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Old 12-24-2008, 06:44 PM   #1
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Unhappy really upset...

ok well my parents have been divorced since i was three and my dad remmaried soon after, me and my step mom have always had a good relationship so what she said to me tonight realllllly hurt. I took Bailee with me to my grandparents this evening for Christmas and my dad and them came with my two yr old sis and seven year old brother. My brother is excellent with Bailee but Zoe,my sis, is not. She is a wild child and does not do well with small dogs. I kno this because my step mom got a lil maltipoo a few weeks before I got Bailee. Zoe pics him up by the tail squeezes him trying to hold me and grabs him around the neck and much more. Needless to say I was watching her like a hawk and rarely let Bailee outta my lap. I let her down a min because she was getting sqirmy and of course Zoe makes a beeline for her and scoops her(not gently I might add) so i run up and grab her back. My step mom then looks at me and says "It is going to be a long with you and the dog staying with us before you go back to school."The comments continued all nite. What right does she have to tell me I need to stop being so overprotective. I am 18(which i kno is not grown up) but she is MY dog and MY baby and I just because she allows her dog to be treated badly does not mean Zoe will do that to mine! My dad didnt even take up for me. I said if it is going to be that big of a prob I will stay at my moms house. She then left without even telling me bye...How am I going to deal witht his all week?They already hate Bailee uses pee pads and dont want them in the house so I have to hear that and now this...way to ruin Christmas. How do I deal with this without getting upset?help please
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Old 12-24-2008, 07:05 PM   #2
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i kno its long but please someone...im so upset
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Old 12-24-2008, 07:09 PM   #3
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I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's hard enough staying at someone's house, and when they let you know you’re a nuisance, they can really make you feel bad. Know that this is her problem, you are not doing anything wrong. It is your job to protect your puppy and it sounds like you are doing a great job. I've noticed that people always say "over protective" when they are trying to manipulate you into doing something their way, you could just say something like, "well that might be true, but I'm just trying to be "protective. It's better to be a little over protective, than UNDER protective."

There are so many ways you could handle this situation. You could have a heart to heart with your dad; you could also have a heart to heart with your stepmother. You could also go stay at your mom's house. It sounds like your stepmother is insecure, some women don't like to be reminded that their husband ever loved anyone else and don't want him to share his love with his previous children. Sometimes, making them feel special helps soften them. Is there anything about her that you do like? You know if you can make her feel that you appreciate her and think she is special for allowing you to visit over the holidays, maybe she'll lighten up.

When you have skin kids, people will do the same thing, they always think they know what's best, and will have an opinion in how you are doing. Some people say you should just listen and say, that sounds like a great idea, and then do what you want.

I don't know how you can handle this without getting upset, just keep remembering, your doing what you thing is best, and that's all you can do. Hope she grows up soon.
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Old 12-24-2008, 07:19 PM   #4
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thank you so much, i dolike my stepmom and thats why it hurt so much...weve always been great friends...shes always been a bit snappy but never directed towards me. Ill be glad when Im back at my own apt wit my baby...I understand now how mothers feel. I usually try and let things role of my back but when it comes to Bailee, its not so easy to forget it, its my job to protect her, I cant blame my sis shes only 2 but my stepmom didnt need to be so mean...and owrst of all my dad did nothing..
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Old 12-24-2008, 07:25 PM   #5
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it's kind of hard when you are younger because they are your parents...hopefully in time they will see how responsible you are and appreciate that you are taking care of your little one. Just make sure you keep that baby safe. When I to my sisters house I taught my nephew to be gentle. Maybe you can take your little sister aside and show her, and teach her to be gentle. The best way to talk to your parents is when everything is cooled down, then you can tell them how you feel. (keeping it back won't help and hopefully by telling them calmly they will at least respect your wishes )
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Old 12-24-2008, 07:26 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherm0890 View Post
thank you so much, i dolike my stepmom and thats why it hurt so much...weve always been great friends...shes always been a bit snappy but never directed towards me. Ill be glad when Im back at my own apt wit my baby...I understand now how mothers feel. I usually try and let things role of my back but when it comes to Bailee, its not so easy to forget it, its my job to protect her, I cant blame my sis shes only 2 but my stepmom didnt need to be so mean...and owrst of all my dad did nothing..
This is so typical of men, they like to avoid conflicts, and if he sides with you, she'll probably let him have it. Maybe if you usually get along with her, you can act super apologetic, and say something about how you know it's an inconvenient having you there, and how the pee pads are such a nuance, and you just appreciate her soo much. Maybe that approach will make her feel guilty for acting like such a Grinch. You little sis, is just way to young to handle the dog. Maybe someone can give you advise on how to handle that, but I would be afraid Joey would bite a two year old that handled him roughly.
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Old 12-24-2008, 08:18 PM   #7
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thanks nancy,i kno since ive been in college its like its not really my home anymore,I do feel like a guest now. I hate to stay wit my mom becuz I love my dad and I try to split my time equally between them. I think it really bowls down to Bailee is verrrrrry well behaved. Ive never seen another puppy quite like her,I am sooo blessed I got her. She is excellent at going to the potty,never ever barks,rarely has accidents is fun and playful but still snuggly and loves her mommy the best. Wheras Oliver,my stepmoms malitipoo, is the exact opposite.He bites and nips terribly is super high strung( you just cant imagine) and sooo bad at potty training.I love him but hes nothing like Bailee. I think it gets to her I have the better one when it comes to behavior...which im not trying to say hes a bad dog cuz I love him,Bailee is just so wonderful,I hope you all understand what I am getting at...
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Old 12-24-2008, 08:33 PM   #8
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You are just being a good mom to Bailee and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about that. From what you have said about her dog it doesn't sound like she takes the time to properly train him , so the bond she has with her dog may not be a strong as yours and Bailee's so she can't see why you would act that way over a "dog".

