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Old 09-09-2013, 07:02 AM   #1
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Default When is it too much togetherness?

Am I hurting Annie by spending too much time with her? She has never left my side since we got her in August. On the ride home after adopting her, she only wanted my husband, then once we got home, she took to me. Hubby gets her up in the morning and does her whole food/potty routine, but she whines and squirms until I get up. Then she runs from him to me, and stays with me until we go to bed. She follows me everywhere and demands that I put her play pen in the doorway of the bathroom so that she can constantly see me.

Am I wrong in letting her do this? If you can't tell, I am a mamby pamby when it comes to her. I feel as though her life before was terrible, and I just to reassure her that I am not gong anywhere.

I am terrified at the thought of going grocery shopping for fear she will panic when we leave.

Thanks!

Katheleen
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Old 09-09-2013, 07:16 AM   #2
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Gosh.... good question. I guess I'd slowly try to acclimate her a few minutes at a time to you being out of her sight. Treat and reward, then extend the time she can't see you. Eventually build up to going out the door for a few, and keep extending the time and see how she does. The only way she'll learn that you'll be back is by repetition, hopefully. If that doesn't work, get a carry bag and take her with you!
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Old 09-09-2013, 07:38 AM   #3
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Thanks for the great suggestion! I will give that a try and see what happens.

Thanks,

Katheleen
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Old 09-09-2013, 09:36 AM   #4
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I think you do need to get her used to being without you. There will be times in the future where you may not have a choice. What if you have an emergency & have to be hospitalized? Or if a family member does & you need to be there? I'm not trying to be morbid, I'm just thinking of possible worst case examples.
I would start by leaving her briefly & slowly increase the time away, letting her learn that shes OK, and that you always come back. Good luck with your sweet girl!
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Old 09-10-2013, 02:11 AM   #5
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Thanks to you both for your advice. I totally agree that she needs to learn that she will be ok without us and that we will always return to her.

Question - how do I confine her? I have a play pen in our upstairs family room that I first used when we got her so that I could confine her until she got used to things. I also used this as a place for her to sleep at night, but have since changed to her wire kennel that is now placed next to our bed. This has worked out GREAT!!!

So, should I use the play pen so as not to confuse her? She will potty in the play pen because of its roominess. When her kennel was placed in the kitchen, she was terrified and would just shake like crazy.

Thanks,

Katheleen
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Old 09-10-2013, 12:08 PM   #6
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I can sort of relate to how you feel. I was paranoid of leaving Magnus/Zoey. Even though they didn't like me leaving, they were fine. I think it was more me that needed to relax.

The first time I knew I was going to be gone for more than 30 min, I set up my laptops and ipad to record Magnus/Zoey. When I came back and watch, I felt a lot better about leaving them alone for longer period of time.

Now, on days I know I won't be back in few hours, I set up my laptop in position so I can use my smartphone to remote into it. By doing that, I can start up video chat and see what they're up to.

I guess it's a form of stalking my furbutts.. LOL
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Old 09-10-2013, 12:12 PM   #7
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Quote:
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Gosh.... good question. I guess I'd slowly try to acclimate her a few minutes at a time to you being out of her sight. Treat and reward, then extend the time she can't see you. Eventually build up to going out the door for a few, and keep extending the time and see how she does. The only way she'll learn that you'll be back is by repetition, hopefully. If that doesn't work, get a carry bag and take her with you!
Agree. Teach her to be independent and be able to be happy when you are not around so when you have to leave her with someone for a business trip or getaway, she won't be miserable and make their lives miserable. Some dogs are so attached to their owners they whine and pace a good deal of the time they are away from their owner and won't eat, etc.
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Old 09-16-2013, 09:34 AM   #8
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HAHAHA!!!!!

I tried putting Annie in the kitchen (it's gated off) while hubby and I did yard work. When I came into the house, she was right there to greet me!! LOL!! Not sure how she got out, but just shows her determination to not be left alone. She looked soooo cute when she met me at the door, so I couldn't be upset with her.

