Question about Recent Euthanasia

[ClaudianPhoebe]

It has been a little over two weeks since losing my best friend Phoebe. We gave her the gift of a pain free life on January 5. If you haven't read my post, please feel free. It was only a month ago (a little more) that we definitively found out she has a tumor taking up her entire liver. She started showing some signs over a year ago:

1. potbelly
2. increased huger- i am talking famished all the time
3. wetting the bed while she was sleeping
4. increased urination / increased thirst
5. thinking of the hair (only a few months ago)

When she got really sick in late August and was near death due to bloody stools, vomiting and dehydration, they diagnosed her with possible kidney failure although her protein was on the low end of high. Her electrolytes though were off the charts- especially the potassium/mag and very low calcium. She bounced back, my little fighter and a for a few months, she was almost back to normal except i noticed a loss in stamina, but she was 13.5 and I just figured old age/arthritis. December 9, she started to show signs again, but different this time, eating, but a little more fussy, more lethargic (as in not always greeting me at the door) and increased ab sign. Took her to the vet and they thought possible spleen cancer and she should be euthanized. Again, she bounced back a little and was eating that fried chicken liver like nobody's business. however, her interest in going for walks went away. Finally, on 12/23 I took her for a second opinion and they diagnosed her with a liver tumor. Their news was not only earth shattering but also troubling because they indicated that some of these liver tumors grow very slowly and take a year and sometimes longer- see symptoms that started over a year ago (which i had been talking to her vet about and they confirmed no diabetes, no thyroid...probably just old age....REALLY? Think again, Vet #1). Anyway, second vet recommended that i not euthanize her if she was still interested in eating, able to walk and relieve herself in the right spot (now her pee pad vs. the grass outside). So we did (gladly). However, Phoebe's fate took a turn for the worse on January 1 when she said NO to scrambled eggs and bacon. I knew this was the start of her downfall. she quickly declined and began tumbling out of her bed to get water and relieve herself, couldn't walk, would stare at the floor with her head buried down in the pillow or at the wall. she no longer expressed interest in anyone, including me. I still caressed her, slept with her and tried to make her comfortable as I knew that she still could feel my love as she began to lose touch with the world. On January 5, we set her free at about 12:20 p.m. My question is about how quickly she died. I have heard numerous times, that they don't go quickly and jerk or "fight" it. Basically, i could see Phoebe fading after the first sedation shot, the life just went away in her eyes and within seconds of her second injection, she died. I am guessing she went so quickly because she was tired and had been fighting illness for God knows how long. I am glad it went fast but am also feeling a little guilty now because she must have been ravaged with this tumor and even though she only started rapidly declining on January 1, I wonder how sick she was all along. Or maybe cancer does this...it takes them away quickly and ferociously. I am also mad at myself because I should have pushed Vet #1 when i started noticing these symptoms over a year ago. I actually thought it could be Cushings...classic symptoms, but they assured me unlikely and maybe it wasn't since she did have a liver tumor or maybe she had multiple things. Can Cushings lead to a liver tumor if left untreated? so many questions that will remain unanswered. I do know that i gave her a wonderful life and I am sure she knew how much I loved her...maybe why she held on and bounced back for her mamma,not once, but twice. I miss her everyday and have hung a huge canvas photo directly across from my bed so that every morning I see her and every night i say sweet dreams...must like when she was on earth. Totally, miss our routines and even though i have two wonderful children and am quite busy working a FT job, there is still a hole in my life right now. Another great thing I did this weekend was submit a letter to Phoebe through the website "A Letter to My Dog". They published a best seller a few years ago and still publish letters online. I am hoping to see my letter published soon. It was very comforting to do that. I wish I would have come up with that idea. I hope you all experiencing the loss of a wonderful yorkie in your life can comfort soon.

[Juliealfies mum]

I'm so sorry for your loss of you sweet Phoebe, it clear that you loved her dearly. It is quite a normal part of the grieving process to start second guessing everything.
As for her going quickly , I have found that the norm when going through this heartbreaking process, find some comfort in the fact that she went so peacefully , and try to accept that you did as much as you could for her. It is a long process in grieving for your little one that you cared for daily through her life.

[GrammyNina]

I had to put our black lab down two years ago, she was an angel and I still miss her. They only gave her one shot and I was holding her and talking in her ear while they gave it to her, she just sort of relaxed and then was gone. So sorry you are going thru this, I know how bad it hurts to lose a loved one.

[Doodlebug]

I am so sorry you lost your baby. I think it is normal to look back and ask yourself questions about how you handled things. The important thing is to look ahead instead of back and know that you did everything you could for your baby. You did everything right. Don't look back. Hugs. Your baby is at peace now and pain free.

[joyce evans]

First of all I am so so sorry for you loss. I had to let go of 2 of my non-yorkie babies due to cancer. The first one, my sweet Jasmine on October 19, 2014 whom I had taken to the vet to let go and Bisquit my baby boy on December 1, 2014 whom I had the vet come to my house to have it done. It went very fast. After going through it with Jasmine I had to say goodbye to my sweet boy and then let my husband take over. When all was said and done I wished for just a few more seconds with each of them. I still miss them so terribly bad each and every day. I have plenty of pictures and have bought frames so I can see them on the fireplace each day but I haven't been able to bring myself to print them out just yet. My heart is still just so heavy so it will take me more time. I have 7 other dogs and they keep me pretty busy loving them. They help lessen the pain. I have not totally decided on what I'm doing for Bisquit and Jasmine to honor them but I will do something soon. Hugs!

