Issue: Posting More Kindly Here vs. Telling Others How to Post

[Wylie's Mom]

Lately, there are a lot of confrontations on the board about “please post kinder / nicer”’ vs. “don’t tell me how to post” type issues. This is something that presents an ongoing theme here, so we need to address it once and for all - and then agree to move forward.

The issues are these:

-There will always be members who think we should be posting in a kinder / nicer style and who will state that opinion
-There will always be members who will take offense to this suggestion as they feel they're being told how to post
-There will always be members whose posting style is either very direct or very emotional

And the bottom line is this: all three of these issues are as valid as the next one - and none of these issues are going away. Therefore, we all need to learn to tolerate our differences and respond better to them.

People who think we should be kinder here have a right to that opinion and a right to state such at any time. That doesn’t mean you’re being asked to agree to it, or to respond to it. And as far as opinions that we could be nicer here, there are far worse things in the world we could be asked to tolerate.

And the tolerance does go both ways - those who hold the opinion that posting could be more kind have to tolerate and respond fairly to those who have a direct or emotional style of posting. While the opinion to post in a kinder style is welcome, it’s also fair to expect that if that opinion is posted - there could be some who respond negatively toward it and they are welcome to respond (respectfully, to be clear).

There is NO solution here that will make everyone happy, so please do not look for one. We do support those who think it could be kinder just as we support those who have a direct style. So, if someone posts requesting more kindness, DON’T respond if you’re ticked off by it; DO respond if you feel the need and you can do so calmly. But know that they *will* be supported in voicing their opinion. Likewise, if you see someone who you think is posting too harshly, DON’T respond if you’re ticked off by it; DO respond if you feel the need and can do so calmly - and by all means, report it if you suspect rules are being broken by the style of posting, because it is possible. That said, we do support those whose style is direct and won't ask them to change who they are. As far as emotional posters - while we do support and understand emotional posts, those posts are still expected to be respectful and follow rules.

Most importantly, we all need to remember (always) why YT is here. YT was started with the intention of being a kind, fun, educational, supportive place for yorkie owners. It states very clearly in the YT Rules and Guidelines what the expectations are in terms of how we should treat others -- and the overarching theme is that we be respectful.

On that note and in closing, every single one of us should review the following pertinent YT Rules:

1. Please be civil and do not personally attack members, their opinions, their knowledge, or how they care for their dog. It is NOT acceptable to call any member a troll, a pot stirrer, or a bully. If you disagree with a member's post - you must reply respectfully; if unable to do so, you should not post. YT will not allow rude, snide, or disrespectful remarks towards fellow members. If you have only criticism and nothing constructive to add to a thread - then DO NOT POST. If you have ongoing conflict with a member, you may place them on your ignore list. It is not allowed to publicly declare whether a member is placed on 'ignore' - any posts stating such will be deleted and could result in consequences.

2. New members will be treated with respect, patience, and extra understanding. All yorkie owners at YT were “new” at some point; new members come to YT hoping to learn about their dogs and they want some support, patience and kindness while learning and sharing. If you are a member who cannot offer patience and understanding to new members or during sensitive topics, then you should not post on applicable threads. If you break this rule - your posts will be deleted, your access to the applicable section(s) may be removed for up to 30 days or indefinitely, and/or you will be suspended.

3. If your personal interactions are deemed problematic, attacking, badgering, snarky/snide or anything similar, (via forums, PMs, chat etc.), your account may be suspended for 1-4 weeks. If you try to circumvent this by creating another account, both accounts will be PERMANENTLY BANNED. For more serious offenses, you may be banned from YT immediately, rather than suspended. If a member causes ongoing problematic issues in a certain section of YT, we may disable the member's access to that section for 1-4 weeks; if it continues, access will be removed indefinitely.

Feel free to respond to this thread whether kind, direct, or emotional . And if you have suggestions, feel free to share them.

