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Old 05-26-2012, 12:59 PM   #1
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Angry Venting about neighbor

Ok, so I haven't posted on here in a long while because of some other reasons unrelated to this post and this website in general, but today I reached my last straw with my neighbor and since it relates to my dog, I figured here might be the most appropriate place to vent.

I live in an area of Berlin, Germany which is mostly older people and couples with children, so being a student who lives alone, I sometimes stand out. I have been in my current apartment for about 18 months and when I moved in, my nice neighbor, who we will call Mrs. W, introduced herself and her dog Bapsi to me and my Hepburn. Bapsi is a cute small bichon mix who is almost exactly the same age as Hepburn, but a bit bigger. Bapsi is mostly well-behaved and much more calm than Hepburn, who can be a bit crazy when he greets other dogs, something I have been working on with him for quite a while with limited success (any tips in this direction, as a side note, would be greatly appreciated).

In Berlin, there is no general leash law and many dogs just run free, not all of them answering to their owner's commands when they really all should. The law actually states that dogs may only be leash-free when their owners can confidently maintain control of them at all times. I choose to always have Hepburn on a leash and since he is so small and I have anxiety issues around large dogs (due to a traumatic bite incident last April and being a witness to a horrific dog attack just in March), I also don't take him to dog parks or parks where many dogs are off leash. He doesn't listen reliably and even though I work with him, I don't think I will ever be comfortable with him off-leash. My neighbor, however, lets Bapsi off her leash all the time and tells me regularly how it is bad training on my part that makes it impossible to let Hepburn off his leash. I have told her time and time again that it has to do with my comfort level and my anxiety, but firmly repeated that my decision to not go off-leash with my dog is my business and not hers. I do often take Hepburn to my workplace, which is as a nanny to 4 children and they have a large garden with a secure fence so he runs there about twice a month and I can see that he likes it, but don't have the benefit of a fenced yard myself.

The unsolicited advice about the off-leash issue is just the beginning. She also chewed me out for about 6 months about having Hepburn fixed because it was damaging his natural instincts. I waited until he was almost 18 months to have him fixed and I did it because he was marking my walls in my apartment and I wanted it to stop. I also did it because it is common sense to prevent certain cancers and to control the already rising population of abandoned and unwanted pets by not allowing my dog to contribute to it. I asked her to please respect my choice to have him fixed for my own reasons, just as I respect her choice to not have Bapsi fixed and let her go into heat (which drives all the other intact male dogs on our street insane, including the really large ones).

To add onto this, she often complains that I don't exercise Hepburn enough, but never complains about barking (because he is mostly quiet) or other problems. Today, she complained again that she only ever sees me take Hepburn right outside the building to pee and come back in. As I do take him on a walk twice a day and he does join me on many activities on the weekends which take him all over the city and to the country surrounding, I was a bit offended to think she would make an assumption that I don't exercise my dog enough. I turned to her and said, well since you aren't monitoring me all day and all night, you wouldn't know how I choose to exercise my dog, nor do you know my dog well enough to understand his exercise needs and how I best meet them while going to school and working part-time. She started to come back with something, and I just said, have a good evening, went into my apartment and closed the door.

I am just fuming at this point that she continues to approach me with unsolicited advice. I feel like I shouldn't have to justify my decisions, but when she says something negative, it feels like she is calling my ability to train my dog and maintain its health. Hepburn is like my baby, he gets the best food, ordered online because it isn't available here, he goes almost everywhere I go except school and sometimes work, and he is a huge part of my life. I have spent the better part of over 2 years training and loving him, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. How can I stop this well-meaning but nosy neighbor in her tracks and cut off the flow of unsolicited, unwanted advice? I am not unguilty in this sense, as sometimes I do say something to people on the street mostly to large dog owners with out of control dogs on the sidewalk, forcing me to pick up Hepburn and go into panic mode, but normally, I hold my tongue unless I feel like my dog is in danger.

