How to help them grieve? - YorkieTalk.com Forums

twalla · 06-14-2009, 09:25 AM

I dont know if this is the right section or not but this is where I am sticking it. This is long but wanted to explain everything.

On Friday, I had to let my 13yr Pom/Chi mix, Charlie, go to his final resting place. Since then Sam (my Yorkie) and Martin (my poodle) have been depressed.

They are not really eating, they drink some, no playing and just kind of lay around.

Sam ALWAYS goes with me, yesterday he wouldn't come near me when I grabbed the car keys. Same with today. I am afraid that he thinks if he leaves with me that he won't come back

Sam and Martin are both laying with me but that is the extent of it. Yesterday Sam got into Charlie and Martin's crate (all bedding has been emptied and crate cleaned), he just laid there on the plastic lining.

He goes to certain places where Charlie would lay, sniffs, rolls around then just falls out on his tummy there, all sprawled out with his head down.

It is really breaking my heart because I dont know what to do for them.

My nieces are having a hard time. For the first time EVER my baby wouldnt spend the night with me, its just to soon for her. But at least with them, we can talk about it and I can help them grieve.

I dont know how to help Martin and Sam. Does anyone have any do's or don'ts that they can suggest?

yorkie mad · 06-14-2009, 10:01 AM

In Feb I went through this when my border collie had to be put down in our home.

Tia was six months old then and even a couple of days before Jessie was put to sleep she wouldn't leave her side. (Jessie had her second stroke) I put a thread on 'Do dogs have a sixth sense.?

The following days were painful for everyone in our house including Tia.
At lunchtimes is usually our play and training times , but she didn't want to know.
It just broke my heart over again thinking that she too is suffering.
Even our walks wern't the same without Jessie.
But there is hope and a know its an old cliche but time is a great healer and your baby will get over it. Show her extra love if thats possible.Sending hugs

Amanda7 · 06-14-2009, 01:27 PM

My condolences on the loss of your beloved Charlie. Sending hugs and good wishes to you all.

twalla · 06-14-2009, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkie mad

In Feb I went through this when my border collie had to be put down in our home.

Tia was six months old then and even a couple of days before Jessie was put to sleep she wouldn't leave her side. (Jessie had her second stroke) I put a thread on 'Do dogs have a sixth sense.?

The following days were painful for everyone in our house including Tia.
At lunchtimes is usually our play and training times , but she didn't want to know.
It just broke my heart over again thinking that she too is suffering.
Even our walks wern't the same without Jessie.
But there is hope and a know its an old cliche but time is a great healer and your baby will get over it. Show her extra love if thats possible.Sending hugs

Thank you, that is what we are trying to do. We snuggle a bit longer than normal and share a few more kisses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amanda7

My condolences on the loss of your beloved Charlie. Sending hugs and good wishes to you all.

Thank you, that is very sweet.

zekie's mom · 06-14-2009, 03:19 PM

You are all probably going to think I am crazy, but when a pet or human dies the existing animals need to smell and spend time with the dead body. They then understand what has happened and no longer look for that member to return to them.

twalla · 06-14-2009, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zekie's mom

You are all probably going to think I am crazy, but when a pet or human dies the existing animals need to smell and spend time with the dead body. They then understand what has happened and no longer look for that member to return to them.

I dont think you are crazy. I never thought about that or heard of it. It kinda makes sense tho.

manolos mom · 06-14-2009, 03:25 PM

Twalla, change your routine up. If you go somewhere maybe get the car out of the garage first then come back in the house. Just do things different and they will come around. I mixed things up a little when I lost Angus. Mine all greived but when you change their routine will look at what you are doing. Believe me this worked for me. Did you bring back a blanket with Charlies scent. They need to smell that he is gone and even if you still have the shirt you wore let them smell. Good Luck I know it hurts for them and you. Im so sorry.....

capt_noonie · 06-14-2009, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zekie's mom

You are all probably going to think I am crazy, but when a pet or human dies the existing animals need to smell and spend time with the dead body. They then understand what has happened and no longer look for that member to return to them.

