cars were there, lights on etc. It was clear that parents were home.

This man approached the boy with a pipe and asked him "Are you alone and the boy replied no." He then asked "Where is your little friend." The boy replied he's not here I'm waiting for him." The man then said "You f.... with my family and the boy replied (He was scared) that we didn't do anything. The man then said to him with pipe raised "Do it again and I'll break all your f..... fingers and beat the s.... out of both of you with this pipe." This all took place while another adult man waited on the street.

I'm really disturbed by this. My son was wrong for being involved. The older woman said that my son did not do it but was there so in my eyes he's just as much to blame. I also feel that he deserved to get the crap scared out of him but not like this. We were home and as far as I'm concerned scaring them is taking them by the back of the collar and ringing my bell and telling us take care of it or I'll put my foot in their a.. not coming over with a pipe threatening them.

I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? I don't want to cause trouble for the older couple and again my son was wrong but as a parent I just can't allow a grown man to do what this man did. I don't want to press charges against this man because as I said my son was wrong but at the same time I don't want him to think what he did was fine with us.

What is really scary is that my husband is a retired Police Officer. He has his service revolver in the house and had he looked out the window and seen this he would have went out with his gun in hand. He don't know who this guy is, what he wants or what's going on. He sees a man with a pipe standing over a kid on our property. To go further had the man not put the pipe down or swung at him this guy would have gotten shot - all over a stupid prank.

I thought about myself talking to the guy (If I could find out where he lives) or having my husband have a talk with him, but quite frankly I'm afraid my husband will rip this guys head off. He's really hot that a grown man would come on someone's property with a weapon to go after two young boys. And, if we appoach him to talk and an altercation takes place (verbally or otherwise) in the law's eyes we're wrong for approaching him.

So what would you guys do?

Elaine

I

Bizzymammabee · 01-07-2008, 04:22 PM

I would go back and speak to the parents and inform them of his disgusting behaviour. What the boys did was harmless...wrong but harmless. What that man did was uncalled for an a lot more childish than the kids. He should have come and spoken to you and hubby about the kids actions. I would report the issue to the police. I think you should preempt any thing that can happen later. God forbid the boys later on mention something to hubby. Eventually their guilt may lead them to want to talk more about what they did and hubby will hear about what the guy did.

Good luck.

patty58 · 01-07-2008, 04:29 PM

I think I would talk to the couple across the street....and would probably report it. That is very scary. What if someone else does something to the couples house and the son thinks your son did it. Could be a very dangerous situation.

Suzy · 01-07-2008, 04:40 PM

That is really disturbing...what your son and his friend did isn't "right", but it's a harmless, silly game teens play. They weren't hurting anyone-more or less just being annoying. It happens all the time when there are kids in the neighborhood.

All that being said, what the guy said and did was completely out of line. Though the man was probably trying to scare the teens, he went way too far. I understand that you don't want to file a police report, but what this guy said and did is considered assault-if the boys felt they were in true and immediate danger, it's classified as assault. If I were you, I'd call the police, and ask what your options are. Also, it might be good to file a report just to get it on the record in case he says anything else to your boy and his friend.

LuvMySissy · 01-07-2008, 04:40 PM

OMG - how terrified those boys must have been. What they did was wrong, but an innocent prank. This guy is clearly an adult who knows better. His actions are cause for alarm. He threatened with a deadly weapon. It doesn't matter if it was just to scare them or not.

As hard as it will be, I think you need to talk to this couple with all the boys present. Let the boys start off by apologizing and stating it will never happen again. Perhaps if you explain to the couple about your hubby being a retired PO and what could have happened if he had seen this might help.

kaitlyn · 01-07-2008, 04:43 PM

You really need to tell your hubby before he finds out later. Then I would report it to the police, take the boys with you when you do. What that man did was way WRONG!! Im assuming hes a grown man, so talking to his parents about it probably wouldnt do any good, but they could tell you his address for the police to serve him with papers.
What your son and his friend did was wrong, yes...Im sure they knew that as soon as you found out about it. But it didnt not warrant this grown man assaulting them. You are not overreacting, I would have probably already been at the parents home finding that "man" as soon as I found out.
Good luck in getting this resolved...

