Boyfriend jealous of baby Bella?! - YorkieTalk.com Forums

BabyBellaluv · 03-09-2010, 07:51 PM

Ok...sooOOo..I've had my baby Bella for the past few months when she was 8 wks old and i think it's affecting my relationship with my bf. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bella sooo much and he just doesnt understand. I'm a nurse and work nightshift at the hospital so he watches her while i'm at work. And I do get worried because he keeps telling me to treat her like a "DOG" and he uses her crate as punishment while she's potty training. I hate it. He never pets her or gives her any love anymore. I come home and there's NO water or food. I'm so sick of it. She's just a baby and potty training and he doesn't understand. He just complains about how much the apt smells and how much of a brat she is. All we do is argue now cause he doesnt seem to understand or even hear me. I dont know if it's cause she has most of my attention now or what. Is it jealousy or is he just plain mean. Does anyone else have this problem? I'm sooo protective of Bella and it would KILL me if anyone ever mistreated her.

MPlayman · 03-09-2010, 08:21 PM

Get a sitter , and free night and take the poor boy out. Raising a baby can be tough. Finding out your parner loves something covered in hair more than you..... poor BF!

Give him some attention, clean the house. I recommend flushing poo (no smell) Use "go Potty" or some other que for Bella when you want her to go, and the potty mats are great. (I made Layla's with fake green/carpet, rubber backed, and a plastic tray. Just rinse off and done.)

Remember sometimes we are all just little kids in adult suits!

BTW if he does hurt her, kick his A** to the curb! But he sound like he misses you.

yorkieusa · 03-09-2010, 08:22 PM

Perhaps you are now seeing the real person that he is.

onesmartcookie · 03-09-2010, 08:25 PM

Do you live together? If not I would have someone else watching her when you are away. It sounds like he resents the responsibility and yes maybe all the attention and love you give her. The first thing that came to my mind was this is a red flag that I wouldn't ignore in a a relationship. How would he react to a human child? Did you buy her together or was this your decision? I am sorry you have to go through this and sorry for Bella too.

BanditSocks2 · 03-09-2010, 08:27 PM

He seems like he wants the attention, not necessarily that he hates the pup (although he shouldn't be treating her like that). I agree with the person before who said get someone to watch your pup and take a break and a night out. Cleaning all the rugs to get rid of the smell will help your bf and your pup learn that inside is not a potty. If your bf refuses to not punish her for pottying in the house, have him put her in the bathroom for a couple minutes. We do that with Nala during potty training "relapses" and it seems to work. It's really important for them to view their crate as a safe and happy place.

Overall this does seem fixable. Make sure you give your bf the attention he needs, and see if you can help him bond with your pup. Good luck

yorkielover916 · 03-09-2010, 08:32 PM

Using the crate for punishment isn't a good thing. but maybe that is how he thinks it will solve her potty training issue I had to talk w/ my DH about that b/c he would use the crate to punish my two older dogs(non yorkie) and he finally understood that that is suppossed to be their "home" within their home. He also may not want the responseability of taking care of the puppy while you are at work. you may want to try a x-pen w/ her crate, bowl of food and water out at all times and a pee pad so she can learn to go potty on them. if you cant get a sitter that may be your best thing to do. Good luck w/ the BF.... he may just miss your undivided attention and blame the puppy for it.

edumma · 03-09-2010, 08:33 PM

Don't forget, your BF needs some quality time too.Try not to let your world revolve around just the puppy ( I know its hard with the novelty of a new pup ) relationships with the people in your life are important too. BUT SHOULD HE HURT THE PUPPY..KICK HIS ASS OUT THE DOOR!
Eileen

TwoforFun · 03-09-2010, 08:36 PM

If the above comments to fix the relationship don't work then just kick him to the curb. She is part of you now and he needs to accept all of you. She might just be an excuse (but of course you will only know). It is plain mean to not have fed her or simply put water. Just my advise if he gets annoy by everything you do say or have it's time to go. Been there.
Hopefully this is not the case. Good Luck!!
And pls don't leave her with him.