This was exactly what I was going to say. Animals understand death. I am assuming you had to put your dog to sleep at the vet's office and not your home? so they were unable to *say* goodbye to him. I believe your other dogs don't understand why he is no longer there. They will still look for him. Of course, they miss him! As do you I am sure.

I am sorry for your loss. Sending you *hugs* Time will heal your wounds.

Sweet Apple · 06-14-2009, 03:30 PM

It will just take time....I had to have my mastiff put down a couple of years ago, and the cat was soo depressed...they'd been together for 8 1/2 years...It took a couple of weeks...I also think they feel our sadness also, and, probably, when you are not quite so sad, they will sense that too...So sorry for your loss, and I really mean that...My heart ached for my dog, and I couldn't even get another one for a year and a half...I've got my Apple now, but I'm still feel sad, when I think of my Pebbles...I guess we just have to be thankful for the time we do have them....I'm sure your babies will be o.k. very soon....

oopsmyhalofello · 06-14-2009, 03:50 PM

I first would like to offer my condolences, RIP Charlie

I've only had 1 situation where I've had to deal with a grieving pet, we had 2 labs that were 2 years apart in age. We had to have the older of the 2 put down and the other was so depressed. I think she knew he wasn't coming back because she didn't seem to look for him, but she didn't want to play or anything. She acted that way for a long time, we did get another puppy after a little bit and it took her a while to even get near the new one, honestly she never really got to be very close and we ended up losing her less then a year after him.

Patti · 06-14-2009, 05:50 PM

I am sorry for the loss of your baby. My Pom passed in February and Pixie was extremely attached to her and watched over her. The first week she would look to see if Maya was in my arms every time I came home, she would lay where Maya always laid and was very sad for a couple of weeks. Then she gradually changed into a different dog, she started playing with toys, became more cuddly with me and became very close to Roxie. I just let her grieve and tried not to mention Maya's name because she would get all excited thinking Maya was home.

twalla · 06-15-2009, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by manolos mom

Twalla, change your routine up. If you go somewhere maybe get the car out of the garage first then come back in the house. Just do things different and they will come around. I mixed things up a little when I lost Angus. Mine all greived but when you change their routine will look at what you are doing. Believe me this worked for me. Did you bring back a blanket with Charlies scent. They need to smell that he is gone and even if you still have the shirt you wore let them smell. Good Luck I know it hurts for them and you. Im so sorry.....

I did let them smell my shirt, the towels and bed. Sam rolled around on it for a while and whimpered. I will switch up their routines to see if that helps. Thank you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

This was exactly what I was going to say. Animals understand death. I am assuming you had to put your dog to sleep at the vet's office and not your home? so they were unable to *say* goodbye to him. I believe your other dogs don't understand why he is no longer there. They will still look for him. Of course, they miss him! As do you I am sure.

I am sorry for your loss. Sending you *hugs* Time will heal your wounds.

I didnt do it here bc I didnt want that memory here, it was hard enough there. Hopefully the smelling will help. Thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Apple

It will just take time....I had to have my mastiff put down a couple of years ago, and the cat was soo depressed...they'd been together for 8 1/2 years...It took a couple of weeks...I also think they feel our sadness also, and, probably, when you are not quite so sad, they will sense that too...So sorry for your loss, and I really mean that...My heart ached for my dog, and I couldn't even get another one for a year and a half...I've got my Apple now, but I'm still feel sad, when I think of my Pebbles...I guess we just have to be thankful for the time we do have them....I'm sure your babies will be o.k. very soon....

Thank you, I hope so.

twalla · 06-15-2009, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oopsmyhalofello

I first would like to offer my condolences, RIP Charlie

I've only had 1 situation where I've had to deal with a grieving pet, we had 2 labs that were 2 years apart in age. We had to have the older of the 2 put down and the other was so depressed. I think she knew he wasn't coming back because she didn't seem to look for him, but she didn't want to play or anything. She acted that way for a long time, we did get another puppy after a little bit and it took her a while to even get near the new one, honestly she never really got to be very close and we ended up losing her less then a year after him.

