4 months on: still crying - Did I love Lucy too much?

[moon_struck]

We had our sweet little Lucy girl PTS c.4 months ago (she was 16.5 years, multiple health issues, so very frail and poorly). At the time I was an inconsolable wreck and so distressed by how the vet euthanized her (at home), it wasn't what we were expecting.

Four months on and some days I still find myself overwhelmed with grief.

Painful as it is - and I know I shouldn't do this - I hold and inhale one of her bed blankets, wanting to feel her again. Recently I dreamt about her and woke up weeping and was tearful the whole day.

I am a mature woman, I should be able to rationalise and get my emotions under control. She lived a long life, we are so grateful for that.

Did I love her too much - am I mad? I still can't seem to let go or move on. Does anybody else feel like this. Please tell me it's not just me.

Thanks for listening.

x

[Scoobstersmom]

Moon Struck,

There are no rules for getting through the stages of grief. Everyone grieves differently. Four months is not a long time to still be feeling a tremendous loss. Bless you for giving your baby the final gift of relief from her pain, but I am so sorry for your loss.

Diana

[lisaly]

It's not just you. Our babies are a member of our family, and they take a piece of our hearts when they leave us. I can promise you that they always remain our hearts, and it will get easier. There will come a time that the powerful feelings of love and the happy, beautiful memories will overpower the sad ones. When I lost my last little girl, Ashley, close to her seventeenth birthday, I read a touching passage that helped me. I have posted it before, and I posted it for you now, hoping it helps you, too. I also posted a link about pet loss that I read not long ago. I read through every one of the comments, and if you can handle it, so should you. You will see you are now alone. Here on YT, we can also help you cope with your loss.

I still miss Ashley terribly and also her sisters who she joined at the Rainbow Bridge, and I know I always will. I was sad for so long, and my husband and I couldn't adjust to not sharing our lives and love with a dog. Almost two years later, our Katie joined our family, and she brought the life and laughter back to our home and hearts. I hope someday you will consider that. Each one of our babies are so unique and special, and one can't replace another. However, our hearts are capable of loving completely again, and our babies do so much to wipe our tears away.

I don't believe you can ever love too much. I believe the far greater loss would to have not loved at all. Love lasts forever, and it enriches our lives, even when it causes us pain. From the deep losses I've experienced in my life comes also with love so brilliant, pure, and everlasting. I carry my loved ones deep in my heart, and this love sustains me. It is my wish that Lucy's love sustains you through the darkness and the pain and also helps to bring you light and warmth. I'm very sorry for your loss.

On Losing a Dog – Phenomena: Only Human

Living Love
If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember...

The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend. You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder. Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking mutt in a shelter--simply because something in its eyes reached your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room--and when you feel it brush against you for the first time--it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.

The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later. It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your long-time friend and see age where you once saw youth. You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep where you once saw activity. So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet--and you may add a pill or two to her food. And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness. And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.

And on this day--if your friend and God have not decided for you, then you will be faced with making a decision of your own--on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you---you will feel as alone as a single star in the dark night. If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you. But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years, you may find that a soul--a bit smaller in size than your own---seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come. And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg--very very lightly. And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lay---you will remember those three significant days. The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart---As time passes the ache will come and go as it has a life of its own. You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you. If you reject it, it will depress you. If you embrace it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when---along with the memory of your pet---and piercing through the heaviness in your heart---there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization takes the form of a Living Love---like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this love will remain and grow--and be there for us to remember. It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our beloved pets--it is a love that we will always possess.

~ Written by Martin Scot Kosins ~
Author of "Maya's First Rose"

[moon_struck]

Diana and Lisa - thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for your kind, profound words which have really helped me - will keep referring to this, when I'm having dark days.

We have lost two dogs before, this time though I have not coped. Right now I could never love another as (totally irrationally) I still want only Lucy, but time will tell ...

Thank you again.

x

[gemy]

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.'

This was one quote posted for me when I lost my Zoey it gave me comfort along with the one Lisaly posted.

Grief is a strange thing - it winds its way quite unpredictably through each person.

Sometimes we find solace in gathering our pics or our vids and creating a permanent memento to our special dog that we lost.

Sometimes journals help. And sometimes just coming here to share your pain that many of us understand will help.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs to you}}}}}}}

[matese]

When I had to put down my 17 y/o girl the pain in my heart was overwhelming, she was not my first baby that left for rainbow bridge, it never gets easier. I said the very same thing "did I just love her to much". It's been 2 years she is gone and I still cry for her even tho I do have an adopted boy, she was my heart. I love my little guy, he took me from a very dark place, he helped me heal, he made my HOUSE a HOME again, he RESCUED me. I pray one day you can open your heart to another fur baby, no pup can ever take the place of your little Lacy they all are very unique in their own way. ((((HUGS)))))

[Scoobstersmom]

Moon Struck,

I am sorry that Lucy's last moments were not what you expected. The loss is so huge. We make that last sad decision for our pets in order to end their suffering and bring them peace so I hope that is what happened for Lucy. I have had to let two go - both over 16 years old and raised by me since puppies - in the past two years. Both times it was a calm, peaceful and almost spiritual experience for me and for them. I was very sad, but felt comforted as well. And I still miss them, but I know I will see them again.