LazyDaisy · 01-07-2008, 04:44 PM

They rang a doorbell for goodness sake! I'm sure there are many people on this sight that have doorbell ditched in their day. But what this guy did is wrong. What if you were gone! There is no comparison to what the man did! Sorry!

GinosMommy · 01-07-2008, 04:47 PM

I think the 50 year old Son watches too many episodes of the Sopranos. What an ass!!!

cowgirlc · 01-07-2008, 04:47 PM

I too would at least do a police report of the incident, including the boys actions that started the whole thing. Do that before you take another step. That way should you decide to approach the elderly couple about what the grown son did, you at least have a record of the entire situation in case the elders are not receptive to the second approach.

As for the grown man, I definitely would not try to approach him personally, because the experience has shown you that the individual is not the level headed "lets talk about this" kind. Why put yourself in a position where someone can really get hurt.

If you are not going to press charges, then pick a safe time to talk to the elders about the actions of the grown son, and leave it at that. Just know that "YOU" have done the right thing. In this world of love and hate, we have to be very careful these days and alway keep in mind that we cannot control what other people do.

Thank God that your family is safe at this point, and find the bright side of the situation. Your son did not get hurt, and the lesson to him is not to do that again.

P.P.S, Tell your husband!

Cynthia

For My Coby · 01-07-2008, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patty58

I think I would talk to the couple across the street....and would probably report it. That is very scary. What if someone else does something to the couples house and the son thinks your son did it. Could be a very dangerous situation.

First let me commend you for not letting one bad behavior trump another. Too many parents would become indignant after learning of the elder couple's son's "visit" and forget that the situation was caused by a prank in the first place - albeit a harmless prank.

I agree that you should talk to the couple, having the boys apologize. As Patty said, it would be bad if the boys were later unjustly accused of something else. The couple will let their son know that they had apologized and hopefully there'll be no more interaction with him. I would also let the couple know exactly how their son "handled" the situation himself, which actually caused a delay in the apology.

jrsygal37 · 01-07-2008, 05:59 PM

Thank you to everyone for your advice. Coby, the boys did apologize already. They actually apologized even after I knew what their son had done. I thought about talking to the couple about their son's behavior BUT I did't for a couple of reasons. The first being that they are in their 70's and I didn't want to upset them. The second, being that when the boys appologized the older man was very acceptant but the older woman not so much. It was obvious she had not idea that the son had approached the boys BUT she was well aware that he went looking for them. This was evident with the comment she made "It's a good thing my son didn't get a hold of them." Something told me she probably would have condoned what he did and I just didn't want to stir more up. It's rough I know because I have two elderly parents - one of which is terminal and I know if the shoe were on my foot I'd be furious (Prank or not) that someone was bothering my parents by making them get up and down unnecessarily. I'm a hot head too but as much as a hot head as I am I still know enough not to do such a thing. The thing that bothers me most is not what he said - words come out in anger. It's the fact that he thought to 1. bring a pipe and 2. bring someone with him. My son is small for his age. He looks to be 11 or 12 - not 14. He's only just 5 ft and he weighs just 100 pounds so the guy could not have mistaken him for older. His friend is taller but still looks very young. Thanks again for all your advice. Elaine

For My Coby · 01-07-2008, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrsygal37

Thank you to everyone for your advice. Coby, the boys did apologize already. They actually apologized even after I knew what their son had done. I thought about talking to the couple about their son's behavior BUT I did't for a couple of reasons. The first being that they are in their 70's and I didn't want to upset them. The second, being that when the boys appologized the older man was very acceptant but the older woman not so much. It was obvious she had not idea that the son had approached the boys BUT she was well aware that he went looking for them. This was evident with the comment she made "It's a good thing my son didn't get a hold of them." Something told me she probably would have condoned what he did and I just didn't want to stir more up. It's rough I know because I have two elderly parents - one of which is terminal and I know if the shoe were on my foot I'd be furious (Prank or not) that someone was bothering my parents by making them get up and down unnecessarily. I'm a hot head too but as much as a hot head as I am I still know enough not to do such a thing. The thing that bothers me most is not what he said - words come out in anger. It's the fact that he thought to 1. bring a pipe and 2. bring someone with him. My son is small for his age. He looks to be 11 or 12 - not 14. He's only just 5 ft and he weighs just 100 pounds so the guy could not have mistaken him for older. His friend is taller but still looks very young. Thanks again for all your advice. Elaine

