I just want to die myself

[tutters]

After my Jake got taken to Rainbow Bridge on March 26, the only being I care about anymore is my 3 year old Yorkie girl, Kiri. Otherwise, I just don't want to live, but I won't commit suicide so please don't email me not to do it. I just wish I'd not wake up, expect for Kiri. My non-domestic quasi-partner may have uterine cancer, and she won't see a dr until this Wednesday, so now there's that worrying and terror. And when I paid bills last Friday, I was $200 short so now I'm going to be short out of my tax refund that I set aside to pay a huge sewer repair bill. I can't win. I picked up Jake's ashes this last Saturday and it broke my heart. Then I went to church on Sunday and the pastor preached a sermon about Lazarus, and the whole time he talked about graves and death and decaying bodies. I could hardly sit there because every word was a knife making me hurt for my little Jake. Nothing is any good anymore. I don't see any joy at all in life except for Kiri, and I don't care about anything or enjoy a damn thing. And now I have to worry about my gf possibly having cancer. Everybody I love ends up dying of cancer, and now her and right after Jake died. I just wish I could disappear.

[Mistymillar]

Grief is so very hard to bear. I hope your partner is ok and gets great treatment, stay strong.

[yorkietalkjilly]

Perhaps it is time to seek some professional help, either through pastoral counseling or through someone your doctor suggests. Besides professional help, there are usually pet grief support groups in major cities that regularly meet to support one another when people are having a very hard time dealing with the death of their beloved pet, usually at the same time very many other bad things are going on, kind of throwing them for a loop. In some large cities, 211 will give you your cities Community Services information line and they might be able to give you some phone numbers to call for counseling services. A lot of times, just sitting with someone or a few others who understand and won't judge, talking things out, getting your feelings and fears out, can make a huge difference. Knowing that people around you care and want to help will in turn help you feel a little more hopeful.

Life gets awfully grim but people made it through terrible tragedies in their lives, multiple deaths and horrible injuries, illnesses, through wars, loss of homes and all they owned, their pets, property and worse, and somehow prevailed. All it took to get through it all was the will and hope to move forward until life begins to get better again. And, if you hang in there and reach for help, it will get better.

I've lived a long time, been through hell at times, but always came through the valleys somehow but it's never easy - it take grit and determination that somehow you will, above all, make it. And when you do, turn around and help others having hard times and succor them with your new understanding of what "down" feels like. But for now, it sounds as if you need some more professional help and support to to get yourself over the hump. We all get to this point at some time or another.

[kjc]

Praying for you...

[jp4m2]

I feel the despair in your post, it sounds like your in a very dark place and rightly so. I will have you in my thoughts, I hope you find strength & some peace in the coming days.

[yorkiemini]

Geeze, you have really gotten slammed - so sorry - however, you must be there for Kiri. Wouldn't Jake expect you to be there for Kiri? It is such a shame that you had to lost Jake. Prayers for you, Kiri, and your friend.

I agree with others, professional grieving help would be a great idea! Maybe give you some added support/help during this tough time.

[yorkieusa]

My heart really goes out to you. I know sometimes it seems like so many tough things come at us all at once and it never ends. Those are the times that we keep pushing through because of those that depend on us. Just like your little Kiri depends on you. Try to be strong. I know it's easier said than done.

[sassyyorkies]

I'm so sorry about your little precious little Jake. I'm sorry to that you are going through such grief and sorrow. I can relate with your desires to give up but I can also say that this period in your life will change. I lost two of my little yorkie girls one in June and the other just last month two days after we had lost my mother in law. Both of the of our little babies were almost 13yrs. There is hope through it all there is healing with time and it does happen! Your pain and hurt will not last forever. The real message of Lazarus I think would be the love and power that raised him. That was a miracle that happened and they still happen everyday.That same love can do the same thing for you raise you out of this time of despair. Have hope be encouraged by all the people that take it to heart that you are hurting and be strenghtened by the prayers.

[MauiGirl]

I am so sorry you are feeling so down, and have more stressful things to deal with on top of losing Jake. It just all seems to be too much, when any one thing itself would be about all a person could deal with.

I hope that you will be able to hang on to just one little positive thing for now (Kiri), and let healing come, even though it seems way to slow. It just takes time.

Hugs.

[MauiGirl]

Hey Sandy, I am just checking in on you and sending some good thoughts your way. Hope things begin to lighten up for you soon. One day at a time for now.

Warmest Aloha,
Sandy

[yorkietalkjilly]

I, too, am anxious to know how you are doing today. And hoping you found some support, counseling or a grief group there locally. Let your faith and hope in God be your guide through this bad time.

Any news on your partner/friend? I've been praying for good news there.

We're here for you every day, any time you need to talk it out.

[tutters]

Thanks everyone. I'm glad I have little Kiri. My friend goes to the dr tomorrow and will probably have tests. But she keeps saying she knows she has the "big C" which is not helping matters at all. The people on YT are so kind--I wished you all lived close by.
Again thanks.

[yorkietalkjilly]

Originally Posted by tutters

Thanks everyone. I'm glad I have little Kiri. My friend goes to the dr tomorrow and will probably have tests. But she keeps saying she knows she has the "big C" which is not helping matters at all. The people on YT are so kind--I wished you all lived close by.
Again thanks.

Your poor friend is probably terrified and doesn't know what else to do. It sounds as if she could use some professional counseling or pastoral help herself, poor thing, just to help her cope with her terrible dread and fear she's dealing with. It's so awful to face horrible things and have to find a way to get through it. I feel so sorry for her - and for you, Sandy, as you are scared for her. Here's hoping you can both find a way through these fearful and painful times and come out on the other side hopeful and happy again. I, too, wish we lived nearby and could get together and pray, talk it out. Keep us posted. Give Kiri a big hug for being there for you. She's a little trooper.

[Buster Brown]

Thinking of you and your best friend and send hugs and prayers.

[jp4m2]

I was checking in on you.....I hope you friends appt. goes better than she's expecting. Wishing you all the best.