DvlshAngel985 · 03-09-2010, 08:42 PM

I'm so sorry you're boyfriend doesn't understand. It does sound like he's jealous and is taking it out on Bella. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. We don't live together, but do spend a lot of time together. He knows very well that I have been wanting a dog since I was 4, it's all I ever talked about. Last year when I finally got my dog, the only argument we had was the neuter. He doesn't believe that's beneficial or even necessary, I obviously have a different opinion. He didn't stop me though. He's also the one that brings Kaji wherever we are vegging out watching tv.
My point is, I'm glad I got my little dog because it brought out a nurturing side of my bf that I would have never seen. It's really endearing. If he turned out to be the opposite, then it would have been a deal breaker. 4 years, 10 years, it wouldn't have mattered to me. If he wasn't capable of compassion, he wouldn't be the kind of guy I want for me and out he goes.
Talk to him. With your late night nursing, and a little precious baby at home eating up your attention, I would be a little jealous too. Let him know her potty training isn't forever and she will understand her place in your family, it's just a matter of time, patients, and love. Let him know it bothers you that Bella doesn't have food when you come home. GOOD LUCK!

loveshay · 03-09-2010, 08:50 PM

Have you talked to him about Yorkies needing more attention,then a big dog? and it would get better, as Bella grows up?

I think my hubby was a lil jealous of Shay, at first, getting all my attention....so I encluded him in the training, like sit and lay....we did it togeather....then we got our lil Bella about 4 weeks ago...and he loves them both as much as I do..he even WANTS to take them on our vacation, which I am amazed...but he like me, would worry about them, if we left them behind..

Good luck, talk to him, try and make him see how much you love this lil girl and how you can raise her togeather.

AbbysMom08 · 03-09-2010, 09:19 PM

Sorry to hear that Bella and you are going through this.
NO dog should go without food or water, especially one this young!!!
I really hope things get better.
Post pics of your baby.

joeyandtanksmom · 03-09-2010, 09:58 PM

Yeah...I think you guys need to have a nice relaxing time out, without the furbutt! While out, you need to refrain from talking about her, and make sure that your boyfriend is able to relax and just enjoy himself

It will probably reduce his stress.

If it's any help, there was a while that my husband and I were fighting all the time - we barely saw each other, but when we did see each other we couldn't agree on anything. We had a vacation planned, and afterwords we were getting along better than ever. We just needed some time together as a couple to sorta "rekindle" ourselves...

He might not feel like it's his job to feed/water your baby, cause she's "yours"...that's the crap my hubby pulls on me...He loves our boys more than almost anything, but he doesn't take responsibility for them - ever. It's honestly just something I'm going to have to live with, but it isn't that big of a deal, because I LOVE taking care of my boys, and they're never without food for more than 2 or 3 hours, so they're not in danger, you know?

If it really comes down to it, are you prepared to choose between your pet and your boyfriend? I hate to even think it, but is the possibility of that in this situation? I think over time your little one might grow on your boyfriend. Did he agree with your decision to get her, or did you have her when you guys started dating?

Either way, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you guys get everything figured out!

lrichardsonrnc · 03-09-2010, 10:39 PM

Sweetie, I'm older than you but we are both nurses. I have to tell you something straight from the heart.........give him the boot. He's a jerk! He's not a grown up, you are. Your puppy is a helpless creature and deserves YOU. Don't trust this creep with your baby. Jealous? Give me a break! Other people who work are able to have a Yorkie at home. My Prissy sleeps 12 hours at night, I'm not kidding. Zero tolerance for schmucks!

Giorgio09 · 03-09-2010, 10:58 PM

She's adorable. Does he treat your other dog that way?

BabyBellaluv · 03-10-2010, 02:08 PM

I REALLY appreciate all the responses and advice. It really helps to hear it from someone else. We do live togther and have been for over a year and he know's how much I've been wanting a Yorkie. He even said he would get one ffor me but at the time when I really wanted her he didnt havge the funds. But i did everything i can to gether. I'm gonna try what everyones saying and see how things go. Glad to know!!!! Bella says thanks and kisses and licks to all!

03-09-2010, 07:51 PM	#1
BabyBellaluv YorkieTalk Newbie! Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Fort worth, tx Posts: 4	Boyfriend jealous of baby Bella?! Ok...sooOOo..I've had my baby Bella for the past few months when she was 8 wks old and i think it's affecting my relationship with my bf. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bella sooo much and he just doesnt understand. I'm a nurse and work nightshift at the hospital so he watches her while i'm at work. And I do get worried because he keeps telling me to treat her like a "DOG" and he uses her crate as punishment while she's potty training. I hate it. He never pets her or gives her any love anymore. I come home and there's NO water or food. I'm so sick of it. She's just a baby and potty training and he doesn't understand. He just complains about how much the apt smells and how much of a brat she is. All we do is argue now cause he doesnt seem to understand or even hear me. I dont know if it's cause she has most of my attention now or what. Is it jealousy or is he just plain mean. Does anyone else have this problem? I'm sooo protective of Bella and it would KILL me if anyone ever mistreated her.

