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Old 11-16-2007, 10:54 AM   #1
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Default What is a non hurtful way to tell someone

to leave you alone? DH's friend, E, was dating C, who is also DH's ex. Well, C broke up with E. I was relieved to hear this until E started driving us crazy. He is OBSESSED with winning her back. He calls us constantly and she is all he talks about - going over and over everything she said. the WAY she said it, and what she could have possibly meant by it. He sent Mike 132 text messages yesterday and they were ALL about her and what he could do to get her back. Mike finally had to turn his phone off.

It is to the point that it is starting to affect our marriage. Mike leaves for work at 4:30am. He doesn't get home until 8:30pm. The kids and I have about an hour with him and then its time for the kids to go to bed, and he has to go to bed as well to be up and out the door the next morning. Well, the past few weeks E has started calling when Mike gets home. Now, I don't have a problem with him calling, I have a problem with him calling EVERY night because that takes Mike's time away from me and the kids. Mike does his best to get off the phone with him. In fact he flat out tells him he has to go because he has to read to the kids or spend time with me or whatever. He will hang up the phone and E will call back 10 or 15 minutes later! Now we ALWAYS check the caller ID before we answer and a couple of times E figured it out and blocked his number.

Its also really getting on Mike's nerves and making him snappy and short tempered and he has bitten my head off as well as the kids' heads off a few times.

We had a long talk about it last night and agreed that we both care about E. We both loves him to pieces and consider him family, but this has GOT TO STOP. Neither of us want to hurt E's feelings but he is seriously irritating the pee out of both of us, especially Mike.

It is so bad that Mike asked me if it would be OK if he just went to one of our local parks and walked and cleared his head by himself tomorrow. Well, somehow E found out he was going and asked if he could tag along. Mike said he really wanted to be alone. However, now he has decided to go to a different park than the one E thinks he is going to because he is worried E may just show up.
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Old 11-16-2007, 11:00 AM   #2
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Sounds like a soap.....would it be bad to just tell him to grow up and get a life? Seriously....if he is a good guy...tell him that there are lots of other people out there that would be sooo much better for him......

Good luck with the drama!
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Old 11-16-2007, 11:04 AM   #3
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Sounds like a soap.....would it be bad to just tell him to grow up and get a life? Seriously....if he is a good guy...tell him that there are lots of other people out there that would be sooo much better for him......

Good luck with the drama!
I'm afraid thats what its going to come down to. I hate the thought of hurting his feelings, but he is acting like a crazy man. He really needs to get over it already. I think at this point, he doesn't even remember WHY he wants her back. I think its just about getting her back and "winning". He is so bad, that if I were C, I would seriously consider a restraining order.
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Old 11-16-2007, 11:18 AM   #4
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It sounds like E is heartbroken, and that's all he can think about right now (obviously) but unfortunatly he's not realize how it's affecting your husband and you. I would just sit down with him and talk with him so he knows why you guys can't talk to him every 5mins about the situation. Maybe he has no idea Since you guys are really close, I'm sure he'll understand, just don't be mean about it because he's already vulnerable.
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Old 11-16-2007, 11:33 AM   #5
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Being that I have been divorced......and the reason I divorced were many....but, what it boiled down to.....is my total dislike for my ex.

I suggest that your husband just tell his friend...."You know what I divorced C, I've since remarried and she and my children are my #1 concern, even though you're my good friends, I just prefer that we don't even speak of C"

He needs to be honest with his friend, tell him that this is affecting your marriage and family life
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Old 11-16-2007, 11:39 AM   #6
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Being that I have been divorced......and the reason I divorced were many....but, what it boiled down to.....is my total dislike for my ex.

I suggest that your husband just tell his friend...."You know what I divorced C, I've since remarried and she and my children are my #1 concern, even though you're my good friends, I just prefer that we don't even speak of C"

He needs to be honest with his friend, tell him that this is affecting your marriage and family life
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Old 11-16-2007, 11:48 AM   #7
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Mike HAS told him that. He will stop for a few minutes, then before you know it here we go again.

I'm afraid its going to have to come down to us just not speaking to him for a little while and I hate to have to do that.

He really is driving us both crazy though. I feel sorry for Mike because he has to listen to it WAY more than I do.
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Old 11-16-2007, 12:54 PM   #8
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dont answer the phone,, he will get the hint... tell your family and friends to
ring once hang up and call back and you will know its them...
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Old 11-16-2007, 01:00 PM   #9
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we had a friend like that after he broke up with his ex all we heard about was her until we finally said nicely im sorry but shes not in our life anymore & we would like for you to not talk about her anymore to us we really want to put her behind us & he now only talks about it once in a while
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Old 11-16-2007, 02:59 PM   #10
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We had the exact same problem. A neighbor and his wife split up after about 16 years of marriage. The strange thing was they both stayed in the house until it sold!!!!! But every night we would come to our house!!!!!!!! He was a great cook and he would cook us dinner & everything!!!! He was sweet as sugar and he was so heartbroken over his ex so all he wanted to do was talk about her. It got sooooo old but my DH and I just put up with it for months!!!! Finally, his house sold and he moved ....he also met someone.
Soooooo.....I know I am not being very helpful b/c we had the same problem and NEVER said a word to our friend.....we just couldn't b/c he was already so sad.
Hopefully, E can meet someone else and this would help him to get over her.
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Old 11-16-2007, 03:26 PM   #11
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During that hour you have with your husband, I wouldn't answer the phone for anybody - that is precious family time & no one is worth the interruption.

I agree fully with what Mardelin posted, and if that's not working then your husband needs to tell E, if you start talking about her again I will hang up & then follow thru. No empty threats. E is hurting, acknowledge that but set boundaries. People do not trespass where the boundaries are firm & they realize the conversation won't continue.

E sounds a bit out of his mind. I can't imagine how you or your husband have put up with constant conversation about his ex. Let him now you don't want to ostracize him, but that you have to take care of yourselves.
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Old 11-16-2007, 03:35 PM   #12
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I have NEVER known E to act like this. He just turned into a scary psycho person. I told Mike I didn't want him to visit us for a while and he agreed. He is at a point where neither one of us trust him very much right now.

I hope he gets over this soon. Mike and I both miss our friend.
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Old 11-16-2007, 03:42 PM   #13
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I'm sorry that's a hard one. Based off the behavior you explained I don't think there is a nice way, because it seems you've tried that route and he's not getting it.

Your DH is giong to have to be blunt and tell him point blank he's got to knock it off and move one, he's driving everyone nuts.

Good luck.
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Old 11-16-2007, 07:43 PM   #14
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wow that sux i hope everything works out. I would just flat out tell him stop calling! lol Srry im not much help
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:47 AM   #15
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I think I may have good news! He called DH this morning and said he is seriously considering going back to South Carolina because he knows as long as he stays here he won't be able to leave C alone.

What's in SC you ask? Well his WIFE of course. Turns out they did NOT get divorced, were just separated and he has decided to go back. I asked Mike two questions. 1) If he goes back does that mean he's her problem? (Mike said YES so then I asked my second question) 2) Does he need help packing his stuff?

Cross your fingers and say a prayer PLEASE. There is a good chances he's leaving TOMORROW.

Don't get me wrong, I really am going to miss him. I just can't deal with his crazy psycho drama stuff anymore.
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