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12-17-2007, 05:19 PM | #1 |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 301
| HELP! Need boyfriend advice... So i have been dating this guy for six months now, and we have gotten very close within these six months. My boyfriend comes from a family who has given him everything he has wanted his whole entire life (or so it seems). It has been very difficult for me to be accepted by some of his family members (they are finally starting to warm up to me) because his family is very well known here and I guess his family just doesnt want to waste their time meeting new girls. So thats issue number 1 kind of. Issue number two is that my boyfriend is extreamly jelous and although he has gotten better he still "jokes" around saying "so what boyfriend are you going to hang out with tonight" or "so what took you so long you hanging out with your new boyfriend?". This drives me INSANE he knows it and he still continues to do it. Third issue and this is the big one is that he expects me to give him what he wants when he wants it. Now just recently (some of you know) i got into an accident so i have had a lot on my plate with that, finals week, work, Oliver, boyfriend, friends, family etc. My boyfriend doesnt see where my stress comes in and doesnt realize that something has got to give with all of this stuff going on in my life. He doesnt realize that I cannot pay attention to him and hang out with him and just watch tv with him with all this stuff on my mind. He demands kisses and hugs constantly, it feels like I am giving him a kiss or a hug every 2 mins! Today he told me "I dont understand why you are stressed out you are over reacting" and he wants me to be a little bit more into him or into our relationship and bothers me about it everyday which gets annoying. And I am trying I really am but with everything I have going on its difficult Fourth Issue, he has so many debts that it seriously scares me to death. I would probably cry everyday if i had the debts he had. And I refuse to go any further with our relationship until the debts are paid off. Mom says its alright to leave someone because of their debts. And I know I am 19 I have a long ways until marriage but i dont plan on marrying someone with debts like his and i dont plan to marry until 25 or so but thats going to come up sooner or later so when do you cut the cord and say done? Last issue (i promise), I always said to myself that I would only date guys that I would ever consider marrying (cause relationships that I dont consider that are just a waste of my time I believe). And I always promised myself because I am planning to go really far with my education that I would only marry a college boy because I want someone that is able to get through college and has an equal pay or at least close to what I will be getting. My boyfriend has done nothing with his life since he graduated in 2007 (he's 19 too though). Granted its only been a semester but I dont see him doing anythign with his life for a while. He doesnt even work a full time job he just recently started working with his father at his fathers resturant tonight was his first night. Other than that he hasnt worked for the past 2 - 3 months. So I have a couple of choices, stay with him and deal with all of the kisses and hugs that i have to give him and try to change and hope that he changes and does something with his life or leave. What do I do? do you think I am over reacting just like he does? maybe I am. I dont know im so confused. But I dont want to make it seem like everything is bad in our relationship we have a lot of good times too. (sorry this post is kind of all over the place and sloppy)
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12-17-2007, 05:22 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,693
| Honey... you are so young. I can't tell you to do something that your heart won't let you. But I WILL tell you to not settle. If you are not happy with these issues, then trust me... if you marry him you definitely will not be happy.
__________________ Steph, Mama to 6 skin babies and beautiful yorkies! |
12-17-2007, 05:25 PM | #3 |
Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa
Posts: 12,552
| Move on Honey Too many issues and way too spoiled. It is proven that spoiled people are never satisfied, because they have never had to work for anything. So everything is meaninless, including significant others. |
12-17-2007, 05:26 PM | #4 |
Tiny Dog Big Heart Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Texas
Posts: 6,205
| Doesn't seem like marriage material to me, so if you don't want to waste your time I would move on. I am not saying he couldn't eventually become that, but at this point he is not there.
__________________ Little Bit |
12-17-2007, 05:27 PM | #5 | |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 301
| Quote:
good point. Well at this rate I would never even think about marrying him but its like how long do I give him to change his ways and prove to me he's not going to rack up creditcards like a mad man and he's going to do something with his life other than a part time job and living at his moms house?
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12-17-2007, 05:27 PM | #6 | |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 301
| Quote:
EXACTLY! you got it dead on he's never satisfied. SO you think he will never be satisfied ever? hmm.