I am trying to leave her alone for short periods of time hoping the kitchen would work for confinement. Now I wonder if I need to kennel her when we leave.

What do you guys think?

PS...when we took her to the vet today, he commented that Yokie's are the most stubborn little dogs!! HAHA!! Not telling me something I didn't already know!!
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Old 09-16-2013, 09:54 AM   #9
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Jess used to go in a 5ft long crate with a top. She got so she hated it and started pooping in the potty side but then stepping in it and dragging it everywhere. I now gate her off in the mudroom with room to move around freely, water, an outside open air bed and a small wire crate that's covered with a blanket in case she gets frightened. She seems pretty happy there, although she jumps like crazy when we come home. I started with 30 mins then an hour then 2 and have left her up to five with no problem
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Old 09-16-2013, 10:06 AM   #10
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I would definitely continue to work on letting her see that separation from you or your husband is not a bad thing. Separation anxiety is something that is really hard to treat the older a dog gets. I know its really hard and we let our feelings get in the way but in reality they are not going to die or be harmed by being alone for a few hours at a time ...

I started with Holly after about a week of getting her .... We live in an apartment and would go down to get the mail which took about 15 mins (its a large apartment block) ... I made no fuss leaving ... didn't do any of the high pitched or cutsie "I'll be back" voices that many of us do ... simply just left .. I heard her whimpering at the door but just had to keep walking, any attention given after leaving just feeds the anxiety .... when I came back I came in made no contact with her ... no excitement and loud or high pitch voices saying "did you miss me" or good girl etc .... once she had calmed down I sat on the couch and let her come get some attention and praise. Basically coming home like nothing is wrong to give her the message that its fine for me to leave, its no big deal kind of thing ....

2 months down the road we can leave at any time for hours at a time to do shopping .. we saw a movie on the weekend and when we get home most times she's been asleep and barley aware that we've been gone .... I always make sure to make no fuss at all when we get home... my belief is that making a party when you get home makes it a big deal and adds to the problem of us leaving ....

As for kenneling her .. that's a hard one ... we would have her in the bathroom the first few times we left as that's where her potty pads are .... with in a few weeks we let her have access to the living room, kitchen and bathroom (bedroom doors are closed) we are confident in her potty training so we can do this ... if not we would fence off the kitchen that has access to the bathroom and pee pads .... getting appropriate fencing is key as well ... it can be more expensive but stops them getting out and peeing in the house or chewing things :-)

not sure if you have kids or not but in some ways its the same concept .. if we let our kids cling to us constantly things like going to school become a disaster down the road ... independence is a good and healthy thing for humans and for dogs .. they are missing out on part of there life if they don't gain their independence (that's what I think anyway)

And yes Yorkies are one of the most stubborn of breeds out there and they are the master manipulators ... they look so sweet and frail but in reality they are some of the toughest little tikes out there :-)

Good luck ... you are going to do fine .. its very very apparent you love your fur baby to pieces and that alone is an awesome thing :-)
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Old 09-16-2013, 08:37 PM   #11
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I'm probably the wrong person to answer lol, me and Joel have been together almost 24/7 since he came home at 8wks and he's almost 2 haha but I still don't regret it, he's surprisingly on the independent side and when I am gone he just looks out the window. So I would say it's fine hehe but it depends on the dog.
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Old 09-18-2013, 02:31 AM   #12
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I would definitely continue to work on letting her see that separation from you or your husband is not a bad thing. Separation anxiety is something that is really hard to treat the older a dog gets. I know its really hard and we let our feelings get in the way but in reality they are not going to die or be harmed by being alone for a few hours at a time ...