Aww Im so sorry. Its the hardest thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patti

I am sorry for the loss of your baby. My Pom passed in February and Pixie was extremely attached to her and watched over her. The first week she would look to see if Maya was in my arms every time I came home, she would lay where Maya always laid and was very sad for a couple of weeks. Then she gradually changed into a different dog, she started playing with toys, became more cuddly with me and became very close to Roxie. I just let her grieve and tried not to mention Maya's name because she would get all excited thinking Maya was home.

We have been trying not to say Charlie either. This morning getting back to the work routine, I wasnt even thinking... I walked in the back and said, Come on Charlie lets go potty.

As soon as I said those words, I felt horrible. Sam and Martin started going in circles, whining and crying then I just sat in the floor and cried. Sam sat in front of the crate barking his head off wanting in it. Finally I got them to stop and we all just crawled back in bed.

TresCutePiggies · 06-15-2009, 11:24 AM

I don't have any other advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss of Charlie. I know it has to be hard on the entire family.

When my parents had two bullmastiffs, the female passed away in her sleep overnight from bloat. Ugh, I get sick just thinking of it. Both the male (who eventually became my dog) and female slept together in my parent's giant master bathroom, so he was with her when she passed, and he never looked for her. I suppose there must be some truth to animals understanding death.

blancla · 06-15-2009, 11:36 AM

I'm sorry for your loss.

Have you tried sitting down and talking to them and explaining what happened in detail. Have you told them that he is in a better place and doesn't hurt anymore? I have found that if I talk to my dogs like they are human, they tend to understand better. I know that some people think that it's silly, but I have found that it works great. I had a cat put down once, and I explained to everyone, the kids & the dogs, what was going on. Everyone had a rough time for about 2 weeks, and then things seemed to get better. They say that time heals and I truely believe that.

06-14-2009, 09:25 AM	#1
twalla I ♥ my Furheathens Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: VAN ALSTYNE Posts: 8,226	How to help them grieve? I dont know if this is the right section or not but this is where I am sticking it. This is long but wanted to explain everything. On Friday, I had to let my 13yr Pom/Chi mix, Charlie, go to his final resting place. Since then Sam (my Yorkie) and Martin (my poodle) have been depressed. They are not really eating, they drink some, no playing and just kind of lay around. Sam ALWAYS goes with me, yesterday he wouldn't come near me when I grabbed the car keys. Same with today. I am afraid that he thinks if he leaves with me that he won't come back Sam and Martin are both laying with me but that is the extent of it. Yesterday Sam got into Charlie and Martin's crate (all bedding has been emptied and crate cleaned), he just laid there on the plastic lining. He goes to certain places where Charlie would lay, sniffs, rolls around then just falls out on his tummy there, all sprawled out with his head down. It is really breaking my heart because I dont know what to do for them. My nieces are having a hard time. For the first time EVER my baby wouldnt spend the night with me, its just to soon for her. But at least with them, we can talk about it and I can help them grieve. I dont know how to help Martin and Sam. Does anyone have any do's or don'ts that they can suggest? __________________ Twalla & The Furheathens

06-14-2009, 10:01 AM	#2
yorkie mad ♥Tiny Tia my Furbaby♥ Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: portsmouth england Posts: 1,824 Blog Entries: 7	In Feb I went through this when my border collie had to be put down in our home. Tia was six months old then and even a couple of days before Jessie was put to sleep she wouldn't leave her side. (Jessie had her second stroke) I put a thread on 'Do dogs have a sixth sense.? The following days were painful for everyone in our house including Tia. At lunchtimes is usually our play and training times , but she didn't want to know. It just broke my heart over again thinking that she too is suffering. Even our walks wern't the same without Jessie. But there is hope and a know its an old cliche but time is a great healer and your baby will get over it. Show her extra love if thats possible.Sending hugs __________________ Lots of love from Julie , Olly &Tia's mummy. Yorkies leave paw prints on our hearts

06-14-2009, 01:27 PM	#3
Amanda7 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Northern New York Posts: 1,307	My condolences on the loss of your beloved Charlie. Sending hugs and good wishes to you all. __________________ Snickers & Baxter Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened.