Also since you took Bailee from your little sis ( which I completely understand), she might have went into overprotective mom roll herself , and got angry that you wouldn't let her hold the dog as she wanted. So she may have been taking that out on you.

I would just relax , take a deep breath and remember your dad loves you even if he tries to avoid conflict. Talk to your step mom and tell her your grateful for the relationship you two have had , and ask if something is wrong and how to positively go about fixing it.

I also like the suggestion of teaching your little sis the proper way to handle a dog, she may not do it always but at least she can be put in the right direction.
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Old 12-24-2008, 08:40 PM   #9
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yea me taking her could have upset her,really there where comments all night before that but maybe that set her off, youd have to meet my sis to understand but she is rather stubborn(terrible twos lol)she is good with her when I am holding Bailee,she kisses and pets her nicely but the second she knos Im not there she grabs her or pinches or something...i did teach this with my brother he is seven so now he is excellent with Bailee,maybe I need to try harder with her...maybe ill try to talk to em after tom,i dont wanna ruin christmas but they really arent the talking type so idk how itll go.
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Old 12-24-2008, 08:41 PM   #10
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You are just being a good mom to Bailee and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about that. From what you have said about her dog it doesn't sound like she takes the time to properly train him , so the bond she has with her dog may not be a strong as yours and Bailee's so she can't see why you would act that way over a "dog".
this is highly possible
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Old 12-24-2008, 09:18 PM   #11
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I'm surprised she wouldn't be a little more appreciative that you have such a well trained/behaved dog. I mean, would she rather her use the bathroom somewhere in the house?? Why wouldn't she want pp pads? It's only while you are there. I can understand if she would rather Bailee go outside..anyone would. But they should praise you for being responsible enough to have a backup plan, in order to respect their home as much as possible. Also, anyone with a small dog and a small child should always be watching them closely at all times. Do they not know just how fragile a small dog's bones are?

Like others suggested, you could talk to your dad and just let him know your feelings, that you are trying to be and are a responsible dog owner and you would think they would respect that. Hopefully, it can be worked out quickly so there's no tension and you all can enjoy the holidays! Good Luck
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Old 12-25-2008, 04:10 AM   #12
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k here is the advice of a professional school counselor.......You NEVER said a word wrong, but your actions showed what your step mother already knows......Little Miss ZOE is not a well trained child. She is the baby (and probably last) of marriage #2.....your Dad is where my X-husband is now, will do anything to avoid conflict in the new, and hopefully last marriage.

Now if you are going to make peace, and visit/live or whatever in that household your focus has to go to ZOE. You need to spend time with her correcting her bad dog behavior with your dog and the step Mom's. But this must be done VERY delicately....No doubt, you step in immediately when you see her taking dogs by the neck, tail, fore legs, etc....but try rewarding ZOe when she is gentle, nice, a good girl... with your Mom's dog...don't let her have your dog without supervision, and in VERY short intervals.

Work with her real hard on compassion and hurt feelings etc. Still I wouldn't turn my back on her. Also praise the older brother who "gets it" alot where she can hear it about how WELL he does with the dogs, this SHOULD make her want to copy his behavior.

WIth the step Mom .deflect conversation off the dog issue as much as possible and talk about other stuff you have common ground on. Also compliment SOMETHING she is doing with ZOe, because your recognition of the fact that she is not doing well with the dog makes mother KNOW that she is failing in some area in her rearing of ZOE..

I'd gather that she is a middle-aged Mom with a new last chance at a family, and not as energetic and hands-on as need be, so she's feeling worn out by these two kids, a maltese, a step daughter and her dog , and your Dad.....LOL

Good luck.
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