SO well spoken and handled that my respect for you went over the top tonight. Your family is lucky to have you as a role model.

zoeybear · 01-07-2008, 06:18 PM

Please don't try to confront the son yourself. This guy sounds crazy. I would be worried for your safety. I can't imagine anything good could come of a confrontation with your hubby. My Husband would go berserk!! What a complete over-reaction. It was a harmless prank. I would file a police report. Tell them the whole truth and let the Police make it clear that this guy is not to be anywhere near your kid again. What he did was a crime. If he comes back, file a restraining order and have him arrested. Please be careful, you never know what someone is capable of.

southernchick · 01-07-2008, 06:39 PM

Like everone else has said!! you need to call the cops & have a report on file in case there is a future incident, who's not to say other kids try a harmless prank on them but he still comes to your yard! have a record of this!

Ashley V · 01-07-2008, 07:29 PM

I don't know what to tell you about what to do about that man, but I will tell you that I do not think you are over reacting at all. The boys are what? 13 and 14, you say? Yes, what they did was wrong, but that man certainly didn't need to approach them like that. In my eyes that man threatened your child and his friend and could easily have hurt them VERY badly. You should remind him of what it was like to be 13-14 years old. Tell him to step back and think about it for a minute. Maybe he'll remember some of the silly pranks he did as a child. At any rate, I think the man should have just approached you and the other child's parents and told ya'll what was going on. Then ya'll could have dealt with it from there. I must say, I don't think they'll probably be trying that prank again though! lol

01-07-2008, 04:17 PM	#1
jrsygal37 No Longer a Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 1,478	Very Upset and Need Advice... I'm not one to post about personal matters but I'm very upset tonight and need some honest input. My son who just turned 14 and another boy 13 played Ding Dong Ditch last night. You know where you go to someone's house and ring the bell and run. He's never been in trouble and he was wrong. I found out about it today and myself and the other boy's mom made the boys go to the home and appologize. The home was that of a couple in their 70's and we really felt bad. My son is also punished all week. No outside, no videos, no phone, etc. The problem I have is this. The older couple's son who is about 50 came to my home last night and approached the boys. This was between 6pm and 7pm and the boys were sitting by the side door of our home. We were inside and did not know any of this was going on. We found out all fo this today when we went to make the boys appologize and the other boy who was involved was really scared and said to my son "Let's just tell them what happened." and my son broke down crying (He's not a crier). Apparantly after they played this prank - the older couple called their son and told him what the boys looked like. The man their son walked to my home with a pipe and with another man and came up on my property where the boys were. My son saw him coming and got scared and hid. The other boy froze. Both these boys were sitting by our side door. Our cars were there, lights on etc. It was clear that parents were home. This man approached the boy with a pipe and asked him "Are you alone and the boy replied no." He then asked "Where is your little friend." The boy replied he's not here I'm waiting for him." The man then said "You f.... with my family and the boy replied (He was scared) that we didn't do anything. The man then said to him with pipe raised "Do it again and I'll break all your f..... fingers and beat the s.... out of both of you with this pipe." This all took place while another adult man waited on the street. I'm really disturbed by this. My son was wrong for being involved. The older woman said that my son did not do it but was there so in my eyes he's just as much to blame. I also feel that he deserved to get the crap scared out of him but not like this. We were home and as far as I'm concerned scaring them is taking them by the back of the collar and ringing my bell and telling us take care of it or I'll put my foot in their a.. not coming over with a pipe threatening them. I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? I don't want to cause trouble for the older couple and again my son was wrong but as a parent I just can't allow a grown man to do what this man did. I don't want to press charges against this man because as I said my son was wrong but at the same time I don't want him to think what he did was fine with us. What is really scary is that my husband is a retired Police Officer. He has his service revolver in the house and had he looked out the window and seen this he would have went out with his gun in hand. He don't know who this guy is, what he wants or what's going on. He sees a man with a pipe standing over a kid on our property. To go further had the man not put the pipe down or swung at him this guy would have gotten shot - all over a stupid prank. I thought about myself talking to the guy (If I could find out where he lives) or having my husband have a talk with him, but quite frankly I'm afraid my husband will rip this guys head off. He's really hot that a grown man would come on someone's property with a weapon to go after two young boys. And, if we appoach him to talk and an altercation takes place (verbally or otherwise) in the law's eyes we're wrong for approaching him. So what would you guys do? Elaine I