I started with Holly after about a week of getting her .... We live in an apartment and would go down to get the mail which took about 15 mins (its a large apartment block) ... I made no fuss leaving ... didn't do any of the high pitched or cutsie "I'll be back" voices that many of us do ... simply just left .. I heard her whimpering at the door but just had to keep walking, any attention given after leaving just feeds the anxiety .... when I came back I came in made no contact with her ... no excitement and loud or high pitch voices saying "did you miss me" or good girl etc .... once she had calmed down I sat on the couch and let her come get some attention and praise. Basically coming home like nothing is wrong to give her the message that its fine for me to leave, its no big deal kind of thing ....

2 months down the road we can leave at any time for hours at a time to do shopping .. we saw a movie on the weekend and when we get home most times she's been asleep and barley aware that we've been gone .... I always make sure to make no fuss at all when we get home... my belief is that making a party when you get home makes it a big deal and adds to the problem of us leaving ....

As for kenneling her .. that's a hard one ... we would have her in the bathroom the first few times we left as that's where her potty pads are .... with in a few weeks we let her have access to the living room, kitchen and bathroom (bedroom doors are closed) we are confident in her potty training so we can do this ... if not we would fence off the kitchen that has access to the bathroom and pee pads .... getting appropriate fencing is key as well ... it can be more expensive but stops them getting out and peeing in the house or chewing things :-)

not sure if you have kids or not but in some ways its the same concept .. if we let our kids cling to us constantly things like going to school become a disaster down the road ... independence is a good and healthy thing for humans and for dogs .. they are missing out on part of there life if they don't gain their independence (that's what I think anyway)

And yes Yorkies are one of the most stubborn of breeds out there and they are the master manipulators ... they look so sweet and frail but in reality they are some of the toughest little tikes out there :-)

Good luck ... you are going to do fine .. its very very apparent you love your fur baby to pieces and that alone is an awesome thing :-)
I'm glad to hear that you feel the same way I do about not making a big deal when leaving. I put her in her play pen, kiss her head, and leave. I do this every time I need to leave her. I didn't want to get her all excited by using a high pitched voice and tell her that I was leaving. Worked ok until yesterday. DH and I left to run some errands, I followed the same routine and we left. While we were I the garage, we heard this terrible thumping, and DH asked if that was her. I said she was probably jumping in her pen, which she sometimes does when we first leave.

Got home and there she was! Of course, she pottied in the great room! DH was not happy! Our carpet is a white Berber, and it is sooooo hard to find her wee spots. So now, I am going to have to kennel her so that she can't get out.

I love her to death!! She's an excellent trainer, and I should be fully trained in no time!!
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Old 09-18-2013, 02:45 AM   #13
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I'm probably the wrong person to answer lol, me and Joel have been together almost 24/7 since he came home at 8wks and he's almost 2 haha but I still don't regret it, he's surprisingly on the independent side and when I am gone he just looks out the window. So I would say it's fine hehe but it depends on the dog.
Rachel, love hearing about you and Joel.

I just recently retired, so being home all day is the norm for me. Maybe once or twice a week, hubby and I run errands, so Annie and I are pretty much together all the time. I hope as time goes by and she gets more comfortable with us and builds some trust, it will get better.
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Old 09-18-2013, 11:45 AM   #14
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I believe with age and maturity, and practice, it does get better. My boys are never home alone. However, last fall when dad was in the hospital, I had to leave the doggies alone for the first time. I videotaped them while I was gone and watched the video in fast forward. Teddy laid in his bed by the door, and Max stayed in his bed under my kitchen chair almost the whole time.

Recently, I have started working in my upstairs office late at night and leaving the dogs in the family room (because Teddy hates the office). They have gotten used to the "separation" and I think it is good for them.
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Old 09-19-2013, 01:51 AM   #15
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Kristin, I agree with you that separation is good for them. I had to leave Annie yesterday and put her in her kennel. She seemed to do really well, and was so happy to see us when we got home. Then everything changed. Her potty routine changed...she refused to go potty on her wee pad, pottied on the deck, and refused to potty before bed. Ugh....she such a stubborn little stinker.

This morning, everything seems fine. Followed her routine, and is now sleeping next to me.
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