Jack's last gift
This is a personal story that a couple weeks ago I would have never dreamed of sharing with anyone. But the outpouring of condolences over Jack's passing makes me think you guys might appreciate it, and more, benefit from the lesson I learned from Jack today.
A couple months ago, I started seeing a licensed clinical therapist because of stress at work. That's the personal part. I'm not nuts or anything, lol, but I was feeling pretty miserable. Two years ago, I was placed in a supervisory position that I've hated. I've worked at the same place for 24 years, and I loathed the idea of being the boss. I've always resisted management. I don't feel qualified or smart enough. But a hiring freeze locked me into the "interim" role, and that's where I'm at today.
Each week, the therapist and I have talked about what brings on the stress. Part of it came down to esteem issues. I am the youngest of six, and I could never live up to my big brothers and sisters. I developed a complex that's followed me my whole life. I never think I'm good enough at anything. It's never stopped me trying and I'm not depressed, but you can see how that would make it tough to be a leader.
So today, with my eyes closed and my mind relaxed, the therapist, as usual, was encouraging me to accept my feelings. It drives me crazy. I pour out my heart and soul, and he just says "Can you accept that?"
Suddenly, an image of Jack came into my mind. It was clear as a photograph; in fact, I think the image is a picture I've taken at one time in the past. He had long, beautiful, golden hair. I never figured out how he could look so good because I seldom brushed him. It was a natural look. Ruggedly handsome without being ratty. Almost GQ.
In the picture in my mind, he was sitting and looking extremely confident. This was a dog who was comfortable with who he was. There was no nervousness. No worries. He looked regal.
My first thought was that I was just getting distracted from the subject at hand. I even told the therapist as much. It almost felt like I was falling into a dream.
Suddenly, it clicked. Maybe this was Jack's last gift to me. Here was a four-pound dog who was old, scrawny, hunchbacked, a yapper who never quite mastered the whole potty training thing. He knew one trick, spin. He couldn't keep up on walks and had to be carried on snow days. Eddie used to beat him up. People who have no appreciation of little dogs used to tease me for owning such a "worthless" dog.
The message that became so clear was this: If Jack was comfortable with who he was, why can't I be comfortable with who I am? Jack didn't want to be a big dog. He didn't have to know all the tricks that Eddie knows. He was perfectly happy just being Jack. He was confident, capable and feared nothing. Not even Eddie.
As the tears started coming down my face, it sunk in. Look at the impact Jack made in his life! Since he died 10 days ago, the condolences have hardly slowed. I've heard from people all over the country, all over the world. Some told me that Jack brought back memories of a dog they lost. Others said they admired his pluck. Some even said he changed their lives in one way or another. Most said he brightened their day. Amazing.
I got it. I don't have to be a big dog to get what I want out of life. I just have to be me. I'm perfectly capable of doing that.
Some may say the vision was divine intervention, and who knows, maybe it was. Some will say it was Jack's spirit sending me a message. I don't know. I tend to think it was Jack's way of paying me back for rescuing him and giving him the respect he deserved. It took his death for me to let down my guard and let it sink in.
I used to tell people that I rescued Jack and Jack rescued me. I felt that way, but I never really understood why. I do now.
Thanks, Jack. I get it.
(This isn't the shot, but it's close)
A couple months ago, I started seeing a licensed clinical therapist because of stress at work. That's the personal part. I'm not nuts or anything, lol, but I was feeling pretty miserable. Two years ago, I was placed in a supervisory position that I've hated. I've worked at the same place for 24 years, and I loathed the idea of being the boss. I've always resisted management. I don't feel qualified or smart enough. But a hiring freeze locked me into the "interim" role, and that's where I'm at today.
Each week, the therapist and I have talked about what brings on the stress. Part of it came down to esteem issues. I am the youngest of six, and I could never live up to my big brothers and sisters. I developed a complex that's followed me my whole life. I never think I'm good enough at anything. It's never stopped me trying and I'm not depressed, but you can see how that would make it tough to be a leader.
