Desparate for an answer

[93kathy10]

I haven't wanted to write about this before, but the situation is escalating, so I'm hoping you can help me. I am handicapped, in a wheelchair, and live with my son and his wife and 4 kids. It's either this or a nursing home. The problem is that my DIL sees my 3 yr old yorkie as a dangerous, aggressive, menace. My trainer had reinforced this (though she only saw that behavior once when Molly barked at her) and insisted on drastic training measures. In all her other training sessions she has been very good - no aggression with other dogs and people.

I love her dearly and I know I see her through another set of lenses but she is just not the menace they say. She does bark at strangers, but I put her in her kennel until she settles down, then she can come out and greet them.
As soon as she smells their legs, she is all friends. She did bite my grandson's neighbor (who was throwing apples at her) two years ago but that is the only time she has ever broken skin. She has "nipped" others (mouthed their hands), like when my DIL tried to take a treat away from her. And she has grabbed the pants legs twice of workmen at the house.

My DIL will tell you she has bitten 16 people and growled at others. But the fact is that my DIL hates her and has since day 1. Now my DIL want to take over her training. This means that she will make Molly sit/lie/stay before she gets her food. That's fine - I do that too. But Molly has to do it IMMEDIATELY or the bowl is gone until the next meal. She is OK with her going several days without food and I am not.

When I complained last Thursday my DIL threw the food and me and said - "you take over then" and hasn't spoken to me since.

Of couse I don't want Molly to bite anyone and I am working hard with her to make sure she never has the opportunity. She is on leash and under my control at all times. She is settling down very quickly now when people come. I've pottytrained her (she wasn't when I got her), and she will sit/stay, down/stay, beg, touch, shake, up, down, etc. I got her when my husband died and she fills a huge hole in my heart. She is sooo loving and sweet. I can't have her put down. What shall I do? I love my DIL too.
Kathy

[RONLYNN]

Wow...I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. I just watched the dog whisperer last night and it was an episode about a dog that had issues and it ended up beging because the husband didn't want the dog and the dog sensed it....but by the end of the show he ended up liking the dog and all was good. I hope everything works out but it doesn't sound like a good situation for you or your pup.

[YorkieAunt]

Is you DIL familiar with the Yorkie breed? Maybe educating her about the breed might help. Yorkies will try and protected by barking. What about an obidience class that you could take the dog to? I know that there are classes that can and will accomadate dog owners in wheelchairs or with splecial needs. Might be something to look into, that why your DIL sees that you are trying something and you still get to actually do the training.

[sweetr72]

Ok..I am not alright with your DIL throwing the food at you...someone needs some training and its not your dog!! That is downright childish!! I feel for your situation..I have a feeling that even if your dog was the best behaved dog in the world she wouldnt be happy??? I would bite someone if they were throwing apples or trying to take treats from me too!! And you DIL CANNOT withhold food from her??? Thats nuts!! I know you love her but her actions speak louder than words to me..what does your son say about all this? Does she wear the pants in the family? I would have a heart to heart with them as this seems to be a tad out of control or is starting too get out of control...

Dawn

[Yorkieville200]

Hi, Kathy.

My heart ached as I read your post. I am so sorry that you are in this position.

I would suggest trying a different trainer, one that uses positive reinforcement.

I think you really need to impress upon your DIL just how much you need Molly, since your husband passed away. I am so sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't allow her to take over Mollys training because frankly, her taking away Mollys food until the next meal is just downright cruel and inhumane. It's also dangerous for a Yorkie to go without food. And it only teaches Molly that your DIL is mean.

Is it possible for you to keep Molly with you, in a separate area of your son & DIL's home? Particularly when there are workmen etc. in the home?

Please, please don't even consider putting Molly down.

Believe me, I understand that Molly fills that huge hole in your heart. I have two Yorkies and I am in bad health, and they keep me going.

I feel pity for your DIL. She doesn't seem to realize that there will come a day, she may be in your shoes and wish she had been more compassionate.

I would tell her that you love her, apppreciate that you live in her home and ask her to be more patient as you train Molly.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Sheila

[GG3]

Your DIL does not seem like a nice person. I dont mean to offend you. What did she do when her children had accidents? What does your son do about this??? Your DIL is soo out of line and your son needs to know.

[yorkie mom-3]

Originally Posted by sweetr72

Ok..I am not alright with your DIL throwing the food at you...someone needs some training and its not your dog!! That is downright childish!! I feel for your situation..I have a feeling that even if your dog was the best behaved dog in the world she wouldnt be happy??? I would bite someone if they were throwing apples or trying to take treats from me too!! And you DIL CANNOT withhold food from her??? Thats nuts!! I know you love her but her actions speak louder than words to me..what does your son say about all this? Does she wear the pants in the family? I would have a heart to heart with them as this seems to be a tad out of control or is starting too get out of control...

Dawn

I tend to agree with what has been said above. Can you talk about this with your son? Just the two of you?

