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06-22-2005, 01:22 PM | #1 |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 6,588
| Can't Stop Laughing..hahahaha New Puppy Poem Don't smell crotches, don't eat plants. Don't steal food or underpants. Don't eat my socks, don't grab my hair . . . DON'T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR! Don't eat those peas! Don't touch that bush! Don't chew my shoes ... What IS that mush? Eat your cookie, drink your drink. Outta the toilet! Outta the sink!! AWAY FROM THE CAT BOX, IT'S FOR THE CAT!! (And MUST you kiss me? After that???) Yes, raising a puppy is not for the lazy! Though puppies are funny, they're also quite crazy. But don't despair, though its toil and strife. After 3 years, you'll get back your life! So, let's go for "walkies", you can "do your thing". (And perhaps I'll get back my GOOD DIAMOND RING!) How to Prepare for a Puppy Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark. Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender. Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy and go potty-hurry up now -- come on, let's go." Cover all of your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must have white hair and light suits must have dark. Also, some hair must be in your first cup of morning coffee. Play catch with a wet tennis ball. Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate. Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor, taking care to shred at least one of each pair of socks. (See above.) When the doorbell rings drop your dirty underwear on the living room floor, because that is where the pup will drag it anyway -- after all, company is coming. Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV show and run to the door shouting, "No, NO! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program. Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver. Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and do not try to clean it up until you return from work that evening. Take a warm, cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap. A Day in the Life of a Puppy This morning, I woke up and kissed my dad's head I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed. The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great. Then I thought about breakfast, I hope its not late. Mom took me outside, we walked for a while. This never fails to make mama smile. I sniffed of everything, that we did pass, I ate something weird it gave me gas. I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true. He gave me so many great things to chew. Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care. What I truly like best, is dad's underwear. That obedience book, was sort of yummy. Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy. I threw up a bit, but that was all right. When mom found it later, I was well out of sight. I made streamers of TP, while running at full speed. Mom is pretty quick but I was still in the lead. I flew under the bed and mom flew past, she stopped-shook her head and breathed, You're too fast. Mama later phoned daddy and said, "It was frightening!" That afternoon, she was sure I'd poop lightning. She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord, she thought I was mad, but I was just bored. When mama had enough, couldn't take anymore, that's when my tushy got shoved out the door. I love it inside, but outside is best. Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest. That didn't last long, there was too much to do - Can't quite remember where I hid daddy's shoe. I found an old bone and scratched at an itch, I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree. I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus. I can't figure out why this makes mama fuss. I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind. I barked and barked till mom yelled "COME IN." The sun dipped in the West, soon daddy would come! I sure love my daddy, we always have fun. I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms, I woo-wooed, "Hello" then jumped in his arms. Sitting under the table it's sooo hard to wait. Daddy slipped me a goody right off his plate. I raced through the house, and scattered my toys, ricocheted off the furniture and made lots of noise. Mom found her purse, the one I'd abused. Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused?" I cowered down low, I must be in trouble Dad said, "Was't MY boy, it must be his double!" Mom turned off the TV and said, "Time for bed." Dad said, "Let's go boy" and patted my head. I got in my spot, between mom and dad, I thought about my day and what fun I had. Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below, then let loose a sigh, a sigh deep and low. She gave me a kiss and snuggled me tight, and whispered so softly, "My darling goodnight."
__________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco Last edited by vainchick5; 06-22-2005 at 01:32 PM. Reason: added more stuff |
Welcome Guest! | |
06-22-2005, 01:29 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 972
| I love it!!! Now I gotta e-mail it to everyone I know, lol. |
06-22-2005, 01:29 PM | #3 |
Donating YT 7000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Alabama, etc.
Posts: 9,031
| That was wonderful!! I'd say that pretty much sums it up!!
__________________ Toto's Mom - http://www.dogster.com/?206581 Yorkie Rescue Colorado - http://www.yorkierescuecolorado.com/ "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits." -- Albert Einstein |
06-22-2005, 01:35 PM | #4 |
My Precious Pup Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: New York City
Posts: 2,092
| Very cute Nobella. |
06-22-2005, 01:53 PM | #5 |
Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Ohio
Posts: 123
| Thanks for sharing these. Every one is better than the last. |
06-22-2005, 01:58 PM | #6 |
Owned by Fred Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 1,352
| LOL that's hilarious! |
06-22-2005, 02:04 PM | #7 |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | I loved it - I hadn't seen that one before ...how hilarious Thanks for posting that ! |
06-22-2005, 02:07 PM | #8 |
Proud of my Sully! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beautiful CHARLESTON, S.C.
Posts: 5,454
| I love these!!! I just emailed them to all the dog lovers in my office!!! Thanks for the laughs!
__________________ - - - - - - - - - - - - I love my Sully (the Wonderdog!) |
06-22-2005, 02:36 PM | #9 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 671
| Very funny! I so relate to them!! |
06-22-2005, 02:37 PM | #10 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Ohio
Posts: 113
| AWW!!! I love it. They are soo very cute. That must be whats going through Peanut's head as she runs about the house.
__________________ Peanut & Mandy |
06-22-2005, 03:32 PM | #11 |
and Tucker's too! Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 2,134
| That is great!! That made my day!!!!
__________________ Jessica, Biddy, Tucker & Gertie |
06-22-2005, 03:45 PM | #12 |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 288
| Funny! And, all too true! |
06-22-2005, 04:02 PM | #13 |
Loved by Maddie & Libby Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: North Dakota
Posts: 10,732
| Loved them...they were all tooooo cute! I'm going to save them and print them out! Thanks for a laugh!!! |
06-22-2005, 08:01 PM | #14 |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Rancho Viejo, Tx
Posts: 2,698
| I Loved those. Thank You.
__________________ Buckeye, Ahia, Tressie, Archie & LDenise Dogs are really people with short legs in fur coats |
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