So today, with my eyes closed and my mind relaxed, the therapist, as usual, was encouraging me to accept my feelings. It drives me crazy. I pour out my heart and soul, and he just says "Can you accept that?"
Suddenly, an image of Jack came into my mind. It was clear as a photograph; in fact, I think the image is a picture I've taken at one time in the past. He had long, beautiful, golden hair. I never figured out how he could look so good because I seldom brushed him. It was a natural look. Ruggedly handsome without being ratty. Almost GQ.
In the picture in my mind, he was sitting and looking extremely confident. This was a dog who was comfortable with who he was. There was no nervousness. No worries. He looked regal.
My first thought was that I was just getting distracted from the subject at hand. I even told the therapist as much. It almost felt like I was falling into a dream.
Suddenly, it clicked. Maybe this was Jack's last gift to me. Here was a four-pound dog who was old, scrawny, hunchbacked, a yapper who never quite mastered the whole potty training thing. He knew one trick, spin. He couldn't keep up on walks and had to be carried on snow days. Eddie used to beat him up. People who have no appreciation of little dogs used to tease me for owning such a "worthless" dog.
The message that became so clear was this: If Jack was comfortable with who he was, why can't I be comfortable with who I am? Jack didn't want to be a big dog. He didn't have to know all the tricks that Eddie knows. He was perfectly happy just being Jack. He was confident, capable and feared nothing. Not even Eddie.
As the tears started coming down my face, it sunk in. Look at the impact Jack made in his life! Since he died 10 days ago, the condolences have hardly slowed. I've heard from people all over the country, all over the world. Some told me that Jack brought back memories of a dog they lost. Others said they admired his pluck. Some even said he changed their lives in one way or another. Most said he brightened their day. Amazing.
I got it. I don't have to be a big dog to get what I want out of life. I just have to be me. I'm perfectly capable of doing that.
Some may say the vision was divine intervention, and who knows, maybe it was. Some will say it was Jack's spirit sending me a message. I don't know. I tend to think it was Jack's way of paying me back for rescuing him and giving him the respect he deserved. It took his death for me to let down my guard and let it sink in.
I used to tell people that I rescued Jack and Jack rescued me. I felt that way, but I never really understood why. I do now.
Thanks, Jack. I get it.
(This isn't the shot, but it's close)
Comments 23
Total Comments 23
Comments
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself and what you learned from Jack. I too suffer from self esteem issues and your words really hit home for me. I fell in love with little Jack from the first video I saw of him on here and knew he was a gift for us all to treasure. It just wasnt until now I realized what lesson he was here to teach me. | |
Posted 02-18-2009 at 03:27 AM by sherrijmkassie |
You have a way with words,a way of bringing the story to one's own heart.I am brought to tears when I read your story about Jack,but am also brought much laughter when I have read about Jack and Eddie's antics.Thank you for being a part of YT and verbalizing what many of us could never do. | |
Posted 02-18-2009 at 08:29 AM by journey826 |
Aww... Are you trying to make me cry, now? I'm am sending you a PM with more to say... | |
Posted 02-18-2009 at 05:00 PM by C101Yorkie |
I just read this again. Of course you're smart enough for the job!! And you don't have to be better than your brothers and sisters! Of course, I'm the first child, so I can't really follow my own advice. You're great just the way you are! You can do whatever you want. You don't have to think you're "good enough," just do your best! Which will probably be "good enough" anyway. I bet your brothers and sisters don't have dogs as talented as yours! | |
Posted 02-19-2009 at 02:12 PM by C101Yorkie |
Oh, great. More good advice. That's all I need is to have visions of a Yodalike teenager haunting my dreams. | |
Posted 02-19-2009 at 02:38 PM by alaskayorkie |
You're welcome! | |
Posted 02-19-2009 at 02:39 PM by C101Yorkie |
Mike, These little guys are so powerful, but we all knew that already. Thanks for sharing. Bob | |
Posted 02-20-2009 at 07:19 AM by ltret0294 |