Any advice on how to shut up my nosy neighbor (or just comforting words telling me I am not wrong to keep my dog on a leash and such)? (Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get it all out! I didn't even realize how much it bothered me until tonight when she approached me. This has been building up for 18 months and I needed somewhere to explode, otherwise I would have exploded to her and been pretty mean).
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Old 05-26-2012, 01:10 PM   #2
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Simply tell her you don't want to hear it. She is harassing you and she is wrong. If you see her walk away before she can talk to you. Some people just don't know how to keep to their own business huh.
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Old 05-26-2012, 01:38 PM   #3
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I keep Maggie on a leash because she is not a reliable listener and her desire to see the man or dog across the street is greater than her desire to listen to me. Sometimes if both her dad and I are outside we will let her off but we keep an eye out...

I also don't trust those other dogs out there to listen to their owners. It is not worth the risk. So, ignore your neighbor. Better safe than sorry.

If she hassles you again about the neutering you should educate her by printing literature explaining the increase in cancer risk. She may be uninformed....

If you feel the need to explain the exercise to her you can also tell her that you play with your dog for HOURS in the house (fetch etc). Who cares if it's not true, you know what you really do and she can't argue with what she cannot see. I would say, "Oh, but I spend an hour in the morning and in the evening just playing with him and making sure he is stimulated and exercised, how long do you and your dog play each day? "

Or, just ignore her. Sounds like a bit of a busybody.
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Old 05-26-2012, 01:52 PM   #4
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I fear there isn't much you can do. People like your neighbor like to hear themselves talk, and think their way is the only way things can, and should, be done. I would try to avoid her personally, as you have already tried to explain your point of view, and she's not understanding it's your choice.
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Old 05-26-2012, 01:55 PM   #5
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Some people are lonely and not good at conversation (maybe why they are lonely?) Since you say Mrs W. and Bapsi are "nice" - maybe you can steer the discussion to some other topic and continue to socialize your little one with Bapsi.
My neighbor doesn't like to hear the dogs bark yet teases them thru the fence!
I explained to him a few times what he was causing- now I just let it go, life is short.
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Old 05-26-2012, 02:07 PM   #6
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Well at this point when and if Mrs W. gets on your case again about either exercising or neutering etal; just politely smile and say, well yes I've heard you before, and I'm glad you have your opinion, but I don't "need" to hear it again. Goodnight, or good day then walk away!
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Old 05-26-2012, 02:27 PM   #7
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Don't let anyone ever pressure you into doing anything you feel is unsafe or endangering to your pup. You have good instincts and common sense, and you don't have to prove it to anyone. Only you know yourself, and only you know your dog. The AKC states that Yorkies are good apartment dogs. They can adapt happily to being with their owners whether inside or out. She must not be familiar with the breed. What works for most breeds usually won't work with a Yorkie!
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Old 05-26-2012, 03:08 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kjc View Post
Don't let anyone ever pressure you into doing anything you feel is unsafe or endangering to your pup. You have good instincts and common sense, and you don't have to prove it to anyone. Only you know yourself, and only you know your dog. The AKC states that Yorkies are good apartment dogs. They can adapt happily to being with their owners whether inside or out. She must not be familiar with the breed. What works for most breeds usually won't work with a Yorkie!

good post!

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I am not sure I'm the best person to ask because my first thought was to tell her to mind her own business, but in a friendly way. My husband gets on to me a lot about this but I'm the type of person who generally dislikes others, especially people I don't really know, giving me advice or opinions when I don't ask for it. I can't help that I'm that way and I won't apologize for it either. I would probably do my best just to keep my distance from the neighbor. If they only bring you worry or concern, why let them in your life. That is just how I feel though. But I agree that you are certainly able to make your own decisions about what is best for you and your pet. If she keeps harassing you, just try to breathe, smile, and don't let it bother you. Good luck to you hon.
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Old 05-26-2012, 10:18 PM   #9
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Remind her of the saying, Live and let live. I would remind her that would be good for all concerned to practice, and if and when I ever need advice I will ask for it. Good luck. Someone like that can certainly be anoying.
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