03-09-2010, 08:22 PM	#3
yorkieusa Crazy about Kacee! Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 21,173	Perhaps you are now seeing the real person that he is. __________________ Karen Kacee Muffin 1991-2005 Rest in Peace My Little Angel

03-09-2010, 08:32 PM	#6
yorkielover916 Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: San Antonio, TX, USA Posts: 238 Blog Entries: 1	Using the crate for punishment isn't a good thing. but maybe that is how he thinks it will solve her potty training issue I had to talk w/ my DH about that b/c he would use the crate to punish my two older dogs(non yorkie) and he finally understood that that is suppossed to be their "home" within their home. He also may not want the responseability of taking care of the puppy while you are at work. you may want to try a x-pen w/ her crate, bowl of food and water out at all times and a pee pad so she can learn to go potty on them. if you cant get a sitter that may be your best thing to do. Good luck w/ the BF.... he may just miss your undivided attention and blame the puppy for it. __________________ Carla & Jasper R.I.P. JoJo

03-09-2010, 08:36 PM	#8
TwoforFun YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: TX Posts: 646	If the above comments to fix the relationship don't work then just kick him to the curb. She is part of you now and he needs to accept all of you. She might just be an excuse (but of course you will only know). It is plain mean to not have fed her or simply put water. Just my advise if he gets annoy by everything you do say or have it's time to go. Been there. Hopefully this is not the case. Good Luck!! And pls don't leave her with him. __________________ XOXO JiJi , JiJa Lil' Man and Mommy

03-09-2010, 08:42 PM	#9
DvlshAngel985 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA Posts: 12,693	I'm so sorry you're boyfriend doesn't understand. It does sound like he's jealous and is taking it out on Bella. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. We don't live together, but do spend a lot of time together. He knows very well that I have been wanting a dog since I was 4, it's all I ever talked about. Last year when I finally got my dog, the only argument we had was the neuter. He doesn't believe that's beneficial or even necessary, I obviously have a different opinion. He didn't stop me though. He's also the one that brings Kaji wherever we are vegging out watching tv. My point is, I'm glad I got my little dog because it brought out a nurturing side of my bf that I would have never seen. It's really endearing. If he turned out to be the opposite, then it would have been a deal breaker. 4 years, 10 years, it wouldn't have mattered to me. If he wasn't capable of compassion, he wouldn't be the kind of guy I want for me and out he goes. Talk to him. With your late night nursing, and a little precious baby at home eating up your attention, I would be a little jealous too. Let him know her potty training isn't forever and she will understand her place in your family, it's just a matter of time, patients, and love. Let him know it bothers you that Bella doesn't have food when you come home. GOOD LUCK! __________________ Littlest JakJak We miss you Kaji

03-09-2010, 08:21 PM	#2
MPlayman Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Yakima, Washington USA Posts: 82	Get a sitter , and free night and take the poor boy out. Raising a baby can be tough. Finding out your parner loves something covered in hair more than you..... poor BF! Give him some attention, clean the house. I recommend flushing poo (no smell) Use "go Potty" or some other que for Bella when you want her to go, and the potty mats are great. (I made Layla's with fake green/carpet, rubber backed, and a plastic tray. Just rinse off and done.) Remember sometimes we are all just little kids in adult suits! BTW if he does hurt her, kick his A** to the curb! But he sound like he misses you.

03-09-2010, 08:25 PM	#4
onesmartcookie Yorkie Talker Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Midwest Posts: 17	Do you live together? If not I would have someone else watching her when you are away. It sounds like he resents the responsibility and yes maybe all the attention and love you give her. The first thing that came to my mind was this is a red flag that I wouldn't ignore in a a relationship. How would he react to a human child? Did you buy her together or was this your decision? I am sorry you have to go through this and sorry for Bella too.