01-07-2008, 04:22 PM	#2
Bizzymammabee Luvs Lulu Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Queens, NY Posts: 6,021	I would go back and speak to the parents and inform them of his disgusting behaviour. What the boys did was harmless...wrong but harmless. What that man did was uncalled for an a lot more childish than the kids. He should have come and spoken to you and hubby about the kids actions. I would report the issue to the police. I think you should preempt any thing that can happen later. God forbid the boys later on mention something to hubby. Eventually their guilt may lead them to want to talk more about what they did and hubby will hear about what the guy did. Good luck. __________________ Beth mommie to Zoey & Toby Proud member of Petite Pups United! RIP Lulu. My world will never be the same without you. 12/31/07

01-07-2008, 04:29 PM	#3
patty58 Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: texas Posts: 4,854	I think I would talk to the couple across the street....and would probably report it. That is very scary. What if someone else does something to the couples house and the son thinks your son did it. Could be a very dangerous situation. __________________ Patty, Murfee's Mommy Believe Everything Happens For A Reason

01-07-2008, 04:40 PM	#4
Suzy 2 Pups=Double Trouble! Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Iowa Posts: 5,885	That is really disturbing...what your son and his friend did isn't "right", but it's a harmless, silly game teens play. They weren't hurting anyone-more or less just being annoying. It happens all the time when there are kids in the neighborhood. All that being said, what the guy said and did was completely out of line. Though the man was probably trying to scare the teens, he went way too far. I understand that you don't want to file a police report, but what this guy said and did is considered assault-if the boys felt they were in true and immediate danger, it's classified as assault. If I were you, I'd call the police, and ask what your options are. Also, it might be good to file a report just to get it on the record in case he says anything else to your boy and his friend. __________________ Suzy Emma & Milli What's better than loving a yorkie? Loving two yorkies! Milli 's Remi!

01-07-2008, 04:40 PM	#5
LuvMySissy Luv my Angel, too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 8,081	OMG - how terrified those boys must have been. What they did was wrong, but an innocent prank. This guy is clearly an adult who knows better. His actions are cause for alarm. He threatened with a deadly weapon. It doesn't matter if it was just to scare them or not. As hard as it will be, I think you need to talk to this couple with all the boys present. Let the boys start off by apologizing and stating it will never happen again. Perhaps if you explain to the couple about your hubby being a retired PO and what could have happened if he had seen this might help. __________________ Jodie, Sissy & Angel Proudly dressin' your furkids at: www.sissyangelwear.com Members of the CRAZY Club!

01-07-2008, 04:43 PM	#6
kaitlyn Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: over the rainbow Posts: 92	You really need to tell your hubby before he finds out later. Then I would report it to the police, take the boys with you when you do. What that man did was way WRONG!! Im assuming hes a grown man, so talking to his parents about it probably wouldnt do any good, but they could tell you his address for the police to serve him with papers. What your son and his friend did was wrong, yes...Im sure they knew that as soon as you found out about it. But it didnt not warrant this grown man assaulting them. You are not overreacting, I would have probably already been at the parents home finding that "man" as soon as I found out. Good luck in getting this resolved...

01-07-2008, 04:44 PM	#7
LazyDaisy Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Reno Posts: 385	They rang a doorbell for goodness sake! I'm sure there are many people on this sight that have doorbell ditched in their day. But what this guy did is wrong. What if you were gone! There is no comparison to what the man did! Sorry!

