Alternatives to AA?

[SladesMommy]

I'm hoping someone here might have some suggestions.

One of my best friends is an alcoholic. I love Leigh to pieces, but its so very obvious to me that she has a problem (she's 22), she keeps it hid well from her family and some other people. She'll go through a week or two where she doesn't drink or only has one or two, then we'll go out and she'll get so drunk she doesn't remember the night. Sometimes she just sits at home by herself and drink a 12 pk. She has had so many problems from her drinking and after each big thing she says she wants help, but then always goes back to her old ways. She has had some nights that she probably has come close to dying.

The thing is she doesn't believe in God and has been to a few AA meetings but without her believing in God, she doesn't think they'll work. Plus she described them as very "cultish" feeling.

She is a really sweet person and the kind you would never guess has a problem with drinking... makes good grades, holds down a job, etc.

She hasn't had the best family life and it seems as if everytime things are going good, something else bad happens.

I really think she could benefit from an inhouse type thing where she is able to go to for a month or so and get away from everything and get some counseling and help. But every place I've looked up is mega bucks, which neither Leigh or her family can afford. Do any of these places offer "schlorships" of some sort. Its really sad that poor ppl can't get help.

Does anybody have any type of suggestions? I want to help her, I just don't know how.

[twalla]

From experience, in most cases, she is going to have to want to help herself before she will let anyone else help her.

I will do some checking tomorrow if I can find anything.

You might call the local AA and see if they can recommend something as well.

You are a good friend for wanting to help her.

[SladesMommy]

Thanks, I'll try calling AA and see if they know of any other programs. I didn't think of that.

I'm pretty sure she really does want help, she has said she does many times and does try to stop, but just never stops for too long.

[Tiggerwit]

She definately needs to get treatment. I would suggest that she admit herself somewhere. However, the problem is that unless she knows she has a problem and SHE WANTS help, then there's nothing you can do. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Does she have insurance? They may cover it.

[scrapindee]

Call your local county mental health dept. and ask for the drug/alcohol program case manager for referrals.

[SladesMommy]

She doesn't have insurance that I know of. In fact I'm almost certain she doesn't cause she usually won't go to the doctor even if she is really sick and based on the jobs her parents do,, I don't think they would have insurance that covers her either.

I *think* if a free/cheap in patient place could be found that she would check herself in. I know she has looked for some, and so have I.
The only ones I've found in GA that have financial aid are all near atlanta and only serve the counties up there.

Her cycle of abuse is she'll have a major happening - for example - falling down and blackening her eye and scratching up her face and NOT remembering the next day what the heck happened, even after we have told her no memories will come back according to her. Then after something bad or embarrassing has happened she'll do really good for a few wks not drink (at least I don't see her drinking) and really try to find and get help, then she'll convince herself (and try to convince me) that it was a one time thing.. she was just upset that her boyfriend brokeup with her, guys were buying her drinks so she wasn't keeping up with how much she'd had, etc and that it won't happen again. Then she'll start drinking some at her apartment but not drinking out, then she'll start drinking out again and lately the past few times we have gone out it has been a disaster. So much so, that I have refused to continue going out with her.

Its at the point i'm tired of dealing with her BUT I know if I don't help her, no one will because it seems to me that no one else will recognize she has a problem.

[BubblPopElectrc]

I don't know if I'd go as far as saying she can't be helped because she doesn't believe in God (tons of people do just fine in life without believing in a God, believe it or not.), but that's just me and an entirely different subject..

Anyway, is she in college? Often times there are centers at college that can help deal with these type of things.

[AVERYxo]

you are a good friend for helping her. i know its probably hard..but its for the best!!
its so true..she has to realize she has a problem, before she can even begin to get past it. thats why alot of people need the in-patient programs..so they are able to deal with the underlying issues that are causing them hurt and/or anger, etc. There are so many different factors that go along with addiciton..and i think it is so wonderful that you are able to be the strength your friend needs, and help her out. i give you major props for that-

im not exactly sure, how you go about paying for it..and all that stuff.. i do know how expensive they all are!! but its something that NEEDS to be done..so i would think there would be programs or facilities that offer it at a lower cost or that even offer 'grant'-type things. if for some reason, i can find out any info. ill let you know.. good luck. and ill keep you guys in my prayers. xo.