[oopsmyhalofello]

Wow, what an awful situation to be in. I'm hoping that your DIL is actual a kinder person then we can see through your post. Regardless of that, just knowing that she was trying to train your baby (even though it was in an incorrect way) shows that she wants to be able to make this work. I can feel for her a bit to in that she is probably worried that your dog may bite her child given the past aggression she has seen. Would it be possible to hire an obedience training that uses positive reinforcement to come into the home and work with both you and your DIL? That way your DIL would learn a better way to train the dog, and you would maybe have a sense of togetherness with this?

[s13silviagirl]

Kathy, I am so sorry. What kind of person throws dog food at another person in rage? I agree, downright childish! It sounds to me like your baby has made improvements, not just in small stages, but in leaps and bounds! If you get tired of her, you can come live CA when I am back and you can enjoy the good CA life!

[tjdmom]

Gosh! I just so feel for you but don't know what advice to give. It sounds like a really difficult situation! I think I would say to try a different trainer and one who can work with your daughter in law as well. I would think all the family members really need to be on board with this. I imagine your dil must really love you if she is allowing you to live there and in some respects is trying to help with Molly even if I don't agree with her tactics. I think I would really have a heart to heart with her and try to let her know how hard this is for you but also let her know how much you appreciate her. If you can somehow find a way to get her on board with this, well frankly, I think it's the only way to get things to work out. I wish you luck with this however you decide to resolve it. Just know we are all here for you!

[patty58]

My heart is breaking for you and your situation. It sounds to me like your dil doesn't like the whole situation. I have a lump in my chest just thinking of you. Please don't let your dil take over the training of your baby. I think that would be disasterous. My Murfee has nipped at people but it is usually when they are teasing or getting in his face. When we are around other people I just usually hold him. He gets agitated when we are around crowds and their is lots of noise. I'm sure with 4 kids around that it gets loud Does your son agree with his wife? If you would have to move, there are other places besides nursing homes. I have my mother in one now. You can PM me if you want info. You are in my prayers. Patty

[chattiesmom]

Like the other posters, my heart is breaking. I cannot imagine your dil being so "hard hearted" about your dear little companion. I don't think that starving your sweet little one is "training", in my book that constitutes abuse. I agree that on sit/stay or down/stay as a prerequisit for putting a food bowl down, but training must occur before you can expect it to happen regularly.

I know that you must feel trapped in your situation. It sounds like your Yorkie is hper-protective of you and has taken that protectiveness one step too far. I sincerely hope that you are able to get everything resolved. Have you talked to you son? Perhaps you could check about assisted living facilities - many of those allow dogs.

Good luck to you. I will keep you close to my heart and in my prayers. Please keep us updated, 'cause we will worry about you.

[MaxwellHouse]

Originally Posted by Yorkieville200

Hi, Kathy.

My heart ached as I read your post. I am so sorry that you are in this position.

I would suggest trying a different trainer, one that uses positive reinforcement.

I think you really need to impress upon your DIL just how much you need Molly, since your husband passed away. I am so sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't allow her to take over Mollys training because frankly, her taking away Mollys food until the next meal is just downright cruel and inhumane. It's also dangerous for a Yorkie to go without food. And it only teaches Molly that your DIL is mean.

Is it possible for you to keep Molly with you, in a separate area of your son & DIL's home? Particularly when there are workmen etc. in the home?

Please, please don't even consider putting Molly down.

Believe me, I understand that Molly fills that huge hole in your heart. I have two Yorkies and I am in bad health, and they keep me going.

I feel pity for your DIL. She doesn't seem to realize that there will come a day, she may be in your shoes and wish she had been more compassionate.

I would tell her that you love her, apppreciate that you live in her home and ask her to be more patient as you train Molly.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Sheila

Great post. Ditto. You seem to have the DIL from H--L. I had one of those and my heart goes out to you. My DIL would go nuts if she heard a whine or smelled a smell. Hopefully your son will man-up and help you in this situation to the benefit of all, esp. you and your little furbaby.

[Deenie]

OMG, I couldn't imagine having someone throw food at me. I'd never do that to my MIL. My husband wouldn't like it either! Now there have been times we could have thrown food at eachother but jeez, she's got some emotional issues and I doubt it has anything to do with your dog. I'm very sorry.

Do not let her abuse you like that and I'd keep your dog away from her

[Gingergirlsmom]

Originally Posted by oopsmyhalofello

Wow, what an awful situation to be in. I'm hoping that your DIL is actual a kinder person then we can see through your post. Regardless of that, just knowing that she was trying to train your baby (even though it was in an incorrect way) shows that she wants to be able to make this work. I can feel for her a bit to in that she is probably worried that your dog may bite her child given the past aggression she has seen. Would it be possible to hire an obedience training that uses positive reinforcement to come into the home and work with both you and your DIL? That way your DIL would learn a better way to train the dog, and you would maybe have a sense of togetherness with this?

Good post! While I agree that it sounds like your DIL is handling this whole thing very poorly, getting angry at her at this point will only make the problem worse. I think that the two of you working together with a qualified trainer to improve this situation is the best answer. Even though your baby might not be the menace your DIL claims, nipping humans (even if the skin doesn't break) should not be considered acceptable. Please consider following this posters advice!