 We said good-bye to three yesterday.
We said good-bye to all three yesterday. After making the decision, I'd done some research online. Everything said that moving water is best.
So, when we were leaving to pick up Kirby's remains yesterday, I brought this up to dh. Turns out, he was relieved, he was worried that "up on the hill" I'd end up very disappointed.
We picked up Kirby and headed out to the park. We had a photo album, two yorkies, and all three sets of remains. When we got to the park we opened up Kirby's ashes. Oh gosh, they had them inside a beautiful box and wrapped in a pillow with artificial flowers laying on top. I sat in the car and cried for a few minutes.
Then we loaded everything up in my backpack. It was strange to know I was carrying my babies on my back. We headed off for a walk through the woods towards where we knew a stream passed. We found the perfect spot. A little wooden bridge over the stream. You could look out and see it round a bend and empty into a large lake. It seemed liked such a living organic place.
We had decided to set Kirby free first. I sat down on the bridge with Ginger on my lap. She did a great job of keeping my tears from hitting the ground. DH and Bernie sat down beside us.
Then, DH did the honors of setting Kirby free.
I have to say, it was a beautiful thing. The ashes are very white and you can actually watch them spread out and move along the water. I felt like I was seeing his soul released (is that nuts?)...It was amazing. After a brief and quiet pause, we set Shelby then Fritz free. Some of the remains settled to the bottom of the creek right below us, the three of them side by side. (I'm crying as I type this)
Yes it opened up old wounds. But when Kirby went, I realized that I couldn't just keep collecting and holding on to their remains...it no longer felt like the right thing to do.
We went for a walk around the lake afterwards and back over "our bridge". It felt good to think of them there. To watch the beauty of nature and to feel that they were finally a part of it.
I hope we are reunited with our babies one day and I pray that they are having the times of their lives, running free, and without pain.
Thank you for giving me a place to express my feelings on this. I hope I haven't caused anyone else grief. |