Mike, I was also the youngest of six. I can so relate to what you wrote, and as always, your writing has an impact. I think you've been blessed with the gift of Jack and what he has taught you. He was just as blessed to have you in his life. My words often fail me, so sorry if this makes no sense, lol I have always loved that photo of Jack! | |
Posted 02-20-2009 at 02:03 PM by AprilLove |
Thank you for considering us family enough to share this personal story. I am happy to know a little more about "you"; I too come from a large family and am 2nd to the youngest out of 12 kids. I also have esteem issues; whether it is due from my place in line or just my shyness, I can relate to what you're saying. As far as your vision of Jack? As I read your description of what you saw, I knew instantly what it meant and believe that is exactly the reason the picture came to your mind. I am happy that Jack could send you that last gift thanking you for all that you did for him. Beautiful! | |
Posted 02-21-2009 at 09:05 AM by luckylady |
Oh Mike what a great story. I love stories of dogs "living on" and still making a difference.. and of course Jack would be the dog to do that | |
Posted 02-21-2009 at 10:16 AM by marcerella02 |
Im just now reading this and like you I dont understand it all. but I to belived Minnie has givien me many gifts sence that day. one was my sons GF. we never hit it off and well she seemed to never really like me. and she would always say some thing hateful and so I would too. I have a grandbaby by this person and have told her many times lets put it all be hind us for the child. shes not a bad person and neither am I... but for some reason we both started out bad. well just a few hours after Minnie died the phone rang. it was her , she has never called me. she asked if she could come visit. I told her not today. she said im so sorry for the way ive acted and from this day I just felt I had to tell you that I want things between us to change. I said I do too. and just last night she sent me a message saying I love you. ( I really think Minnie knew this laid heavy on my heart and she some how brought us togeher as Family. I also felt I had to make things right with people even if I felt I wasnt in the wrong.so I did I told those people Im sorry and well if they accept that then great. I did my part and its up to them now to let it go. theres many more things that has happened but Ill stop for now. This just may be a gift from Jack. but I dont think it will be the last. | |
Posted 02-21-2009 at 03:59 PM by YorkieShadow Updated 02-21-2009 at 04:01 PM by YorkieShadow |
Thanks, everybody. I'm glad you appreciate it as I did. And YorkieShadow, that's a terrific example of the same thing. One part of me wishes I understood and the other part of me just accepts it as a gift. I really think the more we give our pups, the more we get back. Thanks for sharing. | |
Posted 02-21-2009 at 05:31 PM by alaskayorkie |
Thanks so much for sharing Jack, Eddie, and Rusty with us. It is amazing how they come into our lives and make us better people. We will miss Jack. | |
Posted 02-22-2009 at 03:20 PM by auddoc06 |
Isn't it amazing how such a wee pup wiggles so deeply in our hearts, and losing them enables all of our emotions to "bubble up to the surface"? Sophie's passing, reading "It's Okay to Cry" by Maria Luz Quintana, writing in a journal every day helped to open flood gates of tears that I had buried for years. I miss her daily but she left me with the most wonderful memories. Bless you, Mike, your wife, and the rest of your beloved animal family. Congratulations on your journey to self-discovery. Warmly, Deborah | |
Posted 03-23-2009 at 08:18 PM by SophieRose |
That story touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes! I can very much relate to your story. Thanks for sharing it! | |
Posted 05-20-2009 at 06:07 PM by mojo |
Aww, little Jack is still teaching. Brings a tear to my eye. Yeah, it's been a couple months since I wrote that, and the thought of him and his confidence hasn't left me. It's really changed my life. | |
Posted 05-20-2009 at 07:46 PM by alaskayorkie |
Beautiful!This is such a beautiful story! What a wonderful dog Jack must have been! | |
Posted 05-20-2009 at 09:32 PM by rwprivette |
Great story...Thanks for the story and Jack was so handsome! I'm very sorry for your loss! I'm glad YT and Jack's memory is making you feel better... | |
Posted 05-29-2009 at 07:18 PM by rebeccag |
Beautiful story jack was gorgeoussssssss | |
Posted 07-31-2009 at 04:00 AM by EXOTICYORKIES |
Sweet update...I appreciate you being so very candid... | |
Posted 07-31-2009 at 05:15 AM by rebeccag |