06-14-2009, 03:19 PM	#5
zekie's mom YT Addict Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: PA & FL Posts: 403	Mourning You are all probably going to think I am crazy, but when a pet or human dies the existing animals need to smell and spend time with the dead body. They then understand what has happened and no longer look for that member to return to them.

06-14-2009, 03:25 PM	#7
manolos mom Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 7,982	Twalla, change your routine up. If you go somewhere maybe get the car out of the garage first then come back in the house. Just do things different and they will come around. I mixed things up a little when I lost Angus. Mine all greived but when you change their routine will look at what you are doing. Believe me this worked for me. Did you bring back a blanket with Charlies scent. They need to smell that he is gone and even if you still have the shirt you wore let them smell. Good Luck I know it hurts for them and you. Im so sorry..... __________________ Ethical Breeders follow and support http://www.ytca.org/

06-14-2009, 03:30 PM	#9
Sweet Apple Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Houston, Texas USA Posts: 2,473	It will just take time....I had to have my mastiff put down a couple of years ago, and the cat was soo depressed...they'd been together for 8 1/2 years...It took a couple of weeks...I also think they feel our sadness also, and, probably, when you are not quite so sad, they will sense that too...So sorry for your loss, and I really mean that...My heart ached for my dog, and I couldn't even get another one for a year and a half...I've got my Apple now, but I'm still feel sad, when I think of my Pebbles...I guess we just have to be thankful for the time we do have them....I'm sure your babies will be o.k. very soon....

06-14-2009, 03:50 PM	#10
oopsmyhalofello Just Pawz Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Liverpool, NY Posts: 1,827	I first would like to offer my condolences, RIP Charlie I've only had 1 situation where I've had to deal with a grieving pet, we had 2 labs that were 2 years apart in age. We had to have the older of the 2 put down and the other was so depressed. I think she knew he wasn't coming back because she didn't seem to look for him, but she didn't want to play or anything. She acted that way for a long time, we did get another puppy after a little bit and it took her a while to even get near the new one, honestly she never really got to be very close and we ended up losing her less then a year after him. __________________

06-14-2009, 05:50 PM	#11
Patti Donating YT 30K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 35,509 Blog Entries: 6	I am sorry for the loss of your baby. My Pom passed in February and Pixie was extremely attached to her and watched over her. The first week she would look to see if Maya was in my arms every time I came home, she would lay where Maya always laid and was very sad for a couple of weeks. Then she gradually changed into a different dog, she started playing with toys, became more cuddly with me and became very close to Roxie. I just let her grieve and tried not to mention Maya's name because she would get all excited thinking Maya was home. __________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html

06-15-2009, 11:24 AM	#14
TresCutePiggies Owned by Rory & Lane Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 1,893	I don't have any other advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss of Charlie. I know it has to be hard on the entire family. When my parents had two bullmastiffs, the female passed away in her sleep overnight from bloat. Ugh, I get sick just thinking of it. Both the male (who eventually became my dog) and female slept together in my parent's giant master bathroom, so he was with her when she passed, and he never looked for her. I suppose there must be some truth to animals understanding death. __________________ Rory and Lane now have a dog blog, Doggie Debutantes. Find us on Facebook here.

06-15-2009, 11:36 AM	#15
blancla YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Longwood, FL Posts: 1,122	I'm sorry for your loss. Have you tried sitting down and talking to them and explaining what happened in detail. Have you told them that he is in a better place and doesn't hurt anymore? I have found that if I talk to my dogs like they are human, they tend to understand better. I know that some people think that it's silly, but I have found that it works great. I had a cat put down once, and I explained to everyone, the kids & the dogs, what was going on. Everyone had a rough time for about 2 weeks, and then things seemed to get better. They say that time heals and I truely believe that.