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12-17-2007, 05:29 PM | #7 |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 301
| True but i want to give him the chance to change thats why I havent really moved on yet.
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12-17-2007, 05:30 PM | #8 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Washington State
Posts: 1,218
| He sounds immature, and spoiled. The debt is a hint to that too, he needs instant gratification... so he buys & needs. I married a man with alot of debt, but thankfully we inherited a little money and was able to pay alot of it off (over $30,000 in cc debt!) Since I had no debt, I didn't realize what that meant until we got married .. then I learned what "minimum payments" bought you.. nothing!!! But we were in our late 30's when we got married, so no maturity issues. You are young! Move on. If he is "the one" maybe when he's older & more mature he will come back into your life. But if not, then it's not meant to be. |
12-17-2007, 05:35 PM | #9 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,090
| I see some red flags with this guy. It sounds like he has some serious maturing to do and is very much into himself (what he wants when he wants it) There are alot of women out there today with messed up lives because they thought the person would change.......... |
12-17-2007, 05:37 PM | #10 | |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 301
| Quote:
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12-17-2007, 05:40 PM | #11 | |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 301
| Quote:
Yeah and even in my extended family there have been a lot of divorces because the women or men though the other would change and they didnt. Which is why i could never bring myself to marry anybody if i didnt agree with something they did even if they promised to change.
__________________ Member of the Little Gentleman's Club | |
12-17-2007, 05:48 PM | #12 | |
Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa
Posts: 12,552
| Quote:
Now if you continue to live your own life, and don't jump at his every wish, he might find you to be worth changing for. if he doesn't feel that you are worth putting some effort into then you don't want him anyway. | |
12-17-2007, 05:52 PM | #13 | |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 301
| Quote:
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12-17-2007, 06:03 PM | #14 | |
Luvs Lulu Donating Member | Quote:
At 19 how much debt does he have? I agree that it's nice to be with someone that makes as much money as you do but that is not always the case and you shouldn't let money rule your life like that. Over the years hubby and I have made changes to our careers so we have had income fluxes. That doesn't bother me at all. I just personally can't and won't be with a man with no ambition but I don't care what he does for a living as long as he does something. The neediness and not taking into consideration your personal situation does send up a big flag for me. Seems very selfish and like he will be a very possessive person and I don't like people like that. Part of being in a relationship is trusting. While he jokes about which ex etc you were hanging out with he means that. Especially being as you have told him it bothers you and yet he still continues to bring that up. I have seen girls start out with boyfriends like that and they progress into more and it gets a bit scary. If I were you seeing as your currently career minded I would date around. I would not waste my time on him. You will see as you get a bit older and enter different phases in your life you will meet people that match those levels. Right now I think you should concentrate on school and see how things go. I think if you don't date a few people you can't really honestly know what you want in a mate. There is a little experimenting that goes on in relationships and you learn what you can and cant' live with or without. I am not saying you have to date a lot of people but your young so don't limit yourself. I have a little sister your age and some nieces and nephews not that far behind. I have given them the same advice that I have shared with you. Good luck. If you were my sister asking me about this situation I would tell you to get rid of him and keep it moving.
__________________ Lulu will always be in my heart | |
12-17-2007, 06:05 PM | #15 |
Donating YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Charlotte,nc
Posts: 1,976
| You may only be 19 years old but you sound like a VERY smart girl!!! Most 19 year olds wouldn't even recognize all his issues BUT you see them ALL!!!! This is my opinion: The hug & kissing thing says that he is very insecure. The jealousy issue also says he is insecure. The debt issues says he is very irresponsible. No job says he is lazy. I love the fact that your education is so important to you!! But he sounds right the opposite of you... he has no interest in his education or working!!! Please, please move on!!!! One day you are going to have a college degree and a great job ....he is going to be uneducated and unemployed!!! You deserve so much better!!!! Like I said, you are a smart girl...I think you know what you need to do!!!!! Best of luck....keep us posted!!!!!!!!
__________________ Rhonda, Buddy-licious and Sammie |
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