HELP!!!!!!!!!!! Am I really this big of a jerk?
 

Ok here is the story. We have a 3 and a half year old yorkie who is SOMEWHAT trained. She knows sit stay come and she listens to them SOMETIMES. We just got a s**tzu Maltese mix about months ago and she is NOT TRAINED. I live with my mother who ADORES these dogs (I do to but they NEED TO BE TRAINED. The problem is they are completely out of control. They bark EXCESSIVELY because they always get there way with her. This is how she punishes. She will do a quick firm NO and then pick them up and lovey dubby on them "oh babies... :kisses: :kisses:. I try to tell her to ignore them when she first gets in the door (just for a minute or two) to let them know that they do not rule the roost and she doesn't. The barking literally drives me crazy because it is SO LOUD and it is SO CONSTANT until they get their way. She says its "normal". Well I am sorry that is a load of :beep: I have NEVER seen any dogs bark like this. I cannot even have company over without them jumping all over the entire room and guests like they just had a bowl of red bull. The problem I have with teaching them is they run to her everytime I try to punish them. If I talk to her about it she says "THEY ARE JUST PUPPIES...or THEY ARE JUST PLAYING.... or some new excuse every time to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Im sorry but it is making me so angry because the barking LITERALLY HURTS YOUR EARS and it is probably causing damage to them lol. Anyways help me out, what do I do? These are the most hyper dogs I have EVER seen and it seems like its impossible to train them if she is just going to come home every night to their "rescue" from mean me. Do not get me wrong, I love on them all the time to but for god sakes they need to be disciplined and they need to stop the rediculous barking for NO REASON (if their is a possum or if a new face comes its ok to bark a little, but they do it sometimes for no reason and whenever a door opens, garage opens.... etc. My mother is making me feel like I am a jerk or I am cruel (by punishing, I do not hit them or anything like that, just timeout or pick them up by the fat of the back of their neck).

BTW they are pretty much only in their cage at night to sleep. She always says also "its because they are in their cage". I get so mad at that because first off I give them attention during the day AND punish/ try to discipline them until it all gets UNdone when she comes home. Then I tell her... what would happen if I wasn't here all day and they were in their cage ALL day. What about the trained dogs that know when they are in their cage they are NOT IN CHARGE. HELPPPPPPP!!!

well hun you might need to hire a trainer it might not do anything but tell your mom she is wrong but that would give you room to work

Is this your house, or your mother's house? Is there a need for you to be living with your mother?

I ask these questions, because if MY grown children were living with me, and tried to tell me how to dicipline my dogs, whether they were right or wrong, I would let them know, my house, my rules.

And if they did not like my rules, or my dogs, I would let them know that they are welcome to get their own place and their own dogs, and make their own rules.

There is nothing you can do unless everyone in the house is working together.

Sorry, I don't have any advice for you.:( I know they say it doesn't hurt them, but I would never pick mine up by the fat on the back of neck. JMO

yep its her house. i do my best to bite my tongue most of the time but sometimes i lose my cool unfortunately. She is actually happy that I am training them, thats why I get frustrated and really do want to work together, I just wish she would reinforce it. Oh well i guess thats all i can do. Yea I have heard that it is not bad to pick them up by the nap of the neck because that is what the puppies mother does to carry them in the first place. thanks for the info

Maybe if you can educate your mother more on benefits of trained dog she be more receptive to help?

I think this is a false dilemma, whether the dogs should get no punishment, or should be punished and taught their place. They need to be taught. Positive training is generally much more effective (though I'll grant I used a can of pennies to teach Thor not to bark).

It is more difficult to train dogs if they aren't handled consistently... on the other hand, dogs do not generalize as much as humans. So they can learn that they can do whatever they want when they are with your Mom, but behave differently around you.

Also, if the dogs are super-hyper, that is a big sign they need more EXERCISE.

Finally - would it be possible for you to use more punctuation / paragraphs in your post? I had a really hard time reading it. :)

Hi,

Let me begin with saying I use to live in Huntington Beach just the next city over from you.

Understanding this is your mother's home, you haven't stated whether you have always lifed with your mother or have just moved in. I understand your frustration with your mother not working with you to train these pups. But, there can be underlying factors, her feeling this is her home and she'll run it the way she wants and the fact that she's the mother and you're the daughter.

I'm sure she's pretty level headed and if you sat down with her and explained the need and benefits of having trained, well behaved dogs, she'd listen. But, you both have to listen and come to an understanding and a plan of action. Mothers and daughters have the tendancy to buck heads....it's a territorial, independence thing.......so, that being said, you both have to be in the right frame of mind to listen to each other.....in the best interest of the dogs. After all you don't want animal control assending on your door step and removing the dogs....

You know, I've always assumed there are deep psychological issues which keep mothers and daughters at odds... but seeing how unspayed female dogs react around each other, maybe we're just biologically predisposed to be territorial. :)

But yes, I agree with Mardelin, there's probably more going on that just disagreements on training. I do think you can train these dogs on your own, even if you can't get your mother to go along. Remember, you can influence others, but only change yourself.

Having raised a daughter, I know about bucking heads, the territorial thing, mother having difficulty realizing her daughter is coming into being her own woman. Daughter having the need to have her mother realize she has a brain and a mind of her own.

I really wish I could have put my daughter into deep freeze at 12 and kept her there until she was 25. That was the age we became friends.

I got Rizzo to be quite on command by just using "shhhh", if he started to bark I'd "shhh" him when he responded by not barking he would get a treat. They say if you yell the dog takes it as you joining in on the barking fun, so just teach them "quiet" or "shhh" by rewarding them with treats or play time, whatever motivates them to do your bidding (so to speak) just read up on the training forum and try to teach the little ones using the tips that people post on there. Good luck.

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Exactly. it is her house and if she wants to spoil the dogs, that is her right.

You didn't say whether or not you work and pay rent and contribute to the cost and the care of the dogs.

I understand your concern But to be honest with you....If my daughter was living in my house and picked up my dogs by the back of the neck fat...I would be ticked off..and that would not go over very well...

I agree that maybe a trainer may need to come a few times :)

Although, the home is very well her mothers', that is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that this is very well a communication gap. Mother and daughter need to close that gap for the sake of the dogs. An undisciplined dog is not one that is easy to live with. I'm familiar with the city of Westminister, it's a very populated city and constant barking dogs can be annoying to neighbors.

You have given me some HOPE...I have 3 daughters and cant wait for our friendship to begin.