[yorkiemom76]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had to have my 15 year old boy euthanized in September. I know what a terrible decision that is to have to make. I work at a vet clinic and unfortunately have had to assist with many euthanasias. Whether or not the dog fights it and how quickly they go varies from dog to dog and how the vet chooses to do the procedure. I work with 4 vets and some of them sedate the pet first and some don't. In my opinion it's more peaceful when they sedate first which it sounds like they did with your girl. I don't know what drugs your vet used but with the ones we use, after they give the sedative, they are totally relaxed and don't know what is going on anymore and the drug they use to euthanize, works within seconds. I know it's not much of a comfort but it sounds like your girl went very peacefully. Please don't feel guilty, you did the best you could for her. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.

[ClaudianPhoebe]

Thanks for all the kind words. I am glad she went fast and peacefully.
I also appreciate knowing that it varies for each animal. I know I did what I could and offered her a wonderful life...just a little annoyed that her vet didn't look beyond "it's probably kidney failure or it could be spleen cancer" that's a lot of coulds and probablies. Xo

[joyce evans]

You are so right! My girl started with a tooth that was extracted in March. I never thought about cancer in her mouth. It was after her tooth was extracted that she ended up back at the vet for diagnosis. I thought she would be fine and pain free but that was not the case. It happens to people too!

[BorderKelpie]

I am sorry. I know this is a painful time for you. What you are experiencing is a normal part of the grieving process.

You did nothing wrong. You knew something wasn't right and did what you could to fix it. Liver cancer is not an easy fix if it can be fixed at all. What you did was offer her the comfort and love that she wanted and needed. You also made the sacrifice to let her go when all was said and done. You did not make her hang on for your own selfish reasons.

I hope in time, your broken heart will heal as much as a broken heart possibly can. But, in the mean time, allow yourself to grieve without guilt. Maybe possibly find a pet loss support group, too.

Hugs to you.

[Shicks]

Omg do I know what you are going through. I could barely read your post with tears running down my face. So very sorry. Don't fell bad I cry everyday after right at two yrs. of loosing my baby.

[KazzyK810]

"My question is about how quickly she died. I have heard numerous times, that they don't go quickly and jerk or "fight" it. Basically, i could see Phoebe fading after the first sedation shot, the life just went away in her eyes and within seconds of her second injection, she died."

That's how it was with my Chelsea. I'd never had a pet put to sleep before. I didn't realize how incredibly quick it would be. She was gone in 2-3 seconds.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[ukeka]

So sorry for your loss.

[Susan78]

This is one of the hardest things to go through especially having to see our little one put to sleep. I also had lots of questions but they are gone in a couple seconds. You are a great mom and you did the right thing. Of course all these things will go through your mind like what if or should I have or how come. I am sorry for your loss but each day will get better very slowly. Susan

[Kate]

I know what you are goong through. I had my litttle girl put to sleep on 1/16/15. She became ill so quickly. The vet gave her a shot to try to help with the fluid in her lungs. He said it will either work in two hours, or it won't.

I live close to the vet and took her home, thinking she would be more comfortable at home. It got very bad, so I took her right back to the vet.

Her breathing had changed drastically. When he euthanized her, he only gave her one shot as her pulse was hardly there. I have never gone through this before, and she was gone in seconds. From what I could see thru my tears, she looked very peaceful.

I know what you are going through, and my heart goes out to you.

You have nothing to feel quilty about.

Kate

[shaymic]

I get the guilt.

My first 'baby' (not a yorkie) was 12 when I noticed a lump in his belly when I was giving him a haircut. The lump only showed up when he was relaxed and on his back. I took him to the vet and got the "could be a fat lump, he's getting old, small chance it's a tumor on the spleen" but I never got it x-rayed as I had an abusive spouse at the time who refused to spend the extra money on an old dog. The vet was pretty certain that it was just a fat lump though, so I didn't pursue it. 8 months later, he started acting strange one night, like he was weak and dizzy. I had to carry him outside to do his business for a day or 2 then he seemed to recover completely. A few months after that I left him with my parents while we went on vacation, and the day we returned he was not there - 30 min earlier my mom rushed him to the vet as he had completely collapsed. That vet said it was certainly a tumor on his spleen and that he would likely die that day. He said surgery wouldn't save him at this point (my parents offered to pay for it). I took him home and had him put to sleep the next day as he was so weak he couldn't stand up.

He went very quickly and peacefully. One minute he was looking at me and giving me kisses, then he lowered his head, closed his eyes and was gone that quickly.

I often wished I would've pushed to have him x-rayed even though it would've meant a huge fight with aforementioned spouse. Perhaps he could've had surgery and come out of it and had many more years with me. I'll never know, although I was told even before symptoms the type of surgery he needed was a 50/50 chance at best.

My condolences to you.