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Old 12-22-2006, 11:04 AM   #1
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Confused Family Feuds.

My boyfriend gave me an early christmas present...an engagement ring!!! He and Monster have resolved all of their issues, and it's just so exciting for our little family. Now, because it's Christmas we had originally intended to go to his family's house. However, they are now saying (when before the issue never arose) that we can't bring Monster. I feel like this is last minute, and no one on his side of the family is offering me an LOGICAL reason why Monster can't come. His sister has a very friendly and fixed Maltese and Monster is young and loves other dogs. There are no babies, and we have a pen so he won't pee anywhere. If she can bring her Maltese, why not my Yorkie?

He says that I'm over reacting, but Monster has anxiety issues when we leave him for a few hours, I don't see how we could possibly leave him for a few days, especially when there is no evidence saying otherwise. I'm so frustrated and angry at the fact that when his family calls me crazy and says "It's just a dog" he doesn't say "Well, why can the other dog come?"

I guess there really is no advice anyone can give me this situation, and I'm more looking for some empathy. Am I over reacting, I have to make sense to someone out there!
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Old 12-22-2006, 11:14 AM   #2
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That's too bad. I would ask them nicely if at all possible could you please bring him. Kill them with kindness.
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Old 12-22-2006, 11:19 AM   #3
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Under those circumstances, with you taking all these precautions, and being nice, if it was me, i would make myself a very merry xmas @ home with my dog, but thats me !
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Old 12-22-2006, 11:21 AM   #4
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I think it's rude to say at the last min. that you can't bring your baby. What if you were going out of town and needed to board him? There is no way you could get a dog boarded at the last min. during the holidays. I would be upset too if they had no logical reason. Now if 90 year old Great Aunt Sally was coming and she was on oxygen and extremely allergic to anythind with fur (dead or alive) and they asked you not to bring the dog...then ok. But there is no Great Aunt Sally, so why no dog?
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Old 12-22-2006, 11:21 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RMKC
Under those circumstances, with you taking all these precautions, and being nice, if it was me, i would make myself a very merry xmas @ home with my dog, but thats me !
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Old 12-22-2006, 12:47 PM   #6
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You'll get a lot of people telling you to put your dog first, so I'll offer another perspective:

I think no matter what, our human relationships have to come first. You don't have to understand or be happy about their choice, just like they apparently don't understand how important your pet is to you.

And ultimately, it's their home, and if your boyfriend/fiance' is important to you, you have to respect their wishes. Sometimes holidays are just chaotic enough without adding to the craziness. Two of the places we're going, I know will be inappropriate to take my dogs to, and they'll be left at home. One place is calm and spacious enough that all THREE will get to go. I think we just have to roll with the punches, and that if WE are willing to, our PETS will learn to as well.

I don't know all the details, but it sounds like there have been some issues with you and your boyfriend...maybe he thinks your dog is too important to you? that you put it before him? And maybe this is something his family is concerned about too. You're in a very tenuous stage of your relationship with ALL of them, where they are still forming opinions of you, and what kind of life their loved one will be able to have with you.

I think that when we are "IN YOUR FACE!!!" with people over our love for our pets, that just gives them more fodder against us. ("She's so crazy...she would rather spend Christmas at home ALONE than leave her dog for two days!")

Think of this as a "test"---PROOVE to them, that yes, you can put canine/human relationships in proper perspective. And then, I bet you anything that next time they'll be more understanding, and won't mind you bringing him along.

Good luck!
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Old 12-22-2006, 12:52 PM   #7
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i plan on taking lexi to my brothers house on christmas day and i have taken her there last christmas too... if my brother calls and asks my mom to tell
me not to bring lexi, then i will not be going either....toooo bad....
thats how i feel.. she is my family and where i go she goes..... then there will
be war..... and im ready for it
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Old 12-22-2006, 12:59 PM   #8
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Call the local pet boarding facilities and check them out for cleanliness
and talk to the staff. You may want to consider leaving the puppy there for a few days to be fed and walked. If not, try a dependable friend or relative to watch him. Like JiggityJig said, it is their home regardless if they have a pet or not. You should respect their wishes and hopefully next time they will let you yorkie come.
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Old 12-22-2006, 01:00 PM   #9
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Mine will be going with me. If they couldn't...then I personally would stay at home. They are going with us to my Mom's and then to my MIL at the nursing home.

I could understand if NO dogs were allowed, but why the sister-in-law and not yours.....?
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Old 12-22-2006, 01:07 PM   #10
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I think what is most difficult for me, is that we adopted Monster together, and when Adam says "Becca, you need to stop thinking about your dog so much" I want to smack him and say "He is OUR dog!"...and then when it comes to him calling me irrational - it's not so much that I feel he won't fight for our dog, but he won't even demand an explanation for my own personal peice of mind. There is no old aunt, no allergies, just a giant house upstate.

It's funny how his family is saying this right after we announced our engagment, when they have never been very big fans of me. I understand that I cannot allow my dog to to become a little dictator over my life and that my relationship with my future husband is more important than how I treat my dog, but I'm now paranoid that this will continue to happen and I don't want anyone else to be able to use Monster as a tool to cause conflict between us.