01-07-2008, 04:47 PM	#8
GinosMommy Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Fishers, IN Posts: 2,153	I think the 50 year old Son watches too many episodes of the Sopranos. What an ass!!! __________________ Stacy, Mommy to: Bianca the Bichon 3-6-06, Gino the yorkie 3-15-07

01-07-2008, 04:47 PM	#9
cowgirlc Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 15	Gizmos Mom I too would at least do a police report of the incident, including the boys actions that started the whole thing. Do that before you take another step. That way should you decide to approach the elderly couple about what the grown son did, you at least have a record of the entire situation in case the elders are not receptive to the second approach. As for the grown man, I definitely would not try to approach him personally, because the experience has shown you that the individual is not the level headed "lets talk about this" kind. Why put yourself in a position where someone can really get hurt. If you are not going to press charges, then pick a safe time to talk to the elders about the actions of the grown son, and leave it at that. Just know that "YOU" have done the right thing. In this world of love and hate, we have to be very careful these days and alway keep in mind that we cannot control what other people do. Thank God that your family is safe at this point, and find the bright side of the situation. Your son did not get hurt, and the lesson to him is not to do that again. P.P.S, Tell your husband! Cynthia __________________ Cynthia a/k/a Cowgirlc & GIZMO Last edited by cowgirlc; 01-07-2008 at 04:50 PM. Reason: addtional note

01-07-2008, 05:59 PM	#11
jrsygal37 No Longer a Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 1,478	Thank you to everyone for your advice. Coby, the boys did apologize already. They actually apologized even after I knew what their son had done. I thought about talking to the couple about their son's behavior BUT I did't for a couple of reasons. The first being that they are in their 70's and I didn't want to upset them. The second, being that when the boys appologized the older man was very acceptant but the older woman not so much. It was obvious she had not idea that the son had approached the boys BUT she was well aware that he went looking for them. This was evident with the comment she made "It's a good thing my son didn't get a hold of them." Something told me she probably would have condoned what he did and I just didn't want to stir more up. It's rough I know because I have two elderly parents - one of which is terminal and I know if the shoe were on my foot I'd be furious (Prank or not) that someone was bothering my parents by making them get up and down unnecessarily. I'm a hot head too but as much as a hot head as I am I still know enough not to do such a thing. The thing that bothers me most is not what he said - words come out in anger. It's the fact that he thought to 1. bring a pipe and 2. bring someone with him. My son is small for his age. He looks to be 11 or 12 - not 14. He's only just 5 ft and he weighs just 100 pounds so the guy could not have mistaken him for older. His friend is taller but still looks very young. Thanks again for all your advice. Elaine

01-07-2008, 06:18 PM	#13
zoeybear and Chloe too! Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: California Posts: 2,846	Please don't try to confront the son yourself. This guy sounds crazy. I would be worried for your safety. I can't imagine anything good could come of a confrontation with your hubby. My Husband would go berserk!! What a complete over-reaction. It was a harmless prank. I would file a police report. Tell them the whole truth and let the Police make it clear that this guy is not to be anywhere near your kid again. What he did was a crime. If he comes back, file a restraining order and have him arrested. Please be careful, you never know what someone is capable of. __________________ "Ma Petite Souris" ..............and "Gold Dust's Kissing Machine"

01-07-2008, 06:39 PM	#14
southernchick Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: God's Country Posts: 373	Like everone else has said!! you need to call the cops & have a report on file in case there is a future incident, who's not to say other kids try a harmless prank on them but he still comes to your yard! have a record of this!

01-07-2008, 07:29 PM	#15
Ashley V YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Leesburg Posts: 960	I don't know what to tell you about what to do about that man, but I will tell you that I do not think you are over reacting at all. The boys are what? 13 and 14, you say? Yes, what they did was wrong, but that man certainly didn't need to approach them like that. In my eyes that man threatened your child and his friend and could easily have hurt them VERY badly. You should remind him of what it was like to be 13-14 years old. Tell him to step back and think about it for a minute. Maybe he'll remember some of the silly pranks he did as a child. At any rate, I think the man should have just approached you and the other child's parents and told ya'll what was going on. Then ya'll could have dealt with it from there. I must say, I don't think they'll probably be trying that prank again though! lol __________________ AshleyChipSmokey