I’ve never hurt this much in my entire life…

[Anna Banana]

I've given up my baby boy...

My family does a lot of animal rescue, with dogs, cats, and other creatures. A few months ago, I found a sweet, tiny puppy on the street, and brought him home with me. Unlike most of the little ones that walk in and out of our door, I immediately became attached to him and begged my mom for a chance to let his forever home be with me, but it remained undecided. I named him Woda, and he became the sweetest, most loving puppy I’ve ever known (yes, more than Wobie). I believe he was a Japanese Chin/ Shih-Tzu mix.

Long story short, it was decided that we couldn’t keep him, mainly for training and conflict reasons. This was purely my mother’s decision, not my own, but since I live in her house (I’m 19), I respect her decisions, as she works so hard to be a great mom, and asks very little of me, besides being respectful, responsible, and a good student. She found him an amazing home, with an older man that has recently lost his wife and previous dog. He has all the time, money, and love in the world to devote to him. I handed my baby away yesterday afternoon, after hours of just sobbing and holding him. I sent him away with his favorite blankets, toys, clothes, food, and treats, as well as pages of instructions on his preferences, behavior, likes, and dislikes.

I’m still not able to come to terms with the loss of my baby Woda. I miss him so much and I can’t shake the feeling that giving him away was a huge mistake. I can’t stop crying, I had to leave work several times today, just to sob in a bathroom or closet. I just want him back so badly. I feel empty. I got so used to having my two boys by my side, and I just don’t know how I’m going to face life without him. I haven’t done anything since giving him away, outside of taking basic care of Wobie and going to work, I need a shower and some food, but I just don't have the energy. In the heartbreaks, losses, and deaths I have experienced in my life so far, nothing is comparable to what I’m feeling now. It’s indescribable, just pain, disappointment, loneliness, inadequacy, loss, all rolled into one overwhelming feeling that makes me never want to do anything, especially even look at any other dogs but him. I was beginning to feel like eating, but now I’m back to just being nauseous and having a bad headache.

I feel even worse, because I am guilty for feeling this way. I should be happy that this man will provide my Woda with everything he could ever want, and I could only provide him what I could while I’m struggling to get through school, and move out, and afford another baby on top of Wobie’s expenses. This pain is so irrational to It also wouldn’t have been fair to leave my mom with an unwanted dog when Wobie and I move out. (Since he is an emotional support animal/ service dog, “no pets” rules don’t apply to him, but they would to Woda, making it very hard to find an affordable place.) I can’t help but sound like a little kid screaming “it’s not fair.” It’s not fair that someone else gets to live with, and play with, and love and take care of my baby, and it’s not fair I never get to see him grow up and become the sweetheart I know he will.

Wobie is fine. He seems to miss his brother, but more than anything, he’s confused as to why mommy is crying all the time and doesn’t want to play. He keeps trying to leap up and lick the tears off my face.

I’m sorry this is so long and incoherent. My head and heart still aren’t in their normal functioning states. I just wanted to share with my YT family, because my family doesn’t understand.

[tiggerr36792]

I am so very sorry your hurting. Here's a big hug!
It sounds like your baby has a wonderful new home and although it is extremely painful for you, he should do well there. Sometimes Mom's do ask us to make choices in life that we would rather not do, but after reading your post it does sound like it was the right decision even though its so hard on you. Try to think positively for your baby in his new home and always remember the times you did get to enjoy with Wobie! He may be living elsewhere but he will always be in your heart!

May time ease your pain, but never erase your precious memories!!

[Anna Banana]

Originally Posted by tiggerr36792

I am so very sorry your hurting. Here's a big hug!
It sounds like your baby has a wonderful new home and although it is extremely painful for you, he should do well there. Sometimes Mom's do ask us to make choices in life that we would rather not do, but after reading your post it does sound like it was the right decision even though its so hard on you. Try to think positively for your baby in his new home and always remember the times you did get to enjoy with Wobie! He may be living elsewhere but he will always be in your heart!

May time ease your pain, but never erase your precious memories!!

Thanks for the hug. I just cried a lot, and I'm telling myself it will be okay right now. The pain comes in waves, so I do get a break until I look at something that reminds me of him.

I had two babies, Wobie, my yorkie, and Woda, my chin-mix. Wobie is still with me, thank God. If I didn't have him I would literally go insane...

I love my mom with all my heart, and I agree this was a good thing for him. I just want the pain to go away so I can be happy for him.

[Monday]

so sorry to hear you have to give up your baby. I hope your heart heals.

[dray]

Anna , trust me your pain will get better with every tear you cry. Some how the heart will heal and you will get stronger. For if we give up our life is over. So cry your tears and let your heart heal, your baby is in a good place. As you go through life there will be many things that will hurt you, as you get older you will get stronger. One day you will have your own place and you can fill your heart and house with as much love as you need. I guess at this time maybe you can think of the man that needed your boy to help him in his life and how much happiness you have given him, and how your baby is healing his heart.

I am so sorry you are hurting.....let your dog lick away your tears , he is there for you and he needs you too.

[Shelby&Seymour]

Sorry that you are hurting..... Sounds like Woda has a wonderful new home!! I am sure that he is getting very spoiled.

[littlewhip]

Awww hun Iam so sorry for pain hugs to you. again iam very sorry.

[saphire]

I'm sorry you are hurting. It must have been such an emotional knock for your poor heart. I admire the fact that you are not angry with your Mom and accept the circumstances even though it hurts. Hugs to you sweety.

Sheilagh

[red98vett]

I'm so sorry - that had to be very very hard to do - but in time - you'll think of him and smile and at least you know he's in a great home ...think of the 2 of them together and how much love he'll be getting and giving in return for that man.....but I'm sorry - he sounds like a sweetheart

Hugs .....

[Nikki+2]

Well we sure have some wise women on this board so all I can say is I am so sorry for your pain.

[mizzwanned]

I'm so sorry I'm sure he will love his new home

[yorkiecrazy]

I'm so sorry you're hurting! It sounds like you placed your baby boy in a wonderful home....If you can go visit with him from time to time, you can see him and how happy he will become. Big hugs to you, sweetie.

[MeganS]

Anna, I'm so sorry. *hug* It sounds like your boy is in a wonderful home, but I know you're still sad. You're in my thoughts.

[yorkiegirl83]

I am so so sorry that you are going through this If you ever need to talk you can always pm me <3 I'm sure this is just heartbreaking for you *hugs*

[wemple2]

All I can say is how very sorry I am that you are feeling so badly...because in reality you did a very mature thing. Your heart is aching for your baby, but think of the good you have done, you rescued him AND found him a fabulous new forever home...take pride in what you've done, this lonely man has the time and means to make for a very happy bond between them. May you feel less sad...and more blessed for making the right decision and following through. Hold your head up high and bask in the glory of life...chin up...this is a good thing, be proud of yourself...Woda would want you to be happy.