03-09-2010, 08:27 PM	#5
BanditSocks2 YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Crofton, MD, USA Posts: 1,522	He seems like he wants the attention, not necessarily that he hates the pup (although he shouldn't be treating her like that). I agree with the person before who said get someone to watch your pup and take a break and a night out. Cleaning all the rugs to get rid of the smell will help your bf and your pup learn that inside is not a potty. If your bf refuses to not punish her for pottying in the house, have him put her in the bathroom for a couple minutes. We do that with Nala during potty training "relapses" and it seems to work. It's really important for them to view their crate as a safe and happy place. Overall this does seem fixable. Make sure you give your bf the attention he needs, and see if you can help him bond with your pup. Good luck

03-09-2010, 08:33 PM	#7
edumma Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: British Columbia , Canada Posts: 232	Don't forget, your BF needs some quality time too.Try not to let your world revolve around just the puppy ( I know its hard with the novelty of a new pup ) relationships with the people in your life are important too. BUT SHOULD HE HURT THE PUPPY..KICK HIS ASS OUT THE DOOR! Eileen

03-09-2010, 08:50 PM	#10
loveshay YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: TN Posts: 556	Have you talked to him about Yorkies needing more attention,then a big dog? and it would get better, as Bella grows up? I think my hubby was a lil jealous of Shay, at first, getting all my attention....so I encluded him in the training, like sit and lay....we did it togeather....then we got our lil Bella about 4 weeks ago...and he loves them both as much as I do..he even WANTS to take them on our vacation, which I am amazed...but he like me, would worry about them, if we left them behind.. Good luck, talk to him, try and make him see how much you love this lil girl and how you can raise her togeather. __________________ loving my lil SHAY

03-09-2010, 09:19 PM	#11
AbbysMom08 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,268	Sorry to hear that Bella and you are going through this. NO dog should go without food or water, especially one this young!!! I really hope things get better. Post pics of your baby. __________________ Jan, Mommy to Abby

03-09-2010, 09:58 PM	#12
joeyandtanksmom YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Kuna,ID,USA Posts: 557	Yeah...I think you guys need to have a nice relaxing time out, without the furbutt! While out, you need to refrain from talking about her, and make sure that your boyfriend is able to relax and just enjoy himself It will probably reduce his stress. If it's any help, there was a while that my husband and I were fighting all the time - we barely saw each other, but when we did see each other we couldn't agree on anything. We had a vacation planned, and afterwords we were getting along better than ever. We just needed some time together as a couple to sorta "rekindle" ourselves... He might not feel like it's his job to feed/water your baby, cause she's "yours"...that's the crap my hubby pulls on me...He loves our boys more than almost anything, but he doesn't take responsibility for them - ever. It's honestly just something I'm going to have to live with, but it isn't that big of a deal, because I LOVE taking care of my boys, and they're never without food for more than 2 or 3 hours, so they're not in danger, you know? If it really comes down to it, are you prepared to choose between your pet and your boyfriend? I hate to even think it, but is the possibility of that in this situation? I think over time your little one might grow on your boyfriend. Did he agree with your decision to get her, or did you have her when you guys started dating? Either way, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you guys get everything figured out! __________________ Sandy: Joey & Tank's Mom Jackson Ryan

03-09-2010, 10:39 PM	#13
lrichardsonrnc Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: May 2009 Location: austin, texas USA Posts: 303 Blog Entries: 1	Sweetie, I'm older than you but we are both nurses. I have to tell you something straight from the heart.........give him the boot. He's a jerk! He's not a grown up, you are. Your puppy is a helpless creature and deserves YOU. Don't trust this creep with your baby. Jealous? Give me a break! Other people who work are able to have a Yorkie at home. My Prissy sleeps 12 hours at night, I'm not kidding. Zero tolerance for schmucks!

03-09-2010, 10:58 PM	#14
Giorgio09 Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Roseville, CA Posts: 30 Blog Entries: 1	Hi She's adorable. Does he treat your other dog that way? __________________ Gio

03-10-2010, 02:08 PM	#15
BabyBellaluv YorkieTalk Newbie! Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Fort worth, tx Posts: 4	Thanks for all the advice and responses.... I REALLY appreciate all the responses and advice. It really helps to hear it from someone else. We do live togther and have been for over a year and he know's how much I've been wanting a Yorkie. He even said he would get one ffor me but at the time when I really wanted her he didnt havge the funds. But i did everything i can to gether. I'm gonna try what everyones saying and see how things go. Glad to know!!!! Bella says thanks and kisses and licks to all!