[grayxie]

I agree with everyone else in that she needs to "want to be helped". If possible try to find an addiction specialist in your area. They may be able to get to the "root" of her problem and lead her to resolving it.

[tjdmom]

In AA they talk about a higher power whatever that means to each of us. To some of us, that's God. I think it can be alot of help to her and honestly not sure if anything else will. I hope she isn't making excuses..... Good luck with her - you are a good friend, I hope you can help.

[nvnvgirl]

I feel sorry for you and for her too. I have a sister who is a recovering alcholic and I can't even tell you what she (we) went thru for so long. She hid her drinking so well and her family (husband and kids) hid it too, that we never knew how bad it really was until she almost killed herself. She lost jobs, couldn't get a job, totalled a car in the middle of the day, had her license revoked and so on and on....it was AWFUL. But the worst thing was that I was so afraid that I was going to lose my sister who I loved so much to something that had such a strong hold on her that she wouldn't listen to anyone. We talked to "experts" (I worked at a hospital that had a substance abuse program, but I worked in the ICU, so knew nothing about it), staged an "intervention" which still gives my mom nightmares. It was HORRIBLE. My sister unwillingly went thru a 28 day inpatient program and came back home only to immediately start drinking again (if she really ever stopped). She went thru another program and another. None of them worked and she was lucky that she had great insurance thru her husband's job. She finally, somewhere along the line, got tired of feeling the way she did and she stopped drinking on her own. I don't know how she did it, but she did. I guess you just have to be at that point where you hate where you're at, and commit to doing something about it. I don't know of any free, or even low cost programs though. Even if she got into trouble, and a court sent her to a county or city run program, you still have to pay for those. I don't know how they work it, but I have a friend who was ordered to one (it was basically there or spend a couple of years in jail) and he had to pay as he went along. He did great I think in it though. AA isn't for everyone and you don't have to believe in God per se; you just have to believe in a "higher power" I think. I pray that your friend sees that she's being self destructive and does something to change her life for the better now while she's young and not waste her life or make decisions she'll regret for the rest of her life. You're a good friend to be so concerned, but she's got to want it for herself. Good luck!

Originally Posted by SladesMommy

She doesn't have insurance that I know of. In fact I'm almost certain she doesn't cause she usually won't go to the doctor even if she is really sick and based on the jobs her parents do,, I don't think they would have insurance that covers her either.

I *think* if a free/cheap in patient place could be found that she would check herself in. I know she has looked for some, and so have I.
The only ones I've found in GA that have financial aid are all near atlanta and only serve the counties up there.

Her cycle of abuse is she'll have a major happening - for example - falling down and blackening her eye and scratching up her face and NOT remembering the next day what the heck happened, even after we have told her no memories will come back according to her. Then after something bad or embarrassing has happened she'll do really good for a few wks not drink (at least I don't see her drinking) and really try to find and get help, then she'll convince herself (and try to convince me) that it was a one time thing.. she was just upset that her boyfriend brokeup with her, guys were buying her drinks so she wasn't keeping up with how much she'd had, etc and that it won't happen again. Then she'll start drinking some at her apartment but not drinking out, then she'll start drinking out again and lately the past few times we have gone out it has been a disaster. So much so, that I have refused to continue going out with her.

Its at the point i'm tired of dealing with her BUT I know if I don't help her, no one will because it seems to me that no one else will recognize she has a problem.

[marycrank83]

Sometimes Interventions work. The library has great books on doing an intervention where you gather those who love and care about her and basically surprise her. You will need to have in patient and out patient programs to back up the intervention and usually you can get a clergy to help with this for free but ask for him/her to leave out religion. You would have to do a ton of work to gather info and people. I tried it with my ex....he did get help and quit for a year but relapsed. Finally after too many DUI's he was required to inpatient help and went to a great facility in Florida. But they usually MUST hit rock bottom before wanting help. good luck---you are a great friend!

[LuvMySissy]

I would highly recommend an outpatient intensive program. Look specifically for those words. They are generally run by psychotherapists who will look beyond the alcoholism into the psychological issues that are exacerabting it. These programs are less expensive than inpatient, but work just as well if she can handle the not drinking on her own. They are not AA based so there usually won't be talk of God.

Generally only those programs that are state or federally funded will offer a sliding fee scale for the uninsured, but that only helps if you have no $ coming in at all. But, the investment in her health and wellbeing should be worth it.