Then there are people telling me that I'm over thinking this entire situation. It's the holidays and I feel like it's the first Christmas of the rest of our lives - how can I put up with this year after year? Everything was so exciting for us and I'm just angry that anything could ruin it.

I explained the situation to his mother like this: We're going to be gone for three days, finding a kennel is absolutely out of the question and I cannot impose Monster on my parents for that long when they also have their own plans and he is such a high maitenance dog. I asked incredibly nicely for her to reconsider for the sake of everyone being able to be together. She said she would call back.

I also admire my fiance so much because when he saw how much this really upset me and how hard I tried to come to a conclusion to make everyone happy, he said that if his mother continued to say no to Monster, then the three of us would stay home. I know he's completely genuine and wouldn't offer if he felt obligation over want, but I would still feel guilty for taking him away from his family - when now, they're supposed to be becoming my family.

Haha, I'm sorry, I know this isn't exactly a "Yorkie" problem, but I have nowhere else to vent, and other pet owners are really the only ones who can understand. Thanks so much for all of your input.
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Old 12-22-2006, 01:36 PM   #11
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I understand your difficult position, and how scary it is to think about joining a new family that may not always understand or support your priorities (whatever they may be). However...welcome to marriage! They call them "out-laws" for a reason.

I think if their attitude (and your fiance's way of dealing with them) really bothers you, NOW is the time to really take a close look at the family and really decide whether or not you'd be able to happily make the compromises that would allow you to become a part of them. And if not, you're right, this could spell trouble for the future marriage.

Or, maybe this one area is the ONLY blotch on an otherwise potentially great relationship with them.

I'm sorry, I'm giving "advice" again, when all you really want is sympathy! Sorry, it's the "mom" in me. Well, I do for sure feel for your frustration and disappointment.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:10 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JiggityJig
You'll get a lot of people telling you to put your dog first, so I'll offer another perspective:

I think no matter what, our human relationships have to come first. You don't have to understand or be happy about their choice, just like they apparently don't understand how important your pet is to you.

And ultimately, it's their home, and if your boyfriend/fiance' is important to you, you have to respect their wishes. Sometimes holidays are just chaotic enough without adding to the craziness. Two of the places we're going, I know will be inappropriate to take my dogs to, and they'll be left at home. One place is calm and spacious enough that all THREE will get to go. I think we just have to roll with the punches, and that if WE are willing to, our PETS will learn to as well.

I don't know all the details, but it sounds like there have been some issues with you and your boyfriend...maybe he thinks your dog is too important to you? that you put it before him? And maybe this is something his family is concerned about too. You're in a very tenuous stage of your relationship with ALL of them, where they are still forming opinions of you, and what kind of life their loved one will be able to have with you.

I think that when we are "IN YOUR FACE!!!" with people over our love for our pets, that just gives them more fodder against us. ("She's so crazy...she would rather spend Christmas at home ALONE than leave her dog for two days!")

Think of this as a "test"---PROOVE to them, that yes, you can put canine/human relationships in proper perspective. And then, I bet you anything that next time they'll be more understanding, and won't mind you bringing him along.

Good luck!

Well said.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:28 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JiggityJig
I'm sorry, I'm giving "advice" again, when all you really want is sympathy! Sorry, it's the "mom" in me. Well, I do for sure feel for your frustration and disappointment.

Advice is always welcome! My mom was without advice OR sympathy, so I appreciate the mom in you!

Thank you all for the sympathy and advice! It really did make a difference! Because, I heard from pet owners who understood Adam's point of view but also was assured I wasn't crazy, I was able to say to him, "I know that our relationship comes before the dog, but I don't think this is about the dog. I just want a reason, just one reason why your sister's dog can go and ours can't. If I get a reason, I'll leave him behind, if not, me and Monster are just being discriminated against." THIS, he understood.

His mother called and said no, again. When he asked for a reason why one dog could come and the other couldn't, she had nothing to say other than "because." Since I wasn't really asking for too much, just an explanation - he told her, that we weren't going at all, and we're staying at OUR home.

Like I said, I felt guilty for keeping him from his family and he said "They've been my family all my life, but you're my family for the rest of my life."

Once again, thank you! It didn't end perfectly, but I'm happy (AND SO IN LOVE!) and despite it all, I think the dynamic of our relationship is all the better for it.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL OF YOU AND YOUR PUPPIES!
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:47 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RMKC
Under those circumstances, with you taking all these precautions, and being nice, if it was me, i would make myself a very merry xmas @ home with my dog, but thats me !

ditto
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:55 PM   #15
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Wow, I'm so sorry they put you in such a difficult position. Sounds like a power struggle. I think they know this would cause you a lot of conflict and I think it's important that your boyfriend support you. Maybe you could write a nice letter, after the holidays, begging their forgiveness?? I have two grown sons and the relationship with their wife and girlfriend is so important to me. If I didn't have a Yorky though, I'd probably think you were nuts!
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