I believe that when the time is right you will be able to open your heart and your home to another precious furbaby. We have two new sets of tiny feet pitter-pattering through our house now. Our Lucy is a three year old little toy poodle (named Lucy for her red hair) that was a rescue our vet placed with us after she was caught up in a raid of pups being smuggled across the border from Mexico. She's an amazing little girl. We also have our Ranger, who is also a rescue and a giant teapot yorkie at around 14 pounds. I was at the shelter dropping off some medical supplies to donate shortly after we lost our Scooby, and met a lady in the parking lot that was there to surrender Ranger because she said he had grown too big for her to manage. Well, he got surrendered that day, right into the backseat of my car.

We didn't go looking, and had no intention either time of adopting another dog but we were open to the love they brought into our home. Neither are replacements for Scooby and Peaches (the babies we lost), but they've found their own spots in our heart. When the time is right for you, a few little friend will find you too.

Hugs,

Diana

[misskate]

So blessed to have had your little one for many years. Mine died at 10 and I still dream of her. Last night I dreamt she was cuddling in the big pocket in my robe. I could really feel her so close. Do we ever forget?

[moon_struck]

Thank you all for your replies and kind words - I am sorry that you are also experiencing the pain of loss.

In the recent dream I was holding her in my arms which I hadn't been able to do for a long time due to her heart condition. I can't look at her little box of ashes without my stomach dropping.

I learnt a beautiful new word recently (hope you can read the thumbnail).

Saudade: A deep emotional state of nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that has been loved and then lost "the love that remains". Origin: Portuguese.
**********

Think we all know about that - the love that remains ...

x

[Shicks]

So very sorry. We lost our sweet little boy almost 2 years ago. I was beside myself for ever. I can't describe the emptiness in me. He was only 1 week into his 7th birthday. I felt very robbed, alone, sad, mad, afraid, anxious, and the lists goes on. I was in misery. I went on with my daily activities on automatic no feeling.
13 months later we had our little Ruger. He has been sent from heaven to us from our deceased one. He has kept me so busy I can't think of anything else.
I have portraits all over my house of our passed baby and just now I can look at them and smile and talk with him.
So for me, it took getting another baby to fix myself.
I couldn't begin to tell how long I would have been a basket case.
Prayers for your healing.

[moon_struck]

Thanks Shicks for your kind words. Think I'm definitely in the Basket Case Zone. Just hoping it will ease with time. I have to go back to working full time so for now we can't think about adopting, just living on memories. If there is a next time, we've already decided to go for a rescue(s).

I hope in time I can post on the other threads offering support.

Oh, you are so right - yorkies make us happy.

x

[Opium88]

It's been over a year now and I still cry over Marley like it happened yesterday. So no...you didn't love her too much. You just still love her. And thats ok. If it makes you feel closer to her then cry. I feel that they can feel us when we think of them. It's ok to miss her as hard and as intense as she deserves.

[moon_struck]

Thanks Opium88 for your kind words. Sorry that you're in a similar sad situation.

I find it does help to weep, release the tension. I can look at photographs and videos now, but only for a short period of time. Sometimes I think I may have been obsessed with her!

You know how it is - you miss that cute face so much, the whole physicality, the beany eyes, sweet little mouth, lovely ears. Your stomach sometimes drops when you think of the finality of it all.

Not sure I could go through the pain again with another.

x

[Opium88]

I thought the same thing. And now I have 2 more since then. When it's a tragedy that takes them, ... especially a tragedy that could have been avoided in my case, it rakes your soul and hurts twice as much because it's laden with guilt and self loathing. But i eventually came to terms with the fact that she truly was gone and no amount of sadness , tears, or remorse was going to change that. And only then did her memory start to make me smile again, and I realized that she was worth it. And i wanted another reason to smile. So I used Izzy being lonely as my excuse to get Toby. And then I got little Madlyn. And I still get sad sometimes of course. But I couldn't imagine life without all the joy they bring...even knowing how much it's going to hurt when it's their time to go. Remember, all those beautiful little souls want the entire time they're here is to please you and make you happy and be loved. Do you really think that changes just because their body isn't holding their spirit? The last thing they'd want is to be the reason for your sadness. So even when your sad try remembering things that made you smile and eventually you really will.

[missmybabygirl]

Moon Struck
I'm so sorry you lost your Lucy. I lost my little Teddi girl 2 weeks ago suddenly and I cry every day. I haven't moved her bed nor any of her toys. I havent even had the hospital do anything with her body yet. Just knowing that she is...somewhere, helps.
I am working on a photo album of all her pictures and will include my favorite poems about pet loss (which I won't include here because I will start crying again ).
I don't think it's possible to love a pet too much. It makes the grieving process unbearable, but the loving memories and smiles it will bring in the future, are worth it.
I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I read a book called Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates which gave me some comfort. (My son woke up inconsolable because he dreamt we went to Heaven to visit Teddi and we searched and searched but couldn't find her....led me to search out more spiritual books).
To keep me from going crazy, I have filled my time searching for a new fur baby. He arrives Thursday!
Hang in there. I feel your pain.