[spiritwings1202]

I want to add that when I first joined YT I felt very welcomed and found a lot of support and education. I think all in all people are usually kind a respectful. There are times when a thread gets a little heated bc there are so many different opinions and personalities involved.
With that being said I think we are all responsible for our own posts and words that we use and most of us are adults.
YT is a great place to make friends and learn so much and get support when needed. We just all have to really take into consideration that things being typed can come out so wrong rather than in person...also we have to ask ourselves would we say what we are typing if we were face to face with the person.

We are all not without fault we all make misjudgments and mistakes, so we need to all be more tolerant with one another giving each other the benefit of the doubt.

We all have our cross to bare in life and we could easily just be having a bad day!

I personally think everyone on YT is generally kind people....

[Amazing Yorkies]

Thanks for the reminder Ann!

So beautifully written, can we make this a sticky reminder

[lynzy420]

Post and let post....yep...!!! Thanks Ann for addressing this....it definitely has been a problem:

[spiritwings1202]

Originally Posted by Amazing Yorkies

Thanks for the reminder Ann!

So beautifully written, can we make this a sticky reminder

I agree!! I Think Ann you do a great job moderating it has got to be a difficult job at times. I also want to thank you for all your hard work and dedication to YT!!

[cindersellie]

Well said spiritwings. I couldn't have said my feelings any better. EVERYONE that's posted here I've learned from, and when I ask for help, they are helpful. I love that this site is here, where I can get opinions, when I ask, get help, when I need it, and so much more. Support is here no matter if it's yorkie related or just life issues that has someone down that day. This is a wonderful group of people. If YT ers weren't, I wouldn't still be here.

With that said, Thank you wiley's mom. You put a lot of thought and work into this thread/post. I re-read the rules, and I hope my future posts are better than my past posts.


.

[Melany]

Well said

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by lynzy420

Post and let post....yep...!!! Thanks Ann for addressing this....it definitely has been a problem:

LMBO. Love it. Love the emoticon train. I totally get it.

And dang it, I can't even call you a snarky turd for it!

[chachi]

Thank you Ann for the reminder

[kjc]

Ann, You are on a roll this week! Great post!

[chattiesmom]

Great post, thank you Ms. Moderator Boss Lady.

[EarthAngel]

It has been a roller coaster lately. You have said it all Ann and I want to thank you for saying what needs to be said. It must not be easy to be a moderator deciding when to step in or let things take its course...you have been and are a great Boss Lady!!

[Ldyrev1]

Thanks Ann,

Guilty as charged and trying to be a better person for myself and all others!!

Thanks again!!

[ladyjane]

I agree with it all....I really do. What I DO find disturbing and not addressed (in my mind) is the issue of telling the OP of a thread that people are mean and trying to make that person think that the person calling others mean is being nice and giving good advice. Not sure I am making sense? I am not so upset about people not liking my style so much as I am upset that they are giving bad advice to people that could potentially harm a pup while saying that the rest of us who are giving the correct advice are mean. I just think that they should give their advice and not trash others for their advice. That goes beyond critiquing the style of a post.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

I agree with it all....I really do. What I DO find disturbing and not addressed (in my mind) is the issue of telling the OP of a thread that people are mean and trying to make that person think that the person calling others mean is being nice and giving good advice. Not sure I am making sense? I am not so upset about people not liking my style so much as I am upset that they are giving bad advice to people that could potentially harm a pup while saying that the rest of us who are giving the correct advice are mean. I just think that they should give their advice and not trash others for their advice. That goes beyond critiquing the style of a post.

This is one of my pet peeves too. This always has the effect of making the OP angry, even when she was tolerant before. I've seen threads where the OP was slightly open minded to our suggestions and someone posted how mean other were and the OP automatically shuts down. If they are offering bad advice also, it's really important to address that, but I often see it without any other advice.

Anyway, great post and great reminder Ann. We can all learn to do better.